Division of Labor No. 12: A Child-Free Couple in Rural Wisconsin

Reading Substacks, listening to podcasts, and volunteering for the local political campaigns

Some weeks, I know how I’m going to kick off my newsletter, and some weeks, I have no idea what to say. Maybe that means that I should keep it short and get straight to the point!

But first, if you’re in New York City, I just want to remind you that Erika and I will be at Argent in Soho this Wednesday, November 13, from 5 to 7 p.m. for cocktails and a chance to just hang out and connect. It should be a wonderful time, and I hope to see some of you there IRL! Space is limited, so be sure to RSVP to hello@thepurse.com or just reply to this email!

And now on to today’s Division of Labor, which is something totally new: It features a couple without kids! When I first envisioned this series, I intended to focus on families with children, but earlier this fall a child-free couple pitched themselves. I asked Purse readers via the Substack chat what you thought about opening it up to non-parents, and I got a resounding yes. But then the child-free couple ghosted me. Wah wah! 

But thankfully, I knew I had a good backup plan. I reached out to Dana Miranda, who writes Healthy Rich, one of my very favorite personal finance newsletters, and asked her if she wanted to participate. I was so happy when she said yes. And it couldn’t be better timing, because she has a new book, You Don’t Need a Budget, coming out on December 24. It’s sure to be a must-read when you’re ready to get your finances together in the new year! Pre-order now! 

Want to submit your own Division of Labor? You can fill out the form here.

Name: Dana Miranda
Age: 38
Spouse/Partner’s Name: Stefan Davis
Spouse/Partner’s Age: 41
Relationship Status: Partnered since 2010

Your job and how many hours your work per week: Full-time freelance writer and author, moonlighting political consultant/volunteer

Your spouse/partner’s job and how many hours they work per week: Part-time print and digital marketing consultant for political campaigns and organizations

How do you split up household responsibilities: Stefan is responsible for all of the household work, and Dana helps out as needed/available. We usually do out-of-the-ordinary household and yard projects together.

What labor do you outsource? (Nanny, daycare, housekeeper, babysitter, virtual assistant, gardener, or even apps like Instacart for easier grocery shopping) None right now.

How did you decide who does what: We’ve oscillated between either of us taking on household responsibilities versus earning the bulk of the household income, and we’ve recently returned to Dana earning the income and Stefan caring for the house. When we’re both working full-time and splitting household chores ad hoc, we both tend to neglect the household, and it falls into chaos. Dana gets listless not working full-time, and Stefan gets stressed with the pressure of earning the income, so we think this distribution of responsibilities will probably work best long term.

Can you share one “household management hack” that’s worked for your family: Stefan recently discovered he can use AI to help build a meal plan and grocery list based on what we like and what we have in the house. It seems like a great way to add variety to our meals without an enormous added burden.

Do you feel like it’s a fair division of labor: Yes. It feels easy when we draw that clear line between who’s responsible for household income and who’s responsible for household chores. Whoever is not the breadwinner is always pursuing creative work, so there’s room for professional and creative fulfillment.

How do you think not having kids impacts the division of labor in your relationship There’s a lot less labor to do! Also, it’s easy when we’re both just buried by work or life to let go of household labor—eat popcorn for dinner and let the tub go unscrubbed a little too long. We don’t have this feeling of, If one of us doesn’t step up, a child won’t feel secure in our home. That lightens the mental load quite a bit.

Anything else you’d like to share? We both work from home as freelancers, so we have a ton of flexibility in when and how we work, as well as flexibility to shift how much either of us works at a given time. We have a small house, which keeps our cost of living low and minimizes household labor at the same time.

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Dana and Stefan shared a recent Monday before the election.

5:45 a.m.

Dana: I wake up naturally around 5:45 a.m., typical for a Monday after a restful weekend. Wakeup time gets later as the week goes on… I warm up my brain with the suite of New York Times word games: Wordle, Connections, Mini, Strands, and (because it’s easy and quick on Monday) the Crossword.

6:00 a.m.

Stefan: I wake up naturally around 6 a.m. I start my day by reading Politico Playbook and a morbidly unhealthy amount of political news and analysis.

6:30 a.m.

Dana: Still in bed, I peruse new posts from my Substack subscriptions in the app, starting with Letters from an American to catch up on political news. I read newsletters for about an hour.

7:30 a.m.

Dana: My 12-year-old niece texts to say she never got money from me for a fundraiser order for a school club, and it’s due by the end of the day, and she’s already at school. I live just down the street from the school, so we make a plan for me to drop it off for her later in the day.

Stefan: Still in bed, I read Slack messages and emails that came in overnight and add tasks to my list for the day. I’m an inbox-zero guy, not because I’m so efficient but because I get distracted too easily by new emails.

8:00 a.m.

Dana: I get up and go downstairs to walk on my walking pad for 20 minutes. While I walk, I listen to an episode of Sustainable Ambition where host Kathy Oneto interviews Simone Stolzoff, author of The Good Enough Job.

8:30 a.m.

Dana: I make breakfast for myself—a piece of peanut butter toast and lemon-ginger tea. I’d normally make a smoothie, but we’re out of bananas.

9:00 a.m.

Dana: I write morning pages in my journal, a habit I’m grateful to have picked back up this summer at the prompting of ❤️ Jenny Blake.

9:30 a.m.

Dana: I’m ready to take a shower, but Stefan has just gotten in, and we only have one bathroom, so I sit back in bed and peruse TikTok for a few minutes until the bathroom is free. I make the bed, because our rule is the last person out of the bed makes it. Then I take a shower and get dressed for the day.

Stefan: I take a shower and get dressed for the day. I eat the last egg bagel in the fridge with cream cheese. I make myself an iced latte with almond milk. While I make and eat breakfast, I listen to Pod Save America.

10:00 a.m.

Dana: I get to work in our den; I have a desk in here, but I work most of the time from the couch. I check emails I didn’t get to on Friday and respond to a few, add tasks to my Notion calendar, and leave the rest for more in-depth replies later.

Stefan: I empty the dishwasher of the load I ran overnight and reload it with this morning’s breakfast dishes. I scrub the kitchen sink and install a mesh food strainer. Keeping our drain pipes from clogging is my current anxious fixation.

10:30 a.m.

Dana: I have a Zoom meeting with my agent and publishing team at Little, Brown Spark. My publication date is two months away, so marketing and publicity is ramping up, and we’re checking in every few weeks on press and marketing for the book. 

Stefan: I get to work in my studio, which is our converted garage. I respond to emails and Slack messages. I review shirt orders from both my online store and my client’s and pack them up for fulfillment. 

11:00 a.m.

Dana: Right after my meeting, I dig up cash and walk to the school to drop it off at the office for my niece. 

Stefan: I have a campaign meeting. I’ve been managing a campaign for a state legislator since she first ran for office in 2020. These meetings never feel like work, even though I leave them with a gigantic list of things to do.

11:30 a.m.

Dana: It’s eight days until the election in the U.S., so I review the budget almost daily for a state legislative campaign I’m managing and for our county’s Democratic Party, where I’m the treasurer. The candidate received unexpected contributions over the weekend, so we have more money to put into her media plan. I coordinate more radio ads and set up more digital ads. This campaign is the first job I’ve had that includes graphic design (it’s a rural area, and we’re a scrappy campaign!), and I’ve enjoyed picking it up. It’s a nice balance with writing work.

12:00 p.m.

Dana: For a quick lunch I have an Amy’s frozen meal, which is my favorite lately. I have to go to the bank to deposit money for the campaign, and Stefan has to go grocery shopping, so we take a midday break to run errands together. (We’re both in a procrastinate-y mood today after an intense few weeks of campaign work…) Errands are a whole event, because we live in a rural area where we have to drive to the next town for most amenities. 

Stefan: I don’t have anything I want to eat for lunch, so I decide to go grocery shopping. I use ChatGPT to make a meal plan for the week and a grocery list. Then Dana and I go to the bank and the grocery store.

1:00 p.m.

Dana: I get back to work, which includes more emails. I’m grateful to see assignments come in from two freelance clients; I haven’t been pitching heavily, and my next few weeks of work were looking slim. These assignments round them out.

Stefan: I put away the groceries, make a wrap for lunch, and eat. I load lunch dishes into the dishwasher.

1:30 p.m.

Dana: I peruse Qwoted and find some queries to respond to; I do this once a month to make press connections and build links for my newsletter and book, as well as just exercise my brain for quotable thoughts.

Stefan: I get back to work. I have to pay state sales tax for my business, monitor digital ads for several clients, and design an early-voting graphic for a candidate.

2:00 p.m.

Dana: I work on a writing assignment until 6 p.m., which is an unusually long day. I would typically tap out between 3 p.m. and 4 p.m., but this morning was spent on admin that didn’t wear my brain out as much as writing does.

4:00 p.m.

Dana: It’s unseasonably warm, so I join Stefan on his walk to the post office.

Stefan: I walk the online orders to the post office a block from our house.

5:30 p.m.

Stefan: I make dinner, open-faced quesadillas. ChatGPT turned my idea for “trash pizza” into this meal.

6:00 p.m.

Dana: Dinner time! We eat in the den and watch an episode of The Daily Show (millennial nostalgia!).

7:00 p.m.

Dana: I catch up on emails, notifications, and TikTok while Stefan cleans up after dinner.

Stefan: I clean up the kitchen after dinner and load dinner dishes into the dishwasher.

7:30 p.m.

Stefan: We watch more TV, interspersed with responding to campaign text messages, until we’re ready for bed.

9:00 p.m.

Stefan: I load any lingering dishes into the dishwasher and run it overnight.

9:30 p.m.

Dana: I’m tired early and fall asleep when my head hits the pillow.

Stefan: I go to bed and peruse TikTok until I fall asleep, around 11 p.m.

12:00 a.m.

Dana: I’m pulled awake by work anxiety and remember something I wanted to check into today. Then I’m awake, so I read Substacks until I can fall back asleep.  

Thank you, Dana and Stefan!

Random Extras

• I love the work that Neha Ruch is doing at Mother Untitled—she may be single-handedly redefining what stay-at-home motherhood looks and feels like, and it all so smart and modern. The MU website has a wealth of resources, including the new guide I wrote about freelancing and your finances. Honestly, I sort of wrote it for myself LOL, because the exercise of putting it together helped me reframe a lot of what I think about my own freelancing career—since sadly, The Purse is not yet my full-time gig. (But I’m working toward that goal!) Please check it out, and let me know if I missed anything. And a big thank you to Erin Halper at The Upside, who shared so much expert advice with me! (The Upside is another amazing resource!)

• Speaking of Neha and Mother Untitled, she has a new book launching January 14. You can preorder The Power Pause now!

• Just a reminder that paid subscribers are automatically entered in a monthly sweepstakes. November’s prize is a copy of Maggie Merten’s book, Better Faster Farther, and a Some Lines A Day five-year journal.¹

• I’m looking for new participants for Division of Labor, Home Economics, and our social-first series, Saturday Spend. Have questions about participating? Just reply to this email! Also, follow us on Instagram!

1. The sweepstakes is limited to readers within the U.S. It closes at 11:59 p.m. ET on November 30, 2024. To enter without upgrading to a paid subscription, please reply to this email by 11:59 p.m. ET on November 30, 2024, that you would like to be entered in the sweepstakes. If there are any further questions, simply respond to this email and I will do my best to answer them.