“Divorce forced balance rather than relying on assumptions”
Division of Labor No. 24: A divorced couple raising three teenaged kids in New York City
Before we get into today’s Division of Labor I wanted to announce a fun new series we’re launching this year, called Work History! Lindsey and I are adding more career-related content to The Purse in 2026, and Work History will detail different (anonymous) women’s salary and career trajectories, as well as tips and reflections on pay and negotiating in general.
Work History joins Home Economics, Division of Labor, What It Cost Me, and our travel guides in our ongoing pursuit of telling real women’s money stories. If you’re interested in participating, please fill out this form!
Now onto today’s DoL!
Not everyone would describe their relationship status as happily divorced, but that’s how Tamara Frankfort Odinec views it.
She’s also arguably an expert on the topic. In 2024, Tamara founded My Next Chapter, an expert-led content and community platform for those navigating divorce. My Next Chapter provides resources on the long, emotional continuum of the divorce process, from legal to finance to mental health and more. A fair share of members join while still deciding whether to proceed with a divorce at all, while others are done with the legal aspects and are working on reestablishing their lives.
It’s a thoughtful service given the prevalence of divorce in the U.S. One-third of Americans who have been married have been divorced, according to Pew Research Center, with almost two million going through the process in 2023.
Aside from the obvious financial cost, divorce also means reconfiguring family arrangements and schedules. In pop culture, this new configuration is usually portrayed negatively, and chances are you know a few divorced couples IRL who don’t particularly get along. Drawn-out legal or custody battles are obvious pain points, and countless heightened emotions are at play, which can make managing shared children post-divorce all the more difficult.
But Tamara and Ernest Odinec are actively working against those stereotypes. They’ve made a point to instill the same values in their children, and the couple presents themselves as a team, even if they live separately, which Tamara details more for us below. And from a division of labor perspective, divorce may have even helped make things more equitable between the two.
I was especially struck by something Tamara said about both her and Ern taking separate vacations with their children. While we often focus on the negative consequences of divorce, there are positive ones, too, even if they aren’t obvious at first.
“One unexpected silver lining of the divorce is how much the kids benefit from range,” she says. “Separate vacations mean more travel, more exposure, and more independence.”
Friendly reminder that if you’re interested in sharing your Division of Labor, you can out this form (please!) or send it to someone you think should fill it out. And we’re always looking for new Home Economics contributors, too. - Alicia
Name: Tamara Frankfort Odinec
Age: 48
Ex-Spouse’s Name: Ernest Odinec
Ex-Spouse’s Age: 49
Relationship Status: Married for 15 years years, separated and divorced in 2021
Number of children and their ages: Three children, aged 18, 16, and 12.
Your job and how many hours your work per week: I work full time as the founder and CEO of My Next Chapter, a member-based content and community platform for those going through a divorce.
Your ex’s job and how many hours he works per week: Ern is a full-time investment professional.
How do you split up household responsibilities?
Ern and I separated in May 2021, and we finalized our divorce in September of that year.
Now, we live five minutes/blocks from each other on the Upper West Side, and our kids can walk between apartments. This is a gift of living in the city and something that was important to us.
We run two houses, but we still try to make it feel like one family system. Our schedule:
Me: Monday and Tuesday
Ern: Wednesday and Thursday
Alternate weekends
We each handle meals, laundry, and homework triage on our respective days, and we each plan our own vacations with the kids now (turns out we’re both very good at it).
These are the things we both expect, regardless of whose house the backpack ends up in:
Be kind
Be generous
Be cool—but not too cool for school
Eye contact
Firm handshake
Please and thank you
Root for the underdog
Bonus rule: Don’t weaponize “Daddy lets me…” or “Mom said…”
While the rules are the same, the execution is different:
At my house: Controlled chaos, comedic timing, a morning vibe that could be described as “Romper Room.”
At Ern’s house: More “boot camp,” sometimes literal, sometimes metaphorical. Teens upright before sunrise. Gym involved for the 12-year-old.
And then we each have our own strengths, so we take on different tasks.
Ern handles:
All forms
Insurance
School and camp sign-ups
Math (all levels and crisis situations)
Reminders and calendar for the kids
Juliette, the dog, most of the time
I handle:
Birthday and event planning
Paper editing
Emotional support, especially strategizing around friend dynamics
Gradually acquired skills I never expected, including: house repairs, playing catch with my son, walking the dog (or attempting to)
What labor do you outsource?
We share a housekeeper, which is the actual glue that holds the universe together. We have a joint account for expenses related to the kids, which is how we pay her; we split her 50/50 and assign her days/responsibilities based on where the kids are. We have a group text and manage her schedule that way, but the rest is managed by one of us, depending on where she is that day.
And then we both have doormen and get things delivered. More perks of city living.
How did you decide who does what?
Without marriage, we had to be intentional instead of sentimental. We focused on what actually needed to get done and built systems around reality—time, capacity, and strengths—not guilt or habit. Some roles stayed familiar, some flipped completely, and some were retired altogether.
There was a learning curve, especially around letting go of control and trusting outcomes instead of process, but that’s what ultimately made the collaboration work. And we definitely made a lot of mistakes along the way, falling into old habits that led to inefficiencies or resentment, so we adjusted.
Our division of labor has changed a lot since the divorce. Before, I ran strategy and the daily kid emotional and academic stuff, and Ern ran operations, like bill pay, repairs, home maintenance, and so on. We each leaned into our strengths.
Post-divorce, we are cross-training. Ern now plans trips and leans into emotions and girl-life, and I now deal with operations, sports, and the dog (or I try to). It’s fairer and more flexible, and no one feels stuck in a role from 2014.
Can you share one “parenting hack” that’s worked for your family?
Some hacks that work for us:
1. The Master Schedule: We have the semester planned ahead. Everyone breathes easier.
2. The Group Text: Our group thread (“familia”) is mostly for sharing moments without making it awkward—kids can update both parents at once instead of choosing sides in the “Do I text Mom or Dad?” Olympics.
3. The “Swapping Stuff” Hack: Kid forgot a cleat? Charger? Usually Dad transfers. “No stress—I’ll hand it off with the doorman.”
4. Shared Values, Different Execution:
Same rules, different styles. Consistency in expectation, variety in delivery.
Do you feel like it’s a fair division of labor?
I actually think it’s fairer than before. Divorce forced balance rather than relying on assumptions.
But honestly, fair doesn’t mean equal; it means sustainable. The work is divided in a way that reflects our lives now, not the roles we had before. We both carry responsibility, and we both get flexibility.
Anything else you’d like to share?
Ern and I also share custody of our dog, Juliette. It’s in the agreement that the dog will stay with the kids and, as a result, she’s technically supposed to be with us each 50% of the time, but Ern has taken on more with the dog, which is fine with me!
One unexpected silver lining of the divorce is how much the kids benefit from range. Separate vacations mean more travel, more exposure, and more independence.
I think at the end of the day, we were able to work things out because we’re both good parents and put the kids first. And we both have good therapists. It gets much easier with time.
Tamara and Ernest shared a recent Wednesday, when the kids switched apartments.
7:00 a.m.
Tamara: Wake the kids (the oldest is already up) and walk Juliette. Some days she doesn’t even pee.
Ern: Workout before entering the transfer window.
7:20 a.m.
Tamara: Negotiates with 12-year-old about the concept of “morning.”
7:30 a.m.
Tamara: Make breakfast for the kids, which today includes fried eggs. They were once Ern’s domain, but now I attempt. Sometimes the 12-year-old won’t want it. Around 7:45 a.m., I get the kids to school.
Ern: Prepare for dog and kid-belongings transfer.
9:00 a.m.
Tamara: Dive into work mode: meetings, strategy, and general life triage.
Ern: Pick up the dog and the clothes/supplies that are migrating to my place. Juliette preemptively positions herself at the door like, “I’ll just go early—you people work it out.”
9:05 a.m. to 3:00 p.m.
Tamara: Work, coordinate my home logistics, and prep for kid-off days.
Ern: Work, order food for my next kid stretch, relocate blankets and chargers, and maintain my status as chief inventory manager.
3:30 p.m.
Tamara: Meet the 12-year-old on the bus after school, snack secured, and then drop him at dad’s.
4:00 p.m.
Tamara: Help the older girls with writing and projects.
5:00 p.m.
Ern: Arrive home from work.
6:00 p.m.
Ern: Cook dinner for the kids (tonight is all signature Dad dishes: steak, burrata, pesto).
7:00 p.m. to 9 p.m.
Tamara: Evening check-ins with the girls; FaceTime is basically background house noise.
Ern: Quality time with the kids, including homework and catching up.
9:00 p.m. to 10 p.m.
Tamara: Goodnight chats with the kids. Lots of, “You ready for that test?”
Ern: Rounding out the evening shifts.
10:00 p.m.
Ern: Put the 12-year-old to bed.
10:30 p.m.
Ern: Make sure the girls are set for tomorrow. House winds down.
Thank you, Tamara and Ern!
Please comment with kindness!
Great, hard work on the part of both of the parents to provide structure and consistency for their kids.
Just wanted to say looking forward to Work history, and I hope you feature some career late bloomers.