“What I want is for parents to give themselves permission to hold a hard limit when it’s our own needs on the other side, rather than external constraints.” Wow, yes. 👏🏼
I loved this column! I’m in a suburb of Philadelphia and have been using Home Appetit for meal delivery since my 3rd kid was born (6 years ago!) and it has saved my sanity (and quite possibly my marriage since neither of us likes to cook). Now I need to know more about this home organizer who comes monthly!
It's always so interesting to see how social class intersects with the ways we can (or, get to, or have to) make decisions and prioritize. In France, for example, social safety nets for parents of small kids seem so supportive. Someone comes and will do any and many tasks, chores, etc that pile up or become immediate. Everyone can have this resource and parents and their kids benefit. The volume of things that can overwhelm and stress us...wow. I wish this culture had some better answers for us all, collectively.
Another voice here saying I loved this post! I’m contemplating trying for a baby in the near term and both my husband and I work 60+ hrs per week in demanding medical careers. Outsourcing will be so crucial for us and I love this way of thinking about how to prioritize what we wanna do personally and what we can outsource!
Wow. I will be quoting this with clients. The respect toward each human beings whole self in this way of looking at it is makes my heart swell and can feel more breath. I also so appreciate just naming the squeeze. I say it all the time to my friends but it’s so worth repeating—we’re in it right now.
This book has been sitting on my to-be-read list all fall! I find Low's commitment to finding a happier life so impressive. Loved to see her featured here!!
Wow, this is surely one of the most profound and potentially game-changing posts I've read here or on this topic. A lot to wrap one's head around - I'll cogitate further and come back to share my thoughts. Thanks for the great read!
Wonderful post & I just ordered the book. Corinne & I went to high school together but I stumbled upon this by happenstance. So many important takeaways and very similar to how I frame outsourcing as a busy mom of 4 with a career in finance. Huge congrats on both (book & human) babies Corinne!
What a small world, Sara! (And ooh, can I convince you to do a Home Ec one day? I want to feature more families who prioritize spending money on outsourcing support! No one wants to talk about it!)
Oh sure!! I'll throw a form your way. I have so many thoughts on outsourcing! As this post alluded to, outsourcing allows me to focus on the things I WANT to do, am GOOD at doing, or bring unique VALUE to doing. My girls want me to walk them to school and read them a book at bedtime. They do not know or care who folds their laundry or mows the lawn. It's a gigantic privilege to be able to structure our family life in a way where I can minimize the amount of time I spend doing non-ideal tasks, but I am so grateful every day for it.
It's also taken a while to disassociate my sense of self & value from the state of my home; but I'm not a full time homemaker and neither is my husband. So it's no more "my burden" than his....at least that's what I tell myself!!!
I really love Corinne's precise use of language to describe labor, its benefits and costs. Labels help us understand more deeply. "Weaponized indifference," for example, is an a-ha!
I struggled with this piece. Probably my own hang ups. But can someone explain to me how Corinne can function when waking up at 4:30 and going to bed at 11:30 or midnight while doing highly cognitive work during the day?
Oh, I don't wake up at 4:30! The baby nurses a few times over night, but I usually stay in bed with her until she's up for good at 8! But, was it insane to have a baby and a book baby at the same time? Yes!
I’m guessing that, having been grinding it out for years, she’s now in the position to take it easier at work right now. She just published and successfully promoted a really good book. In the life cycle of an academic, this is likely a time that she can take it easier. Her job as a tenured professor at an elite institution is likely incredibly flexible and (relatively speaking) autonomous. And I’m sure that she could teach an already developed, previously taught class on autopilot. In addition to robust financial resources for outsourcing and support, she’s likely living the best case scenario when it comes to making it through the newborn period.
I should also say these photos are from local Philly photographer Heidi Roland!
“What I want is for parents to give themselves permission to hold a hard limit when it’s our own needs on the other side, rather than external constraints.” Wow, yes. 👏🏼
I know! So good!
Great advice. Dividing tasks based on the law of comparative advantage both from a productivity and enjoyment POV, which generally coincide.
I loved this column! I’m in a suburb of Philadelphia and have been using Home Appetit for meal delivery since my 3rd kid was born (6 years ago!) and it has saved my sanity (and quite possibly my marriage since neither of us likes to cook). Now I need to know more about this home organizer who comes monthly!
Yes. I was today years old when I learned about the concept of a home organizer. How can I find one?!!
It's always so interesting to see how social class intersects with the ways we can (or, get to, or have to) make decisions and prioritize. In France, for example, social safety nets for parents of small kids seem so supportive. Someone comes and will do any and many tasks, chores, etc that pile up or become immediate. Everyone can have this resource and parents and their kids benefit. The volume of things that can overwhelm and stress us...wow. I wish this culture had some better answers for us all, collectively.
Another voice here saying I loved this post! I’m contemplating trying for a baby in the near term and both my husband and I work 60+ hrs per week in demanding medical careers. Outsourcing will be so crucial for us and I love this way of thinking about how to prioritize what we wanna do personally and what we can outsource!
Thanks Meghan! I’m obviously not in the medical field but am also thinking about a baby, and this book really helped me reframe some things.
Wow. I will be quoting this with clients. The respect toward each human beings whole self in this way of looking at it is makes my heart swell and can feel more breath. I also so appreciate just naming the squeeze. I say it all the time to my friends but it’s so worth repeating—we’re in it right now.
I really appreciated the reminder that it's all temporary, and a temporary solution works just fine.
Beautifully stated!
This book has been sitting on my to-be-read list all fall! I find Low's commitment to finding a happier life so impressive. Loved to see her featured here!!
Let us know what you think when you read!
Wow, this is surely one of the most profound and potentially game-changing posts I've read here or on this topic. A lot to wrap one's head around - I'll cogitate further and come back to share my thoughts. Thanks for the great read!
Thank you so much!
I always get so much out of your pieces! Thanks so much. Following her now and telling everyone I know!
😍😍😍
Thank you Katie!
Wonderful post & I just ordered the book. Corinne & I went to high school together but I stumbled upon this by happenstance. So many important takeaways and very similar to how I frame outsourcing as a busy mom of 4 with a career in finance. Huge congrats on both (book & human) babies Corinne!
What a small world, Sara! (And ooh, can I convince you to do a Home Ec one day? I want to feature more families who prioritize spending money on outsourcing support! No one wants to talk about it!)
Oh sure!! I'll throw a form your way. I have so many thoughts on outsourcing! As this post alluded to, outsourcing allows me to focus on the things I WANT to do, am GOOD at doing, or bring unique VALUE to doing. My girls want me to walk them to school and read them a book at bedtime. They do not know or care who folds their laundry or mows the lawn. It's a gigantic privilege to be able to structure our family life in a way where I can minimize the amount of time I spend doing non-ideal tasks, but I am so grateful every day for it.
It's also taken a while to disassociate my sense of self & value from the state of my home; but I'm not a full time homemaker and neither is my husband. So it's no more "my burden" than his....at least that's what I tell myself!!!
I really love Corinne's precise use of language to describe labor, its benefits and costs. Labels help us understand more deeply. "Weaponized indifference," for example, is an a-ha!
I struggled with this piece. Probably my own hang ups. But can someone explain to me how Corinne can function when waking up at 4:30 and going to bed at 11:30 or midnight while doing highly cognitive work during the day?
Oh, I don't wake up at 4:30! The baby nurses a few times over night, but I usually stay in bed with her until she's up for good at 8! But, was it insane to have a baby and a book baby at the same time? Yes!
I’m guessing that, having been grinding it out for years, she’s now in the position to take it easier at work right now. She just published and successfully promoted a really good book. In the life cycle of an academic, this is likely a time that she can take it easier. Her job as a tenured professor at an elite institution is likely incredibly flexible and (relatively speaking) autonomous. And I’m sure that she could teach an already developed, previously taught class on autopilot. In addition to robust financial resources for outsourcing and support, she’s likely living the best case scenario when it comes to making it through the newborn period.