I always appreciate open and honest looks at real life with kids, so thank you to @dacy for being so open in this piece! Some things that struck me: How amazing that the St. Louis zoo is free! And how wonderful that you have your sons taking on household tasks in a routine way. We have been working on that kind of thing with my daughter (preK), but haven't managed to make all of it stick. Also how much envy I have for the way in which Dave's job doesn't involve his phone or computer. Like, it's so easy for me (like Dacy) to go from trying to do something relaxing to just checking in on work because it's all on the internet, and therefor on my phone.
actually, that's something i could have included in the way tasks fall - dave doesn't do his job online and so sometimes i get annoyed that he isn't as on top of school emails etc. and yes about the boys, i don't want them to grow up thinking a woman's going to do everything for them or to have learned helplessness, just taught my oldest how to iron the other day!
Thank you for this! As someone else who has a gazillion things to do yet is on a “flexible” schedule, I really appreciate this intimate peek into others’ days. I also found myself noticing how much lighter Dave’s tone was than Dacy’s - both are busy but he spent time describing the good parts of his day. Probably multi-factor, but perhaps that’s partly socialization (who’s supposed to make it sound like nbd?) and partly unequal mental load?
Interesting, and I live in Illinois so I like reading someone living the Midwestern lifestyle. Also liked reading a Substacker’s daily routine, since that’s a lot of what I do, too.
I agree that Sunday through Friday vacations are the best. (At least for spring break. I’m a teacher married to a SAHD, so we have lots of flexibility in the summer.)
My favorite place in london is the rose garden in Regents Park.
I'm also married to a professional musician, so this was a fun read! My kids are a bit older, but my husband's inflexible schedule has been a long-standing challenge we've had to navigate, especially as the kids have taken on activities - I can literally only be in one place at a time, which has led to some interesting workarounds!
Hi Dacy! My husband and I are also professional classical musicians with two kids in the DC area. Oof. Not at all flexible is so right! My husband actually started playing a bit less and repairing instruments full-time to give us some flexibility. Kids activities and concerts/gigs conflicting are my life! Sounds like you're doing great. Cheers!
I go to London annually for work (and lived there for a year before that), so have developed many go-to recs. Kaffeine is an amazing Australian-style cafe with two locations in Fitzrovia that's perfect for breakfast/brunch; Mildred's is a very popular (and very delicious) vegan restaurant with many locations; Padella has amazing pasta on the edge of Borough Market, though you will have to wait; and if you like Thai food Kiln in Soho is a must. Have a great time!
I loved this one!! My kids are exactly the same ages and I felt myself nodding along with so much of it. My husband also handles the entire "food" category, including all the dishes, and it has been a complete game-changer. I am absolutely the Dacy in the relationship in terms of my family workload and can relate to periods of building resentment and then trying to adjust and find a better way. I admit that adding a weekly housekeeper to our budget was my other game-changer!!
Good luck with CBIT Dacy! Not getting a good night of sleep is JUST THE WORST. I also have insomnia, and CBIT helped SO much. I tried it at the beginning of COVID (I figured if there was anytime to be tired during the day, this was a good time) and it took about 1.5 months for it to really start working. I've had some backsliding since having a kid (hormones are SO wild and having to sleep with my kid to accommodate her needs doesn't help) but I do still try to follow some of principles (not napping, etc).
I was not a leash kid per se, but my parents did tranquilize me using a variety of tactics and technologies.
I’m Harrison, an ex fine dining industry line cook. My stack "The Secret Ingredient" adapts hit restaurant recipes (mostly NYC and L.A.) for easy home cooking.
Thank you so much for having us, Lindsey!
THANK YOU, Dacy! Loved this!
I always appreciate open and honest looks at real life with kids, so thank you to @dacy for being so open in this piece! Some things that struck me: How amazing that the St. Louis zoo is free! And how wonderful that you have your sons taking on household tasks in a routine way. We have been working on that kind of thing with my daughter (preK), but haven't managed to make all of it stick. Also how much envy I have for the way in which Dave's job doesn't involve his phone or computer. Like, it's so easy for me (like Dacy) to go from trying to do something relaxing to just checking in on work because it's all on the internet, and therefor on my phone.
actually, that's something i could have included in the way tasks fall - dave doesn't do his job online and so sometimes i get annoyed that he isn't as on top of school emails etc. and yes about the boys, i don't want them to grow up thinking a woman's going to do everything for them or to have learned helplessness, just taught my oldest how to iron the other day!
you are doing an amazing job!!
Thank you for this! As someone else who has a gazillion things to do yet is on a “flexible” schedule, I really appreciate this intimate peek into others’ days. I also found myself noticing how much lighter Dave’s tone was than Dacy’s - both are busy but he spent time describing the good parts of his day. Probably multi-factor, but perhaps that’s partly socialization (who’s supposed to make it sound like nbd?) and partly unequal mental load?
Interesting! Probably partly that and partly that he's just much more of a half-glass-full person than me!
Thank you for being so gracious, Dacy! Too late I realized I shouldn’t be guessing at people’s motivations. I’m sorry, that was rude.
I wasn’t offended!
I don’t live in STL anymore but grew up there and love their love for the zoo! It’s the best! Thanks for sharing your story!
Interesting, and I live in Illinois so I like reading someone living the Midwestern lifestyle. Also liked reading a Substacker’s daily routine, since that’s a lot of what I do, too.
It's such a random assortment of tasks sometimes!
So I am not the only person who struggles with kitchen counters!
LOL, I think all of us do!
I agree that Sunday through Friday vacations are the best. (At least for spring break. I’m a teacher married to a SAHD, so we have lots of flexibility in the summer.)
My favorite place in london is the rose garden in Regents Park.
CBT-I solidarity! It is such a game changer
I'm also married to a professional musician, so this was a fun read! My kids are a bit older, but my husband's inflexible schedule has been a long-standing challenge we've had to navigate, especially as the kids have taken on activities - I can literally only be in one place at a time, which has led to some interesting workarounds!
yes! it really almost requires the other parent have flexible work!
What a fabulous window into daily life!!
Hi Dacy! My husband and I are also professional classical musicians with two kids in the DC area. Oof. Not at all flexible is so right! My husband actually started playing a bit less and repairing instruments full-time to give us some flexibility. Kids activities and concerts/gigs conflicting are my life! Sounds like you're doing great. Cheers!
*two* musician parents is SO tough! I used to play as well and it would be so tough to find childcare if I still did.
Love Dacy. I know the hustle is real but what a cute couple
So cute!!
Aw I’m blushing 😊
I go to London annually for work (and lived there for a year before that), so have developed many go-to recs. Kaffeine is an amazing Australian-style cafe with two locations in Fitzrovia that's perfect for breakfast/brunch; Mildred's is a very popular (and very delicious) vegan restaurant with many locations; Padella has amazing pasta on the edge of Borough Market, though you will have to wait; and if you like Thai food Kiln in Soho is a must. Have a great time!
Oh I love Thai food! Thank you!
Go to Speadboat Bar in Chinatown for even better Thai food! - from a Londoner
I loved this one!! My kids are exactly the same ages and I felt myself nodding along with so much of it. My husband also handles the entire "food" category, including all the dishes, and it has been a complete game-changer. I am absolutely the Dacy in the relationship in terms of my family workload and can relate to periods of building resentment and then trying to adjust and find a better way. I admit that adding a weekly housekeeper to our budget was my other game-changer!!
Good luck with CBIT Dacy! Not getting a good night of sleep is JUST THE WORST. I also have insomnia, and CBIT helped SO much. I tried it at the beginning of COVID (I figured if there was anytime to be tired during the day, this was a good time) and it took about 1.5 months for it to really start working. I've had some backsliding since having a kid (hormones are SO wild and having to sleep with my kid to accommodate her needs doesn't help) but I do still try to follow some of principles (not napping, etc).
Oh gosh, I couldn't imagine having done it when I had a baby or young kid - props to you for sticking with it! I'm so glad I tried it.
I was not a leash kid per se, but my parents did tranquilize me using a variety of tactics and technologies.
I’m Harrison, an ex fine dining industry line cook. My stack "The Secret Ingredient" adapts hit restaurant recipes (mostly NYC and L.A.) for easy home cooking.
check us out:
https://thesecretingredient.substack.com