In Her Purse: Heather Boneparth
What can you learn from digging through someone's handbag? A whole lot.
Have you ever met someone and known almost immediately that you must be friends with this person? That’s how I felt when I first met Heather Boneparth via a Zoom call last fall. At the time, The Purse was on a different newsletter platform, and I was desperate to connect with other writers. I’m not sure what magical googling I did to find The Joint Account, the newsletter Heather writes with her husband, Doug, but I’m glad the search gods were working in my favor that day. I was thrilled when Heather responded to my cold email asking if she was free to chat and potentially collaborate.
Heather and I have a lot in common, and yet in many ways, we’re very different people. We’re both moms who left big jobs in an attempt to figure out some better way of working. But she’s raising girls in the suburbs, and I’ve got my one boy in the city. I think on paper, our chemistry wouldn’t be obvious, and yet, since meeting last fall, it’s been a constant stream of Instagram DMs and long Zoom calls, and last week, we finally got to meet for lunch in-person. (Not an easy feat trying to coordinate the schedules of two busy women, especially as Heather and Doug are deep into writing a book about couples and money. Oh yeah, and that little issue of her living in New Jersey.) I knew we could talk forever so I actually set a timer so I wouldn’t miss my 3 p.m. meeting. (It was close!)
Heather is cool and fun and smart and has lots of opinions about motherhood and careers and money, which makes her the perfect person to kick off my new series IN HER PURSE. (This is the last of the new series for a while, friends! Thank you for following along as I’ve rolled them out this winter!)
Ever since launching last year, I’ve been trying to figure out how to profile some of the cool women I know (or want to know). And this idea came out of a conversation I had with my mom (hi, Mom!) who suggested I actually find out what’s inside women’s purses.
A guy friend of mine (hi, Jason!) wondered aloud if seeing the contents of a woman’s purse was actually interesting. I’d argue yes—you can learn a lot about a person by seeing what’s in their handbag. Since I’ve become a mother, my purse holds a lot more than just my wallet and phone. When my kid was really little, I always had lots of snacks. (Really, I should still carry snacks, but I’m lazier these days.) And there was a period when I inevitably ended up with a Hot Wheels car or two, as well as a backup pacifier (called a baba in our house—oof, I feel nostalgic for those days!) and some essential wet wipes. And I’ll never forget my friend Issy telling me about the time she found a pair of her toddler’s undies in her purse. But anyone who’s ever potty trained a child will know how important backup underwear can be.
Heather doesn’t have a spare pair of undies in her purse (at least they didn’t make it into the final photo), but the contents of her designer handbag—a leftover from her corporate lawyer days—do reveal quite a few things about this awesome woman. And for the fun of it, I’ve also thrown in my take on the Proust questionnaire (arguably the best celeb interview tool—thank you, Vanity Fair!), but I changed the questions to be focused on money.
I’m also using this newsletter as an excuse to announce Heather and I are launching a new Instagram Live series next Tuesday, February 13, at 8:45 p.m. (Did you know The Purse is on Instagram? You should be following it!) We’ll be talking about everything from Girl Scout cookie sales to couples splitting their finances to the latest semi-sexist thing I’ve read in my CFP textbook. It should be like a fun virtual mom drinks. Join us!
The Questions
What is your idea of perfect happiness? Lounging on a plush chair at a beach club reading a great book, my children playing somewhere within eyesight but also allowing me to read the book.
What is your greatest money fear? Having to return to corporate life in a role I don’t believe in because my family needs the money.
What is the financial trait you most deplore in yourself? Tethering my self-worth to my income. I’m working on it!
What is the financial trait you most deplore in others? People who *status signal* through their children.
If you could change one thing about your financial situation, what would it be? I wish we used a hyper-local realtor when we purchased our home. We definitely could’ve ended up in a better house in a better location within our neighborhood if we had the inside scoop.
What do you consider your greatest financial achievement? Refinancing my student loan debt with a private lender below 3%, which gave us a realistic roadmap to repayment while still allowing us to pursue other goals.
Where would you most like to live? Sonoma, where the air is crisp, the produce is fresh, and wine is always a good idea.
What is your most treasured possession? My childhood baby grand piano, which now lives with us.
What is your greatest money regret? Borrowing $200,000+ for an expensive law degree without being clear on what I wanted from becoming a lawyer.
What is your money motto? “Move out the way. I’m with my girls, and they all need space.” -Beyoncé
The Purse
I just took my daughter to see Wicked on Broadway with two of her girlfriends and their moms. It wasn’t her first show, but this one felt like a real rite of passage for the two of us. I may have cried…four times.
The tie-dye H fanny pack? That’s hers. But it could be mine, too, I guess. She carries the essentials: a Lip Smacker, hair elastics, and hand sanitizer.
Unrelated to the pandemic, you’ll never catch me without hand wipes or sanitizer. I’m just trying to keep the kids in school for another day.
I must have at least two, preferably three, hair accessories on me at any given time. Curly girls understand.
Headphones are a must. I have a loud inner monologue, which requires a soundtrack. :)
No one needs gum more often than me. It’s a dry mouth / allergy thing. I am who I am.
Sometimes, I’ve got a $20 bill shoved in my keychain wallet, but I use my American Express or Apple Pay for almost everything and consider myself a “cashless” spender. I pay my bills in full every month.
It’s so hard to find dedicated time to read, so I carry books everywhere for when I get a couple minutes to dive in. I just finished Farnoosh Torabi’s A Healthy State of Panic and really took a lot from it.
As with my hair accessories, these lips need options! I use a Lune+Aster sheer stick for some moisture and always have one or two NARS shades on me. Also not pictured is my new favorite LANEIGE lip sleeping mask, because I’m spiritually a Sephora tween.
Finally, I purchased this handbag years ago after bonus time in one of my jobs as a corporate lawyer. While it’s large and durable enough to withstand a nuclear fallout or Manhattan rush hour, it always felt a little…corporate. So I added these keychains, one of which says “Magical as Fuck” in a whimsical enough font that none of my colleagues could really read it unless they were all up in my belongings. But I always knew it was there, and it me feel just that, magical as fuck.
Heather, you are magical as fuck! Thank you!
Follow Heather on Substack (incredibly, she writes a second amazing newsletter, Our Tiny Rebellions, and it’s so good!) and Instagram (she is very funny!) and sign up for her newsletter The Joint Account. I have no doubt her and Doug’s book on money and relationships will be the money book of 2025.
And if you have suggestions for future subjects for IN HER PURSE, send them my way!
My purse looks like a big saddlebag, and it contains everything I might need to rebuild society in case the apocalypse hits while I'm out. I am exaggerating only a little bit. :)
This was delightful. I read it twice, and Heather's line about not "tethering my self-worth to my income" made me tingle with understanding. I'm fighting that battle every day, after a layoff months ago that derailed a lot of my plans, but has led to deep exploration. Thanks so much for sharing.