Forget #GirlMath. Let's talk about #MomMath

Bad news: You always end up poorer

I set out with this newsletter hoping to write something light and funny and short. It’s late August, and while I’m not on vacation, I’m spending the end of the summer in a beautiful vacation destination. It seemed like the perfect time for something frothy.

I wanted to make a joke about #MomMath, the older, wiser, and world-weary sister of #GirlMath. But where the girls women doing #GirlMath are trying to justify expensive skincare products in the name of #SelfCare, mothers are doing mental gymnastics trying to justify the cost of childcare or a housekeeper or any expense that might make their days a little easier. Society and social media tell us we’re failures if we’re not doing it all, having careers, raising our babies, keeping beautiful homes, making dinner every night, and trying hard to look good ’til we die. But god forbid we admit to spending money on household support without adding a giant asterisk acknowledging our privilege.

The mental math of motherhood begins well before most of us even become mothers. It can start as soon as you get married, when suddenly bosses are making weird insinuations about your “family plans,” or you wonder if you didn’t get the new job because the hiring manager worried you were in your “childbearing years” and thus a maternity-leave risk.

It’s even more complicated when you’re trying to get pregnant and the question of paid family leave becomes a real issue. Does your company even offer it? How much time can you take? If you're pregnant and want to change jobs, will your new company provide the same leave they offer tenured employees? What percentage of your salary will you get from your state paid leave program? Is it enough to live on, or should you start saving more now? Will your husband get any paid leave at all? And is it equitable to what they offer mothers at his company or is it two weeks? It’s even more complicated when you’re a freelancer with no benefits at all.