I really enjoyed reading this. I especially admired how the author negotiated a decrease in her rent! That was super impressive. I used to have a lot of credit card debt and I get the embarrassment of how it feels, I send you all the good wishes on your journey! And this was a fun read!
Really appreciate the transparency from this contributor. I am a marriage & family therapist and so many individuals and families across socioeconomic statuses are struggling with $10k+ credit card debt--I once worked with a couple with $90k on credit cards alone--typically from small purchases or temporary life crises adding up and spiraling out, and they feel so so ashamed. I have met people more ashamed of revealing their financial details than their sex lives (part of why this Substack is so important and valuable). I myself struggle with debt (primarily student loans) and it is so easy to feel like a failure or screw-up. Proud of this contributor for their bravery in sharing, and I hope they are feeling proud that they are paying off their credit card debt now every month while still living and planning such a joyful life! Also, shout out to queer representation ❤️ 🏳️🌈
This article was the epitome of why I love The Purse. Super detailed, thoughtful responses that gave me both financial insight and just a fun peek into someone else's life. Super inspired by her decreased rent, sinking funds, and balance between saving and living a happy life in the present. This was also a good reminder of how significant the advantage is for those with a life partner. All the "little" things you split really do add up.
Also: kids on the family phone plan after 30 represent!
Great entry, and thank you to the OP for your thoughtful, transparent responses! One idea, as a therapist who also goes to weekly therapy herself: ask your therapist for a monthly superbill, which you can then submit as an out-of-network provider to your insurance. Once you hit your annual deductible, some or all of your sessions should be reimbursed.
(Side note: unfortunately, this is only true for individual therapy, as couples therapy is overall not covered by insurance companies in the same way--you usually have to diagnose one partner and identify that diagnosis as causing the relational issues, which is often not an accurate description for couples coming to therapy).
Thanks again to OP + The Purse for creating such a kind, authentic corner of the internet!
I love the sentiment on saving up for a big 40th birthday party as someone who isn't planning on getting married or having kids - need more reasons to celebrate things like this besides weddings and babies!
LISTEN. You may feel passive about your credit card debt, but some part of you, which negotiates a rent decrease (who does that?!), does not feel passive about it at all. Every decision is connected in some way.
I also want to holler praise at you for the simple fact of being financially solid as a single person. The financial benefits of coupledom are real, and I think a single person gets extra kudos for making it work alone. Go you!
As late as 2018, I was working as a full-time government attorney earning $43k a year, with $100k in student loans, and was a single parent (no other parent in the picture to pay child support, help with child care, etc.). I had $13k in credit card debt because I used my cc just to pay for electricity, etc. My situation has changed somewhat, but I wish there was a contributor to these stories that is single parent (with no other parent at all) and struggling to survive like I was. There was no money for doordash, haircuts, etc. Sometimes I think these stories make it seem that everyone makes over 100k and has cash for fun. That wasn't my reality at all. It still isn't.
I get where you are coming from, truly. I felt really bad about my income my entire life. There was a reason I did not have kids, no parental support, no decent guy to marry, living in a dicey part of town and living on 32k a year. It was called life, I never made any kind of money to get me out of just borderline poverty. My masters should have been in computer science or medicine but don’t have the math background. Eventually I did marry, but we were old enough that medically there would have been some very nasty complications to me getting pregnant. Even now retired, living in another state due to taxes, we are surviving on social security, a bit of a pension, and we are okay. Our insurance is eating up our income and yes we are getting Medicare, and supplemental insurance.
To be honest, I wonder how people got jobs over 80k a year. I was a hard worker, honest, ethical, my bosses loved me and I did extraordinary work, but the pay was never there. I finally realized life isn’t fair. Brutal, unfair, capricious and doesn’t care how nice or hardworking you are. It is fate, and it can be so f*cking hard.No jewelry, getting away for a weekend, driving BMWs, Acuras, or designer duds and that never impressed me. honestly I don’t know, how we did it.
Lots of us are you. We don’t get noticed , get awards, get astounding salaries, we find each other and build a network of friends in similar situations and for you, I want the very best life you can have. Hugs and acknowledgement of your way of life.
Appreciate the OP being candid about life, priorities, debts, credit card debt. It can be really hard to exist in US culture where, on one hand, a certain austerity and expectation of tight budgeting seems to rule. And on the other hand, of course, we are bombarded with consumption messages that link experiences, objects, and acquisitions to feeling states and 'life chances.' It's enormous whiplash to toggle back and forth between being a consumer in such an austere, ultimately shame-laden culture. I read a weekly Money Diary written by Irish people (in Ireland, to be clear), and enough reading will reveal some cultural elements to how people manage money, debt, etc.
The term “sinking fund” was new to me but I’ve been doing this for as long as I’ve been able to make enough to cover basic expenses.
I put $450 into savings every month so I’ll have it when property taxes and homeowner insurance come due. I started doing this as soon as we paid off the house last year.
I also put back a tiny dab meant for a better car someday, since it’s 21 years old, falling apart and will probably just not start one of these days. I definitely don’t want a car payment ever again — times are uncertain, my husband’s job pays modestly and I’m trying to make it work as a writer so you know how that goes!
A lot of money decisions depend on one’s own gut.
If it were me, I’d cancel the DoorDash, meal kits and all travel until I paid off the credit cards, and I wouldn’t bother with a birthday bash — I’ll turn 60 next month and haven’t planned a thing. It’s just a number.
BUT, I have a husband and two dogs in the house, and two grown children (living away from home), one with kids. I can imagine that makes a difference — I have built-in companionship. I also have a lot of fear around money because I’ve never had much. I’d likely loosen up a bit if I had reasonable expectations of more money always being available.
I feel anxiety in my chest when I read about people’s high debts even though they aren’t my debts, and that’s not normal but I’ve dealt with a lot of financial trauma.
I really loved this post! Thank you to the poster for her transparency and to The Purse for creating a safe space for people to share their financial stories. I appreciated the poster's insight in response to Q#64, "A unique expense that I think comes with being single is an “extra set of hands”—such as paying for prepared meals, food delivery, and a house cleaner, since I don’t have anyone to share the burden of these daily activities with." I think this is a really important point. When you are managing life as a single, the buck stops with you for EVERYTHING. I think people with partners who share that burden underestimate how exhausting and overwhelming that can be -- which is why things like DoorDash can be helpful when you don't have the energy to take on one more task! Income may be finite, but energy and time are finite, too, and you have to negotiate a balance that works for you and your life. There is a saying that is something like, "Don't get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life." I think this poster is a great example of someone doing their best to balance the two!
Loved reading this one! I adore traveling too, but Japan planning has me completely overwhelmed, and this honestly made me think I’d love to hire you to plan my next trip. If you ever take on additional clients, I’d be interested!
I’m a travel advisor as well and have planned trips to Japan for my clients. I’ve got 2 families going for cherry blossom season this year. happy to help if needed! 😊
I really saw myself in this post. As a single, queer, not dating anyone seriously person, I related to the struggles of not splitting bills and not having that extra set of hands so to speak. It also made me feel less alone with how I’m choosing to save, spend money, and have cc debt that just sort of accumulated out of nowhere. Thanks for this post that came just at the right time when I was questioning everything.
Fellow Bostonian here, chiming in with kudos for negotiating a rent decrease! Housing costs are a major affordability issue in this area and your success on this one is super impressive. Also kudos for prepping a fun and generous plan for your 40th birthday. Love that for you and though it's a little ways off yet, I hope it's everything you hope it will be.
I think it is great that you have continued to invest despite having credit card debt, especially since you have been able to transfer to cards and loans with lower interest rates. I think you have organized all of your sinking funds well. I am also making the following assumptions on how you are saving your money:
- I assume/hope that the current credit card you use is one that earns you travel points to help offset some of your travel costs
- I assume that your sinking funds (40th birthday party, yearly expenses, travel) are being saved in your high-yield savings account
- I assume that you are selling your clothes on Poshmark when you are done with them and that you are sometimes using this credit to buy new-to-you clothes
I think there are small ways that you can tweak your budget and put additional money towards debt.
- Since you are on your parents' entertainment plans, you could save $83 a month by cancelling Hulu and only sign up for 2 months a year to watch the shows you like (saving $830/year)
- Switch the flower subscription to quarterly and buy $10 grocery store bouquets on the off months (saving $284/year)
- If you find the bandwidth, you could double the amount you make from your commission holiday planning and save an extra $600 a year
- Cut down restaurants/door dash down to $400 would be better. You could use $50 of the $625 to buy or make/freeze some easy meals for when you don't feel like cooking (see lego food planning on TikTok for ideas!). You could do this monthly with a friend to make it less like a chore. This would save $2100/year.
These would equal to around $4100 annually, and if you include the $1560 savings from rent, this would equal around $5,660 a year and would be almost 20% of your debt payments with minimal lifestyle changes.
Yes I am embarrassed 😅 If you submitted your Work History the first day we called for them, please send us your email!
I really enjoyed reading this. I especially admired how the author negotiated a decrease in her rent! That was super impressive. I used to have a lot of credit card debt and I get the embarrassment of how it feels, I send you all the good wishes on your journey! And this was a fun read!
Really appreciate the transparency from this contributor. I am a marriage & family therapist and so many individuals and families across socioeconomic statuses are struggling with $10k+ credit card debt--I once worked with a couple with $90k on credit cards alone--typically from small purchases or temporary life crises adding up and spiraling out, and they feel so so ashamed. I have met people more ashamed of revealing their financial details than their sex lives (part of why this Substack is so important and valuable). I myself struggle with debt (primarily student loans) and it is so easy to feel like a failure or screw-up. Proud of this contributor for their bravery in sharing, and I hope they are feeling proud that they are paying off their credit card debt now every month while still living and planning such a joyful life! Also, shout out to queer representation ❤️ 🏳️🌈
Thanks for sharing that! The contributor really is amazing. ❤️
This article was the epitome of why I love The Purse. Super detailed, thoughtful responses that gave me both financial insight and just a fun peek into someone else's life. Super inspired by her decreased rent, sinking funds, and balance between saving and living a happy life in the present. This was also a good reminder of how significant the advantage is for those with a life partner. All the "little" things you split really do add up.
Also: kids on the family phone plan after 30 represent!
Great entry, and thank you to the OP for your thoughtful, transparent responses! One idea, as a therapist who also goes to weekly therapy herself: ask your therapist for a monthly superbill, which you can then submit as an out-of-network provider to your insurance. Once you hit your annual deductible, some or all of your sessions should be reimbursed.
(Side note: unfortunately, this is only true for individual therapy, as couples therapy is overall not covered by insurance companies in the same way--you usually have to diagnose one partner and identify that diagnosis as causing the relational issues, which is often not an accurate description for couples coming to therapy).
Thanks again to OP + The Purse for creating such a kind, authentic corner of the internet!
I love the sentiment on saving up for a big 40th birthday party as someone who isn't planning on getting married or having kids - need more reasons to celebrate things like this besides weddings and babies!
LISTEN. You may feel passive about your credit card debt, but some part of you, which negotiates a rent decrease (who does that?!), does not feel passive about it at all. Every decision is connected in some way.
I also want to holler praise at you for the simple fact of being financially solid as a single person. The financial benefits of coupledom are real, and I think a single person gets extra kudos for making it work alone. Go you!
As late as 2018, I was working as a full-time government attorney earning $43k a year, with $100k in student loans, and was a single parent (no other parent in the picture to pay child support, help with child care, etc.). I had $13k in credit card debt because I used my cc just to pay for electricity, etc. My situation has changed somewhat, but I wish there was a contributor to these stories that is single parent (with no other parent at all) and struggling to survive like I was. There was no money for doordash, haircuts, etc. Sometimes I think these stories make it seem that everyone makes over 100k and has cash for fun. That wasn't my reality at all. It still isn't.
I get where you are coming from, truly. I felt really bad about my income my entire life. There was a reason I did not have kids, no parental support, no decent guy to marry, living in a dicey part of town and living on 32k a year. It was called life, I never made any kind of money to get me out of just borderline poverty. My masters should have been in computer science or medicine but don’t have the math background. Eventually I did marry, but we were old enough that medically there would have been some very nasty complications to me getting pregnant. Even now retired, living in another state due to taxes, we are surviving on social security, a bit of a pension, and we are okay. Our insurance is eating up our income and yes we are getting Medicare, and supplemental insurance.
To be honest, I wonder how people got jobs over 80k a year. I was a hard worker, honest, ethical, my bosses loved me and I did extraordinary work, but the pay was never there. I finally realized life isn’t fair. Brutal, unfair, capricious and doesn’t care how nice or hardworking you are. It is fate, and it can be so f*cking hard.No jewelry, getting away for a weekend, driving BMWs, Acuras, or designer duds and that never impressed me. honestly I don’t know, how we did it.
Lots of us are you. We don’t get noticed , get awards, get astounding salaries, we find each other and build a network of friends in similar situations and for you, I want the very best life you can have. Hugs and acknowledgement of your way of life.
Appreciate the OP being candid about life, priorities, debts, credit card debt. It can be really hard to exist in US culture where, on one hand, a certain austerity and expectation of tight budgeting seems to rule. And on the other hand, of course, we are bombarded with consumption messages that link experiences, objects, and acquisitions to feeling states and 'life chances.' It's enormous whiplash to toggle back and forth between being a consumer in such an austere, ultimately shame-laden culture. I read a weekly Money Diary written by Irish people (in Ireland, to be clear), and enough reading will reveal some cultural elements to how people manage money, debt, etc.
Definitely looking up that series!
The term “sinking fund” was new to me but I’ve been doing this for as long as I’ve been able to make enough to cover basic expenses.
I put $450 into savings every month so I’ll have it when property taxes and homeowner insurance come due. I started doing this as soon as we paid off the house last year.
I also put back a tiny dab meant for a better car someday, since it’s 21 years old, falling apart and will probably just not start one of these days. I definitely don’t want a car payment ever again — times are uncertain, my husband’s job pays modestly and I’m trying to make it work as a writer so you know how that goes!
A lot of money decisions depend on one’s own gut.
If it were me, I’d cancel the DoorDash, meal kits and all travel until I paid off the credit cards, and I wouldn’t bother with a birthday bash — I’ll turn 60 next month and haven’t planned a thing. It’s just a number.
BUT, I have a husband and two dogs in the house, and two grown children (living away from home), one with kids. I can imagine that makes a difference — I have built-in companionship. I also have a lot of fear around money because I’ve never had much. I’d likely loosen up a bit if I had reasonable expectations of more money always being available.
I feel anxiety in my chest when I read about people’s high debts even though they aren’t my debts, and that’s not normal but I’ve dealt with a lot of financial trauma.
I really loved this post! Thank you to the poster for her transparency and to The Purse for creating a safe space for people to share their financial stories. I appreciated the poster's insight in response to Q#64, "A unique expense that I think comes with being single is an “extra set of hands”—such as paying for prepared meals, food delivery, and a house cleaner, since I don’t have anyone to share the burden of these daily activities with." I think this is a really important point. When you are managing life as a single, the buck stops with you for EVERYTHING. I think people with partners who share that burden underestimate how exhausting and overwhelming that can be -- which is why things like DoorDash can be helpful when you don't have the energy to take on one more task! Income may be finite, but energy and time are finite, too, and you have to negotiate a balance that works for you and your life. There is a saying that is something like, "Don't get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life." I think this poster is a great example of someone doing their best to balance the two!
Loved reading this one! I adore traveling too, but Japan planning has me completely overwhelmed, and this honestly made me think I’d love to hire you to plan my next trip. If you ever take on additional clients, I’d be interested!
I’m a travel advisor as well and have planned trips to Japan for my clients. I’ve got 2 families going for cherry blossom season this year. happy to help if needed! 😊
I really saw myself in this post. As a single, queer, not dating anyone seriously person, I related to the struggles of not splitting bills and not having that extra set of hands so to speak. It also made me feel less alone with how I’m choosing to save, spend money, and have cc debt that just sort of accumulated out of nowhere. Thanks for this post that came just at the right time when I was questioning everything.
Me too
Would love to know which meal kit covers daily lunch and dinner for only $400/mo.
Fellow Bostonian here, chiming in with kudos for negotiating a rent decrease! Housing costs are a major affordability issue in this area and your success on this one is super impressive. Also kudos for prepping a fun and generous plan for your 40th birthday. Love that for you and though it's a little ways off yet, I hope it's everything you hope it will be.
I think it is great that you have continued to invest despite having credit card debt, especially since you have been able to transfer to cards and loans with lower interest rates. I think you have organized all of your sinking funds well. I am also making the following assumptions on how you are saving your money:
- I assume/hope that the current credit card you use is one that earns you travel points to help offset some of your travel costs
- I assume that your sinking funds (40th birthday party, yearly expenses, travel) are being saved in your high-yield savings account
- I assume that you are selling your clothes on Poshmark when you are done with them and that you are sometimes using this credit to buy new-to-you clothes
I think there are small ways that you can tweak your budget and put additional money towards debt.
- Use board game swaps instead of buying new: https://www.reddit.com/r/bostonboardgames/ (saving of ~$300/year)
- Since you are on your parents' entertainment plans, you could save $83 a month by cancelling Hulu and only sign up for 2 months a year to watch the shows you like (saving $830/year)
- Switch the flower subscription to quarterly and buy $10 grocery store bouquets on the off months (saving $284/year)
- If you find the bandwidth, you could double the amount you make from your commission holiday planning and save an extra $600 a year
(continued in replies because it cut me off)
- Cut down restaurants/door dash down to $400 would be better. You could use $50 of the $625 to buy or make/freeze some easy meals for when you don't feel like cooking (see lego food planning on TikTok for ideas!). You could do this monthly with a friend to make it less like a chore. This would save $2100/year.
These would equal to around $4100 annually, and if you include the $1560 savings from rent, this would equal around $5,660 a year and would be almost 20% of your debt payments with minimal lifestyle changes.