The Purse Guide To Estate Planning
Preparing for the worst is kind of the worst
A big thank-you to our sponsor Steward, a modern estate planning company. Friends of The Purse receive $500 off their comprehensive estate plan when they use the code "PURSE" at payment through October 31, 2025. Learn more on the Steward website.
This summer I took an estate planning class that’s part of the certified financial planning program I’m slowly working my way through. I know I sound like a morbid super-nerd, but I was excited for the class. I wanted to learn more about wills, trusts, and end-of-life planning. Yes, it’s terribly depressing to think of dying, but being prepared can help your loved ones so much when the worst does happen.
Unfortunately, the class was a letdown. Yes, I learned a bit about wills and other important estate planning documents. But the bulk of the class was focused on planning for the ultra wealthy—those Americans who have estates worth more than $15 million ($30 million if you’re married), which is when federal estate taxes kick in. If you’re that rich, then there are dozens of ways to protect your money from estate taxes, and I’m sure there are lots of expensive lawyers and financial advisors who are eager to help you do just that.
But I’d wager to guess that the vast majority of Purse readers don’t have that kind of money, and that their parents don’t have that kind of money. I certainly don’t have that kind of money. Arguably, our estate plans are a lot simpler to put together than those belonging to multimillionaires. Yet just because you don’t have the wealth necessary to fund a new wing at a small hospital doesn’t mean you don’t need a plan for what happens to your shit when you die—and the legal documents to back it up.
It was fortuitous, of course, that I’ve been deep in learning and thinking about estate planning when Steward, an estate planning company, reached out to see if I’d be interested in a partnership. It turns out Meg Palazzolo, Steward’s head of customer experience, is a Purse reader. But even if the email from Meg and Steward hadn’t landed in my inbox in late June, you dear readers were going to be hearing from me on the importance of estate planning. I’ve been bugging my family enough: It’s time to take this to a wider audience.
There are plenty of reasons why people put off estate planning. It’s sad to think about death. It’s complicated. It seems unnecessary if you don’t have a lot of assets. And it can feel daunting to try to find a lawyer to help draft the documents.
But everyone dies. And when you die, there are legal procedures your family has to follow in order to get your money, sell or transfer your assets, and wrap up your life. That kind of work is frankly no fun. And it’s even worse when you don’t have protections in place. Still, half of Americans have no estate planning documents, according to a 2025 survey from Caring.com.
Over the years that I’ve been writing about money, we’ve started breaking down a lot of the taboos around the topic. People feel more comfortable talking about salaries, prenups, and layoffs, for example. But people rarely talk about their experience managing the finances of their loved ones after death.
The first time I even learned about the concept of probate was back in the summer of 2023, when my friend Barbara Ginty, CFP, and I interviewed Kelly Schulze, a stay-at-home mom in Wisconsin, for Barbara’s podcast, Future Rich. Kelly’s estranged father died during the pandemic, and he didn’t have a will or trust, and as a result, Kelly, Kelly’s sister, and their stepmother ended up spending more than two years navigating probate in order to settle his estate. (Probate, for those who are unfamiliar with the term, is the legal process of settling an estate. It can be lengthy, messy, and expensive, which is why you want to avoid it if you can.)
But where do you even start in the estate planning process? Well, that’s what this guide is for. Truly, I wish I could call up each Purse reader and ask if you have a will and a power of attorney set up (and a life trust if you own your home or have significant assets). The next best thing is this guide, which will walk you through the process of what you need, and why.
From there, you’ll have to do a little research to find the right estate planning attorney for your needs. The crew at Steward can help with that. (And don’t forget that friends of The Purse receive $500 off their comprehensive estate plan when they use the code "PURSE" at payment through October 31, 2025. Learn more on the Steward website.)
Just a reminder: I’m not a lawyer, and I’m not offering legal or financial advice here, so when it comes to the really big questions, you need to consult a professional. But hopefully the contents of this guide will help you know what to ask.
What’s included in an estate plan?
The term “estate plan” feels alienating because it sounds like something reserved for an English gentleman who owns a manor house in Yorkshire, not a Brooklyn mom whose entire estate consists of an 800-square-foot, two-bed, one-bath condo and a handful of 401(k) plans she really needs to roll over.
But when you get past the cringey terminology, you can see that an estate plan is just a series of legal documents that help your family (and medical and legal authorities) understand your end-of-life wishes.
Most estate plans for regular people like you and me generally consist of the following documents:
A healthcare directive: If the shit hits the fan, your loved ones need to know how to handle your medical care. A healthcare directive lets everyone know your specific preferences when it comes to tough questions like which life-sustaining treatments to pursue. It also allows you to choose someone who will essentially be your advocate (and a backup for that someone, should they not be available). I named my husband, Ken, as my healthcare proxy, and my mom is the backup.
Not going to lie: This document is possibly the most heartbreaking legal doc out there. (I am not a lawyer, so I’ll ask the legal community to speak up if they have read something sadder.)
My directive (which I’m assuming is standard, though Google would not answer this question!) includes the line, “I do not fear death itself as much as the indignities of deterioration, dependence, and hopeless pain.”
Excuse me while I mop up the tears off of my laptop keyboard. (Also, I fear all of these things, but perhaps “hopeless pain” is worse than death?)
Power of attorney: Just like you need someone who can be your healthcare advocate, you also need a financial advocate. Unfortunately, even if you’re incapacitated or dead, you still have to pay your mortgage and the electric bill. But most financial institutions make it nearly impossible to give your family access to your accounts. That’s a good thing—until it’s not. A POA is an essential document that will help your family keep their lives running even if you’re not physically available to help.
Will: In the will, you outline how you want your assets to be distributed and, if you have kids, who you would like the guardian(s) to be. I remember taking my brother and sister-in-law out to dinner and asking them to be Freddy’s guardian. Nothing like discussing worst-case scenarios over a beer and bowl of ramen. (Yes, Ken and I paid for dinner that night. It felt like the least we could do.)
A will is an important document—especially if you have kids. But it won’t completely protect you from probate. Which is why you also need to set up a trust.
Revocable living trust: The word “trust” is maybe even more triggering than “estate.” It congers visions of spoiled trust fund babies living it up on yachts in the Hamptons. But as I’ve learned more about estate planning through my course and during the process of working with Steward, I’ve decided that trusts are both the most important and most confusing part of the process.
I appreciated how Meg explained it to me: A trust is essentially an empty cookie jar. And you have to “place” your financial assets in the jar. To do that, all you need to do is update the beneficiaries on all your accounts, including your mortgage, if you have one, naming the trust as the beneficiary. (Your spouse can be the first beneficiary, and the trust can be the second.)
Placing your financial assets in a trust protects you from going to probate, because it allows the assets to be automatically retitled in the name of the trust’s beneficiaries after your death (or another triggering event of your choosing). This can save everyone a lot of time and money (and allow you to keep your estate and the distribution of assets private).
Confused? That’s OK! It’s confusing! I’ve been studying this for weeks, and I still find it really complicated. But that’s why you need smart, compassionate professionals to help you through the process.
Questions to consider
Throughout the estate planning process, you’re going to have to ask yourself some hard questions. It’s totally OK if going through this gives you all the feels. I never said being on top of your finances is easy. But the reward for having an awkward conversation or two is peace of mind, and you really can’t put a price tag on that.
So what questions will you be asked? Just to name a few:
Who in your life do you want to be your advocate if you’re on life support?
Who do you want to care for your children if you and your spouse both die?
Who do you want to inherit your house and your retirement accounts?
Heavy stuff for sure. But it’s better than the alternative, where you die and people make a lot of decisions that make you want to roll over in your grave. Say you have crummy in-laws, and you don’t want them raising your children. Having a will with clear guardianship details will ensure that your kids are cared for by the people you choose.
Same goes for the healthcare directive. Most of us have strong feelings about life support and end-of-life care. But our loved ones may not know our desires. (I won’t fault you for not regularly talking about death and dying at the dinner table!) In order to protect your spouse or parents or siblings from having to make impossible decisions, it’s crucial to write down what you want.
How does the whole process work?
Honestly, it’s a whole lot less paperwork than getting a mortgage! Depending on what kind of assets you have, you may even be able to use an online program that will help you set up a will, healthcare proxy, and power of attorney.
If your estate is a little more complicated—you have kids and you own a home—you may want a little more support. Still, the basics are the same: You need a will, healthcare proxy, and a POA, plus a trust in order to help make the transfer of assets after death that much easier.
As outlined above, you’ll need to be prepared to answer a few questions about who you want to manage your affairs and how you want your assets distributed. Once you share that info with the estate planning attorney (or, in the case of Steward, spend some time with the online chat), they’ll draw up the documents, you’ll sign along with a notary and witnesses, and voila, you’re done. I told you it was easy!
If you only do one thing, do this:
Update your beneficiaries on your financial accounts. While writing this piece, I fell down a rabbit hole looking up the beneficiaries on an investment brokerage account I share with Ken. Spoiler alert: We didn’t have one set up.
It took all of five minutes to fix that. And now I won’t have to worry that the account will end up in probate.
If you do two things, do this:
If you don’t yet have an estate plan, set up a call with the team at Steward. Yes, I have a financial partnership with them. But I also really believe in their services. Meg took me through the onboarding process, and it’s relatively painless. It takes about 30 minutes, and the cost is a fraction of what Ken and I spent five years ago to set up our estate plan. Plus, they send a notary to your house to sign the documents, so you won’t have to find the time to schlep to a lawyer’s office.
And if Steward isn’t the right option for you, don’t let that stop you from taking the time to put these documents in place.
If you do three things, do this:
Last year, my friend Heather’s husband, Doug, wrote about composing a death note to your spouse or loved ones, which includes all the information that they might need access to after you die. It sounds terribly sad to write but also so important. I keep putting off writing one (and making Ken do the same), and working on this piece has been the kick in the butt I needed. It’s the cherry on top of the estate planning process.
Do you have questions? Drop them here in the comments.
If you missed the webinar I hosted with the Steward team, you can watch it here:
Really good advice, I wrote a few stories about this at Fortune and it's kind of become a pet issue of mine. The funnest (I guess?) advice I got there from an estate planner was to make sure you have someone you trust to "burn your journal"...or basically, make sure things aren't left behind that you might not want someone you love to find, for whatever reason.
It sounds a little scandalous, but I've been thinking about it a lot since I wrote the story, and we probably all have a few things we'd be okay with our families not seeing!
A few thoughts:
-We did comprehensive estate planning a few years ago and it has given me such peace of mind. Also, we now need to update these plans since my dad passed away this past year and my oldest child turned 18. So it is something that won't really ever end.
-My dad was so clear with us about his end-of-life wishes and so organized and it was such a gift at the end of his life and when we were all deep in grief afterwards. I am my mom's primary support person now so I need to check in with her regularly to make sure she is now updating passwords, etc. in a known place like my dad used to do.
-When my oldest turned 18 this past May, we had him fill out his own health care powers of attorney and living will. He doesn't really have many of his own financial assets yet but I should check with him that he has a beneficiary listed on his new bank account that he opened before going to college.
-In our state (Arizona), you have to have separate health care and mental health care powers of attorney. We learned this the hard way when my mom had a mental health crisis and her care was temporarily taken over by the state when my dad realized they only had a health care power of attorney. This was incredibly stressful for our family and he had to go to court to become her temporary guardian so he could make decisions for her (which she absolutely would have wanted from the start). I don't know if this is the case in any other states besides Arizona.
I'm a huge proponent of facing the hard stuff and getting these things in order well ahead of time, and updating them if needed! But it can be hard to prioritize amongst life's many other demands.