This is why I don’t really like giving out personal finance advice

But maybe I need to get over it?

During my peak #girlboss money era, on the Money Diaries book tour stop in Chicago. (I *hated* my hair and makeup that day!)

Years ago, when I worked at Refinery29, Paulette Perhach wrote a viral essay about fuck-off funds. It was a very literary piece, written in second person, about a young woman who makes a series of iffy financial decisions and ends up in a bad job and a bad relationship, neither of which she can exit because she doesn’t have enough money.

Halfway through the essay, Paulette essentially restarts the story, flipping the script, writing:

“If any man ever hit you, if anyone ever sexually harassed you, you’d tell him to fuck right off. You want to be, no, you will be the kind of woman who can tell anyone to fuck off if a fuck off is deserved, so naturally you start a Fuck Off Fund.”

And then she goes on to explain how to save that money for an emergency fund, which is the oldest (and arguably best) personal finance advice in the world: live below your means and find ways to earn more—even when it’s hard and no fun. Financial freedom is worth the sacrifice. (Truly!)

I hated the essay when it was published, and looking back nearly a decade later, I don’t really know why. I’m not going to link to the response I wrote on Refinery29, because frankly it’s embarrassing. (That was the peak of internet hot takes, and I definitely filed my share.) I’m going to blame the fact that I was six-weeks pregnant with Freddy and probably a big hormonal mess suffering from some gnarly morning sickness while trying to do my job like nothing was wrong.

Looking back, I realize that I completely missed the point of Paulette’s essay. And perhaps even more importantly, I missed the fact that it was not written for me, a 30-something married woman with a well-funded emergency savings account. Honestly, ranting for 1,000 words about all the things I didn’t like about Paulette’s essay was a true waste of time. At its core, she offered really good advice, and I have no doubt it inspired a lot of people to start their own fuck-off funds, which is awesome.

Why, you might wonder, am I writing now about a nine-year-old essay? I’ve been thinking a lot lately about personal finance advice, and what makes it good or bad. Recently, I was texting with a friend about a newsletter we both read and a piece of money advice the writer gave that I really didn’t like. My friend suggested I write a rebuttal, and I’ve been mulling the idea for a couple of weeks. But in formulating my response, I couldn’t help but think about Paulette’s essay, and it gave me pause. I could point out the flaws in this writer’s advice, but the truth is, the advice was not meant for me.

One of the reasons I loved working on Money Diaries, and that I love now working on Home Economics, is that everyone’s personal finance story is a little different, even if all the pieces sort of look the same on paper. Most of us have a job. We buy groceries. We lament over the high cost of health insurance (at least in the U.S.). Every now and then, we give in and buy a little treat (some of us more often than others). But how we feel about the way we spend and save our paychecks can vary wildly from person to person. I love this diversity of feelings, and it inspires much of what I do.

It also holds me back at times from doling out personal finance advice. For a while, I would use the excuse that I’m not a certified financial planner, but arguably that’s just imposter syndrome rearing its ugly head. I’ve been writing about this topic for a decade now. I know a few things.

But there are two big reasons I struggle to give out advice. One, people often want personal and specific advice. Unfortunately, what works for me won’t work for everyone. And what works for you might not work for me. And people get so grumpy when you give advice they don’t feel is relatable to their singular experience.

Of course, there are absolutely some simple basics that everyone should try to follow. Yet when you start to put that advice into action, it’s often way more complicated because it’s ultimately not just about dollars and cents. Emotions get involved. And intangible factors like gender, age, relationship status, and race are also thrown into the mix. Let’s not even get into family history! Or luck! Luck is a huge factor that most personal finance experts don’t want to acknowledge at all.

I’m pretty open that I come from a lot of privilege. I don’t have a financial sob story—or a crazy success story. I’ve never had to pay off significant debt, and I’m not a millionaire (yet). (Honestly, I think I would like to be one someday, but that’s a whole different newsletter for another day.) In an era where everyone is (rightfully) critical of girlboss-flavored women’s empowerment (tastes like aspartame, TBH), it can be nerve-racking to give advice and risk facing some pretty harsh blowback.

But there’s an even louder critique of personal finance advice that troubles me, and that’s the issue of personal responsibility versus the fucked-up system we live in (call it “the man” or “late-stage capitalism” or whatever). When it feels like the society we live in is fundamentally broken, the Earth is warming at an alarming rate, wars are raging, and the bad guys are in power, what’s the point of paying off debt, saving for retirement, and living within our means? Shouldn’t we just indulge in the latte and call it a day?

I’m so grateful that Katie Gatti Tassin addresses this issue toward the end of her forthcoming book, Rich Girl Nation, putting into words a feeling I’ve been struggling to express as eloquently. She writes:

“We talk often about how individual solutions fall short in the face of systemic inequities or structural opposition, but that makes it sound as though we, as individuals, are incapable of joining together to spark cultural and political change from the ground up…. Our ability to influence one another’s choices, values, perspectives, and lives is our superpower.”

I found myself really inspired by Katie’s book. (It’s wonderful; you should definitely preorder it!) And as we near the two-year anniversary (!) of The Purse, I’ve been thinking about how to continue to keep things interesting around here—for you, dear readers, and for myself. Don’t be surprised if you see future newsletters focused on concrete financial advice. (What do you want to learn about?)

Of course, the advice won’t be for everyone—and in truth, readers shouldn’t want it to be universal. If it was, it would be so boring and surface! (And you can find that on so many other websites.) Still, it will be my own brand of advice: straight-forward, actionable, and not judgy. I really don’t like personal finance experts who yell at the people looking for help!

But in the same breath, I want to remind readers that personal finance experts are fallible humans with their own emotional baggage and money stories. Ramit Sethi might have sold over a million books, but not everyone¹ is going to agree with his advice that renting is smarter than buying a home. For some people, it might be. For others, not so much! (I personally have a lot of feelings about home buying, and how it’s so much more than just a financial decision—again a different newsletter for another day.)

As consumers of personal finance content—especially when you’re looking for answers to complicated questions—you need to take responsibility to analyze the advice and decide what works for you. Find the experts who share your values and listen to them, and then take another step and fact-check their advice. Honestly, you can feel free to ignore the rest. (Even if that means ignoring The Purse, LOL.)

I plan to continue publishing Home Economics as well as work with a diverse slate of experts so I won’t be the only voice on The Purse. With that goal in mind, I realized that when I look at who I regularly tap for financial advice, I don’t have nearly enough POC experts in my Rolodex. If you have any recommendations, please let me know!

I feel immensely grateful that I’ve gotten to spend the better part of a decade writing about women and money, learning from so many smart people. I don’t always get it right, but I’m learning to admit when I’m wrong. Ideally, we’re all growing along the way—right along with our fuck-off funds.

Random Extras:

• Speaking of Katie, we’ll be at the 92nd Street Y on Wednesday, June 11, to discuss her new book. I really can’t wait, and I think it will be the most interesting conversation! And if you’re not in NYC, there’s an option to attend virtually. Get tickets here!

• And on the topic of home buying, my friend Priya Malani, founder of Stash Wealth, is hosting a first-time homebuyers event in Brooklyn on Wednesday, June 4. Purse readers can get $10 off tickets with the code PURSEVIP. You can find more info here. (Early-bird pricing ends on May 24.)

• For this month’s paid subscriber sweepstakes, one lucky reader will win a $25 gift certificate to the bookstore of their choice, one $25 gift certificate to the coffee shop of their choice, and a $25 donation to the charity of their choice. I’ll also be donating 20% of all new paid subscriptions during the month of May to Moms Demand Action.²

1. Me. I don’t agree with him!

2. The sweepstakes is limited to readers within the U.S. It closes at 11:59 p.m. ET on May 31, 2025. To enter without upgrading to a paid subscription, please reply to this email by 11:59 p.m. ET on May 31, 2025, that you would like to be entered in the sweepstakes. If there are any further questions, simply respond to this email, and I will do my best to answer them.