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I’m from Italy, have lived in the US for almost a decade, and I certainly have strong opinions about USD-carrying folks traveling to my home country and splashing all of it on instagram! Regarding affordability, I frankly assumed that many Americans do what they do in Italy because while the euro is stronger than the dollar, US salaries are much higher than Italian salaries. Folks earning USD paychecks will be surprised at what lovely hotels in what beautiful places they can afford in Italy for a fraction of the cost of a nondescript chain stateside. For comparison: this summer, my American partner and I spent three nights in a Bay Area Holiday Inn on a business trip, and three nights in a four-star farm-style resort in Umbria, central Italy. The bills wound up about the same for drastically different experiences. (Keep in mind that because I am from Italy and keep a home base in Italy while living in the US, traveling in Italy is domestic travel to me.) Having said that, this is precisely the problem. American travel to Italy can be shockingly tone-deaf. This past summer Instagram really conveyed an image of Italy as a giant playground across the pond, and that made me so mad, because it’s not! Italians living on Italian paychecks can barely afford to vacation in our own country the way Americans do! And overtourism is driving prices of restaurants to ungodly highs! Sure, the problem isn’t isolated to Italy: think about Southeast Asia, a western world vacation favorite where the pockets of tourists are much deeper than the locals’. But still. The problem with any social media depiction of luxurious overseas travel is that it absolutely ignores the fact that real people live in these countries, who wake up every day to pick up the grind with no time to drink Aperol spritz on a cobblestone piazza. A couple summers ago a politician with the Ministry of Tourism made an offhanded comment about American families spending $20k for a vacation in Italy, and how the country has to deliver to them. People were enraged. For some of them, 20k is an annual salary.

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Enrica, thank you so much for sharing this! As Rebecca dropped in the comments below, she wrote about the problem with overtourism recently.

Americans behaving badly overseas really causes me so much pain and embarrassment. I traveled quite a bit growing up b/c of my dad's job, and I think those experiences really shaped who I am. But we were also taught you have to go in w/ an open mind and heart and good manners when you're abroad.

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As I'm sure you did and do, just like so many other Americans visiting Italy! Don't get me wrong: I'm honored and humbled by just how much Americans seem to like and respect my country. Growing up in it, I had no idea about its appeal to foreigners because of the food, the landscapes, the art, etc. What I often have a problem with is when it seems like there's no concept of real Italian life beyond "la dolce vita" depictions on social media, which are hardly a common daily life experience. Italians are guilty the other way around! They hardly understand American life beyond what movies have shown them about New York City or Santa Monica, and if they travel to the US, they rarely venture outside those notions.

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Ha, yes, as a 20-year New Yorker, it's unusual to find tourists outside of the most popular destinations, and it's made certain places (like the High Line) basically impossible for locals to enjoy.

I truly believe the best travel is when you have a local friend there to show you around. It's a treat when you can make that happen!

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Oct 30Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 Yes!

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Oct 30Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

This is so so helpful! I agree about the pressure of your 40's to stay in these very expensive places- like look at me! Im a full grown adult! I can afford these now! However, my goal is to take my two kids on a 12 day international trip every other summer. Since buying 4 plane tickets is painful, we tap out around 300 a night. Which, as you mentioned, is not as sexy as some other places. However, my kids are constantly talking about our trip to denmark from 2023 and we are going to france in 2025 so I try to focus on how awesome it is that we even get to do this rather than how fancy the hotel is. Also, when I am preparing for this trip, it doesnt have to look like instagram when I am there. I can wear normal clothes and just be a happy, polite and engaged citizen of the world who cant wait to see/learn more and to share it with my kids. Thank you so much for writing something that I will certainly have to reread between now and next summer.

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Ah what a cool goal! Your kids are so lucky!

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Oct 30Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

For travel, I think it’s so important to think about your VALUES. What do you really care about? For me, I like staying in design forward hotels that think about the details and I HATE stuffy luxury hotels. I would also prefer a great campsite over an average hotel any day.

I also think it’s so easy to spend a lot of money on other people’s dreams (aka wedding and group trips) instead of your own. That doesn’t always feel great.

My advice is to set a budget and then find joy and creativity into making it special for yourself! Is there an art workshop you’ve wanted to try? Can you skip the fancy hotel and get a day pass to a spa to get the feeling of luxury? There are so many hacks!!!

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Love this, Brenna! And feel you 100% on the spending on other people's dreams! I think it's made travel weird for a lot of people.

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Oct 30Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

I LOVED this essay. Thank you for writing it. We had to cancel a much-planned and much-anticipated trip this fall due to a death in our family and the reactions of those around us have been so interesting. Sometimes travel isn't possible, isn't ideal or just isn't in the budget. I also agree that influencers play such an outsize role here and I would never ever want to live their lives of constant posting.

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I'm so sorry about the death in your family, Lucy! ❤️

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Oct 30Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

Loved that you wrote about this topic, Lindsey! I have felt similar pangs of jealousy as you have.

On longer trips, what has worked for me is breaking up the trip into chunks and choosing different levels of accommodation for each. I was lucky enough to go to Italy a few years ago with my fiance and another couple and we visited Rome, Positano, and Venice. We managed our budget by staying in Airbnbs in Rome and Positano (we were barely there anyways) and splurged on a "nicer" hotel for our final day in Venice. When I went to Hawaii with my fiance last year, we took a similar approach - we booked a "budget" hotel for our stay in Oahu and "splurged" on our stay in Kawaii, although this was made possible due to some help from credit card points.

I think the point you made about prioritizing what is important is key!

Btw - check out Hotel Yountville in the Napa area! It's a lovely hotel in a quiet town with a ton of restaurants. We found an incredible deal last summer and I can see that their prices are still a lot cheaper compared to other luxury hotels in the area. Enjoy your trip!!

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Thank you for the hotel rec! I will check it out! And credit card points can definitely be great for booking travel! For this trip, the covered most our flights (and same for the DR trip in the spring).

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Hah came here to recommend Yountville!

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And also Glen Ellen Star restaurant. So good. So reasonable. https://glenellenstar.com

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Ooh thanks for the tip!

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Another good Napa alternative is Olea Hotel in Glen Ellen. Was very nice when we stayed in 2015 and they've rebuilt a lot of it since the fires several years ago.

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Oct 30Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

Love this post! Very much not an influencer, but as someone in their early 30s who travels a good amount (and to some nice places with the IG photos to prove it!) some things that make it possible for me:

- I have no kids! No pets! I have a good job! I am healthy! The amount of disposable income I have just by nature of these facts is enough I can save a few hundred dollars each month to put towards travel, which adds up.

-Credit card points. I have two travel cards and put all my spending on them, and I pretty much only use my points for travel. One of my cards gives me a hotel credit that lets me have an annual stay in a hotel that would otherwise be out of my budget! (And you bet I have the IG photo to prove it!)

-Business travel. I used to travel a decent amount for work, and I'd try and fly the same airline and stay at the same hotel group to get points. Last year I paid for a Marriott room for a wedding weekend totally with points, which allowed me to save that money for a fun trip instead.

-Privilege. If I'm going home to see my parents for the holidays, they pay for my cross-country flight, even now. This allows me to save that cost for flights for personal travel (and gets me airline miles I can redeem in the future for my own trips). I understand that I am very lucky to have this and recognize that it helps make the rest of my travel possible!

-Life stage. Most of the fun places I've gone recently I wouldn't have gone if it hadn't been for a wedding or bachelorette party. It was still my choice to go and I still paid for it, but I think being in that phase of life means I'm naturally in more "glamorous" places than someone older or younger than me might be, even if they could afford it! (It also means more pictures in these pretty locations in fancy clothes, which makes the whole trip feel fancy even if you're on an air mattress in a 10-person Airbnb!)

-Priorities & choices on where you save! I'm single and go to a LOT of destination weddings, and that's not where I really want to spend my hotel money. So instead I stay with friends - I share beds, I sleep on pull out couches and air mattress, I ask my two best friends and their husbands to split a two-queen hotel room with me. Anything to avoid paying for two nights in a hotel by myself. I also cut costs on transportation - I take very early and very late flights to get the cheaper option, I fly budget airlines happily, and I often take public transportation to/from the airport where available when I'm traveling on my own. (e.g. my weekend in the Hamptons probably looked glamorous on IG, but it ended with a 12+ hr travel day that included two buses, the subway and an Amtrak train. Would rather spend that money on a fun night out! :))

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This is great, Jordan! I'm always a little jealous of people who travel for work and are able to parlay it into more affordable personal travel.

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I used to be a big traveler, and my rule of thumb was to try to never pay for it all myself. When I was in my 20s I'd Airbnb my apartment while I was away and kept a spreadsheet ledger of money in/out to make sure I was neutral on travel costs. Later I worked as a management consultant and accrued tons of Starwood hotel points during business travel I'd then redeem while on vacation.

Then later in life when I stopped doing hotel business travel and didn't want to host in my home due to having a family, I moved all household spending to a single travel rewards credit card (Barclay Arrivals). That let me use points to reimburse myself for most major travel expenses. I also by then was traveling less often and to less far-away places, so even though we aren't huge spenders the points cover a big chunk of our costs (this is not a credit card ad!). I am a believer in springing for comfort when traveling, and also in not stretching yourself financially for travel, so this is a happy medium that works for me.

It also helps to remind myself of all the discomforts of travel (particularly travel with kids) when I see gorgeous instagram photos of friends' trips. I've traveled enough to know i'm not missing a lot by staying home and enjoying my own home community. Not dealing with flight delays, middle seats, and whining children is just a lovely way to live in my opinion :)

On that note, I actually just wrote a contrarian piece on travel which might be helpful for those yearning to bypass the Insta-fueled travel race: https://www.yourhousemachine.com/p/a-step-to-add-to-your-travel-planning

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Rebecca, I meant to include this piece in my newsletter, but I had a hard time fitting everything in! I thought it was really interesting! I appreciated your perspective!

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Thank you for saying so!

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Oct 31Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

I loved this piece! It really did resonate because I am sometimes jealous and have to put those feelings away. You know what else I get quietly jealous of when I see some of those social media posts? PTO. How do some people have so much time out of the office? I have a fairly generous 3 week PTO plan but it still gets largely eaten up by taking time for the holidays, or a day off here and there to stay home with a sick kiddo. I haven't managed a full week off for an actual vacation since 2021.

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Ooh yes, PTO jealousy is SO real!! And so hard w/ kids when they have a million and one days off school. My son is barely going in the month of November or December.

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Here is some perspective and background: My husband is European, so for us the main cost is plane fare. Once we're there, we stay with one of his sisters and they drive us around, so our only costs while we are there are treating our hosts to a nice dinner and such. The big cost is time off. Harrie ruined his knees playing baseball (yeah, in the Netherlands -- you'd think it would have been soccer). One of his legs was completely rebuilt after someone slid into his knee and as catcher he spent a lot of time squatting. So he was in constant pain for years. To be able to have his knee replacements, he needed to save up enough vacation time for recovery. So for about five years, he hoarded every spare hour of vacation time so he could use it during his two knee replacement recoveries. Very unfortunately, his leg broke that same year (right in between the two surgeries!) when a load of steel tubing fell on him at work. Needless to say, that ate up all his vacation time and then some, forcing us to live on short-term disability and savings for a while, which was not our plan. We haven't been able to visit his family in Europe since 2017.

Our answer has been to turn our backyard into a very pleasant space where we can enjoy ourselves and invite friends. If you're sitting in an attractive space, surrounded by a treehouse, a goldfish pond, a covered deck, a nice patio area, a fire pit, etc., and you've got some nice music on your smart speaker or being played live (we have musical friends who record in our attic studio) and you've made good food and have some wine or fancy coffee etc., you are on "vacation" in your own private "resort." In the summer, we now can put up our seasonal pool thanks to my viral article that threw some money our way, which is even better. (Other than the pool and new patio pavers my article paid for, all of this stuff was built by hand from scrap material for free.)

Unrelated to the financial reasons: During the pandemic we adopted two dogs. The elderly tripod beagle mix has severe separation anxiety and has to have me (first choice) or my husband (acceptable) or my son (somewhat acceptable) around at all times. I don't think she'd survive two weeks away from me, so for as long as we have her, we'll be "vacationing" at home. She's thought to be about 14 years old, so I do not want to stress her out. I'd never forgive myself if she died while I was galavanting around Europe! (I did take my kids and grandkids to the beach for a few days as a family Christmas gift instead of presents last winter, but my poor husband had to stay with the dog.)

We know we will go to Europe again eventually. We also plan to load up the car with a tent and sleeping bags and see some national parks here. We only took one real vacation when I was a kid. Most of my friends grew up about the same. I couldn't take my kids on any real vacation until I married Harrie and we all went to see his family in Europe, which was just after my oldest graduated from high school. Being able to vacation regularly is a luxury the majority of humanity does not get.

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Nov 1Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

Sorry to hear about your husband’s ordeal. I can relate to this as we too stay with family when traveling overseas to my husband’s home country. But even just getting there can be incredibly expensive and not everyone is working in finance. As a kid we only had one fancy vacation which was because my dad got an inheritance. Usually we traveled to see my grandparents overseas with a lot of help from a friend who could get us much discounted plane tickets. Otherwise we probably wouldn’t have been able to visit much. Any travel is a luxury. There are probably tens of millions of Americans who have never really traveled.

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Oct 31Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

I’m sorry but this sounds so sad. In Europe he would have had paid leave for his operation that would be free of cost.

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Oct 30Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

Budgeting is so hard, and something that has become more important for us since having kids. We tend to prioritize flights that fit our young kids' sleep schedules, but save on hotels & food by eating breakfast and lunch on our own, and splurging on dinner. We're pretty picky about activities, but have splurged on like zoo passes, because we know our kids will be delighted.

We have 3 international trips next year, two with kids, and we're very much so in budgeting mode, trying to find the cheapest flights and decent hotels. I feel that when we go to Europe, it's actually easier, because it's much more family friendly than the US. We also tend to favor public transport over taxis and ubers.

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Yes, I really prefer public transportation whenever possible. We did a family trip to Seattle a couple of summers ago and didn't rent a car, relying instead on busses. It was definitely an adventure at times! But ultimately much nicer than trying to navigate a big city in a car.

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I should also add that I recently moved into a position that includes international travel, and my husband and i are taking advantage of free flights and hotel rooms for these trips.

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The dream! My dad traveled a ton for work when I was growing up, and we tagged along on a lot of trips that way!

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I definitely have these same feelings!! Any trip where I spend more than $200 on a hotel room is rare, and I often wish I could spend more to stay at nicer places, but it's just not possible right now.

I also wonder this a lot about how people are affording their rent/mortgages. I'm lucky to live in a very affordable studio by New York City standards, but I feel really jealous about other people's much more aesthetic apartments. I know the extra cost is just not worth it for me right now, but I can't help but have real, "why not me?/how do you afford that on your salary?" feelings.

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Ugh, yes, the housing jealousy is also SO hard! Probably worth a whole other post.

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Oct 30Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

Thanks for sharing this! Growing up, my family was big on travel, especially for outdoor activities like windsurfing, scuba diving, and backpacking. My parents prioritized travel over material things, so I assumed I’d do the same as an adult. However, as a single teacher on a modest salary, it’s been tough to keep up. My family’s travel plans often exceed my budget, and it’s exhausting to keep saying, “I can’t afford it.” Recently, my sister was upset that I skipped a family Europe trip but agreed to a domestic weekend getaway with a friend. That’s when I stopped saying, “I can’t afford it,” and started saying, “This is how I’m choosing to spend my travel budget this year.” I think reframing it in these terms has helped me see that it’s all about choices, and I am the one deciding what gets prioritized. This is true adulting!

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Yes! Love this! Good for you, Greta!

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Oct 30Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

We take about 3 big trips a year, as a family of 3. Travel is a big priority for us and every trip is a big trip (ie: one involving an airport) as we are in Hawai`i and can’t just hop in a car and drive somewhere.

We do put aside a bit of money each month, but the real way we’ve managed to do it is by playing the points game. My husband racks up hotel points and amex points through his small business and we put all of our every day expenses on a chase card. All together that means we can stay at nice hotels, often with breakfast and other perks thrown in, on points. We hoard our mileage for long haul flights (3 flights to Japan next year!), but otherwise take the cheapest flights.

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Oct 30Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

Thank you for this! It is very difficult to see people taking expensive holidays and wondering why you can't do that. As a New Zealander, the flight costs for us are a huge part of the overall travel budget when we travel internationally. We recently went to South East Asia with 2 small children. We saved for about 4 years for this trip so we didn't borrow money for it (I often wonder if people fund trips through borrowing or credit card debt). We booked modest hotels, and splurged on a 5 star hotel in one location simply because another hotel we were staying in was so grotty and unsanitary we had to quickly move out. We also book places where we can cook or prepare food- that saves tonnes of money. With small kids, we often prepared their food, then would order a takeaway for ourselves (the kids didn't want to eat out anyway). Having a daily budget also helps!

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My husband and I have learned that our non-negotiable is a really comfortable place to stay. We have taken three trips in our marriage (including our honeymoon) and one of those trips we chose a really cheap Airbnb. We felt safe, but it wasn’t a very nice place, and ended up being really draining on what could have been a more restful trip. Doesn’t have to be luxury by any means! But just…really comfy.

Also - normalize non-aesthetic trips and occasions! My bachelorette party was the day before our wedding and we stayed at my friends’ parents’ house and cooked our own food and swam in their pool, and we had a blast. I recently saw Hannah Brown (of bachelorette fame) putting together her “bridesmaid proposal” gifts, and they were extravagant (and most of it was surely gifted from brands) but like! You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to! I simply said to my friends “hey will you be my bridesmaid?” And it all turned out great 😂

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Your bachelorette party feels right up my alley!

And yes, comfortable is key, and there really is a fine line when it comes to more affordable hotels. Ken has a higher threshold than I do, LOL.

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Oct 30Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

Something that I think is happening isn't that actually made clear is that some percentage of people who are influencers/content creators are treating these trips as business expenses so they claiming these expenses on their taxes and getting some fiscal breaks on the backend from these $$$ trips.

I'll also echo what others have said and share that travel is something important to me so I do actively save for it, I use my credit card that gets me airline miles for as much as I possibly can (and pay it off every month, of course), and I'm content to save money in other areas (I drive a 14 year old car) to put more money toward travel.

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Yes, Wendy, re: tax breaks for business expenses. Not gonna lie, a piece of me wondered if I SHOULD turn the Punta Cana trip into a newsletter so I could write off the expense!

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