Division of Labor No. 5: A self-employed executive coach and a technical account manager raising 3 teens in Seattle
Mom + entrepreneur + softball coach = one crazy-busy schedule
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Hello! Can you believe it’s the end of May? This month has been such a whirlwind—it kicked off with the lice infestation (nope, still not over it!) and never really let up. But I spent last week busy with The Purse Business Week (which was so satisfying), and then we had a really lovely long weekend in Cape Cod, where my almost-8-year-old played Monopoly for the first time. (The whole thing was so hilarious and sweet and also slightly terrifying, as my mom taught him the importance of spending money to make money.)
Time moves at such an insane pace these days: The days and weeks and months just melt away, and I often feel annoyed with myself for not getting more done. But there’s a lot to be said for letting yourself take a break, whether you get outside for a long, meandering walk with a friend or indulge in an ice cream after a competitive round of mini-golf. (Is it really a hole in one if you get it on a redo swing? Asking for a friend. 🙂) We all know the to-do list will never be done, and I know I’ll always be pushing the goal post back further, as I strive to grow The Purse. But what’s the point of it all if you’re not having a little fun along the way?
Just a reminder that I’m donating $5 of every new annual subscription to Chamber of Mothers through May 31. I really appreciate everyone who’s able to upgrade their membership to paid. I’ve been planning ways I’ll be reinvesting that money into The Purse this summer and into the fall, and I’ve got a lot of cool things on the horizon! Your support makes it possible for me to spend even more time on The Purse, and it means so much to me!
Today, we’ve got another edition of The Division of Labor. I’ve had a few people reach out lately about how to submit to this series, and I’m working on putting together a Google form (thanks for the push, Mindy!). But one thing I’ve been fretting over is the lack of diversity in this series. So while I encourage anyone who’s interested to submit their story (just reply to this email and let me know you’re interested!), I’m also actively trying to recruit families who look a little different than those featured so far.
I love today’s edition because it features a family of five with older kids, and it offers a peek into the craziness of big kids in sports. I’ll let Adrienne and Matt take it from here.
Division of Labor
Name: Adrienne Kortas
Age: 44
Spouse’s Name: Matt Kortas
Spouse’s Age: 47
Number of children and their ages: B, 14, and twins, L and G, 12
Your job and how many hours you work per week: I’m the CEO of Kortas Coaching and Consulting, LLC. As a self-employed leadership coach, I work from home about 40 hours per week, but on the days I travel for client engagements, I work nonstop.
Your spouse’s job and how many hours they work per week: Sales engineer/technical account manager for a major tech company. Matt works full time, about 40 hours per week, and he travels at least one week per month, sometimes two.
Type of childcare you use: None, unless we’re traveling for work. We both work from home, and I try to set my hours so my day ends when the kids are home from school, though that’s more about giving them attention and getting them places than traditional childcare these days. 🙂
How do you split up household responsibilities: Matt manages the household finances, the household laundry, after-dinner dishes, garbage, garage, vehicles, and household maintenance. (For example, there’s a contractor updating our front railing right now, and the fridge went into Sabbath mode yesterday—he’s the guy for both of those things.) He is planning our spring break trip for the first time. He will do the grocery shopping and some meal planning/prep/cooking—especially when I’m out of town. He also makes sure we go on dates by researching, tracking, and buying concert and event tickets.
If you ask the family, I’m the keeper of the family calendar. Nobody knows what’s going on that day/week unless you ask me or actually walk over to look at the “Skylight” calendar. I do all the social/emotional parenting for the kids (with Matt’s support, of course), as well as setting up routines and rules, discussing situations at school and with friends, etc. I also do the majority of meal planning and cooking. I plan most of the family events and vacations, smooth out conflicts between activities, share reminders, and handle logistics day to day, week to week. I make sure the kids have clothes that fit, schedule haircuts and doctor appointments, fill out all the school paperwork, and read all the school emails. I also manage all the sports sign-ups and equipment.
Both of us volunteer for school and community activities, though I tend to take on more of this as a softball coach for two teams.
How did you decide who does what: By telepathy? In all seriousness, we just have been doing things in our “areas of expertise” for so long we really don’t formally decide; we just do. Life moves too fast. And if there’s a question about it, generally it breaks down: Kids = Adrienne and house/finance = Matt. We figure out the rest by talking about what’s coming up and who will take care of it. There’s rarely an argument because Matt is a very easygoing guy. He’ll also pick up the slack when my schedule gets overloaded with work travel (which is about two weeks each month) and other commitments. 🙂
Do you feel like it’s a fair division of labor: Yes, for the most part. Sometimes things take longer to get done than they should because there’s so much to do, but we each do what we can with our strengths and abilities and are fairly motivated to get things done at the same pace, so neither of us feels like we’re doing more than is fair.
Anything else you’d like to share? You’ll see from the below table that on this day, Matt wasn’t very focused on the family while he was away on his work trip—that’s not a dig, he’s just a compartmentalizer. But as a mom, my head is always dual-processing (worrying?) about work AND family, even when I’m traveling. I also have massive stamina, but I’m totally overcommitted between work, volunteer, and family commitments right now, which is hard for me, but Matt will take it all in stride.
Matt and Adrienne shared a Wednesday in late March.
4:30 a.m.
Adrienne: I have been up since 4:10 a.m. CT to pack up and get myself ready to leave the hotel and head back home to Seattle after this week’s work trip.
5:00 a.m.
Adrienne: Meet shuttle driver in the hotel lobby and catch a ride to the airport. It’s quick, and I fly through TSA PreCheck, skipping CLEAR because that line is longer. (I make a mental note about whether I should renew CLEAR even though I get a discount with my business credit card.)
5:30 a.m.
Adrienne: Sit in the airport lounge, catching up on email and drinking a latte because there’s no going back to sleep.
6:00 a.m.
Adrienne: Book myself more meetings for today after I land at home. Around 6:15 a.m., I head to the gate and board my flight.
6:30 a.m.
Adrienne: *Ding* Now that we’ve reached 10,000 feet, it’s time to get out my laptop and keep working! I pay for the Wi-Fi so I can get some proposals drafted for upcoming engagements.
Matt: Wake and shower.
7:00 a.m.
Adrienne: Spend a little of my Wi-Fi time planning a trip to Mexico in August. We are going with another family, and it will be our first all-inclusive resort experience. I’m already looking forward to relaxing poolside with a margarita.
Matt: Take out trash, make my breakfast while kids make theirs (they also make their own lunches). We talk about the day ahead, and I remind them about the plan after school.
7:30 a.m.
Adrienne: Three statements of work sent off, many emails answered. Breakfast consumed, two cups of coffee, one bathroom break.
Matt: Order Uber to airport.
8:00 a.m.
Adrienne: Remember the girls need to bring their uniforms to school so they can change after their musical rehearsal, since I’ll be picking them up and leaving right from school to go to their softball game. I text them from the plane just in time before they leave for school. Thank goodness for in-air texting! Roughly half of the uniform items are located. I make a mental note to find the rest, which are surely in the laundry and in their bedroom. I’ll hand them off to my daughter after her doctor’s appointment this afternoon.
Matt: Make sure kids get out the door on time. They walk to school. Then I get in the Uber and head to the airport.
8:30 a.m.
Matt: Go through airport security and head to the gate.
9:00 a.m.
Adrienne: I land in Seattle, and I’m back on Pacific Standard Time. I find the picture of my parking stall so I can remember where I parked on Monday morning.
Matt: Board the plane.
9:30 a.m.
Adrienne: I listen to a podcast while I sit in traffic on the drive home from the airport. When I get home, I unpack my suitcase and move my kids’ laundry to the dryer (they do their own laundry, and one of them washed a load before school). Then I get back online to keep working.
Matt: Flight to San Jose.
10:00 a.m.
Adrienne: At exactly 10:00 a.m. I buy concert tickets for our favorite band, who will be here in August. We’ve been waiting for this! Normally Matt is the one to purchase tickets, but he’s on a flight.
Matt: Kill time on the flight by listening to a podcast and reading.
10:30 a.m.
Adrienne: First meeting of the day. It’s a group-coaching session for women leaders at a game studio.
11:00 a.m.
Adrienne: Meeting #1 interrupted, as I try to figure out who’s outside my house. It’s not a thief (there’s a lot of petty theft in Seattle); it’s the guy here to repair our decks. Matt forgot to tell me he was coming, so I jumped when I encountered him at my garage door!
11:30 a.m.
Adrienne: I eat a quick lunch, and I try to stay focused on work tasks, but I keep getting interrupted by personal emails. I’m the coach of my twins’ softball team, and there are lots of softball-related emails today.
12:00 p.m.
Adrienne: I remember that B has baseball practice at the same time as the girls’ scrimmage tonight, and I need to arrange a carpool. I start texting…
Matt: Deplane and meet up with colleagues at the airport.
12:30 p.m.
Adrienne: Get a text from my mom about her arrival tomorrow. She and my stepdad live in Florida, and they will be visiting us for almost two weeks. I ask Matt for details about the car he ordered for them and start thinking about other things I need to do before they get here.
Matt: Take an Uber with my colleagues to the company office.
1:00 p.m.
Adrienne: Meeting #2: Prospect call for a women’s leadership program.
Matt: Quick lunch with colleagues.
1:30 p.m.
Adrienne: Meeting #3: Prospect call for a facilitation engagement.
Matt: Head into work meetings.
2:00 p.m.
Adrienne: Head to school to pick G up for her doctor’s appointment.
2:30 p.m.
Adrienne: While waiting with G for her doctor’s appointment, B gets home from school. I text to remind him to continue working on his science fair project, which is due this week.
3:00 p.m.
Adrienne: We’re still waiting to see the doctor, and I decide we can’t keep waiting. I reschedule the appointment as a telemedicine appointment for next week (it took some negotiating). Then we hustle to get home, pick up softball uniforms and water bottles, and race back to school to drop G off with L for their musical rehearsal this afternoon.
3:30 p.m.
Adrienne: After I drop off G, I head over to a sandwich shop to pick up the online order I placed from the doctor's office when I realized we had no plans for dinner. I take a call from one of my kid’s teachers to discuss a school-related issue.
4:00 p.m.
Adrienne: Get home and catch up with B. We talk about his science fair project, last night’s baseball game, his week at school so far, practice tonight, and where he’s going to sleep while his grandparents are visiting. I send him off to pick up his room and start his laundry.
4:30 p.m.
Adrienne: I go to change for the softball game and realize my coach’s sweatshirt is dirty from last weekend. I go into my daughter's room to borrow her sweatshirt, but I end up cleaning it up instead. Check with other coaches to make sure everything is squared away for tonight’s game (lineup, gear, etc.).
5:00 p.m.
Adrienne: Return to checking email and writing new proposals as follow-up to prospect meetings I had earlier today.
Matt: Wrap up the meeting and drive to client dinner.
5:30 p.m.
Adrienne: Meeting #4: Client requested an urgent meeting about scheduling sessions for an engagement.
Matt: Client dinner.
6:00 p.m.
Adrienne: Head back to school to pick up the girls and take them to their softball game. I bring the sandwiches with me to eat on the way.
6:30 p.m.
Adrienne: Softball warmup. While I’m with the girls, B is picked up by the carpool for his baseball practice.
7:00 p.m.
Adrienne: Softball game.
8:30 p.m.
Matt: Drive to the hotel after client dinner.
9:00 p.m.
Adrienne: Game ends at 9:00 p.m. After long goodbyes on the field, I pack up and drive home with girls.
Matt: Head to bed.
9:30 p.m.
Adrienne: We get home around 9:45 p.m. About the time we get home, B is dropped off by his carpool. I unpack car, and the kids change and get ready for bed
10:30 p.m.
Adrienne: Everyone crashes in bed. I watch an episode of The Bear before falling asleep.
Thank you so much, Adrienne and Matt, for sharing your day!
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Random Extras
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I'm curious who does the cleaning. I can totally appreciate her comments about the mindset. How she thinks about family and work and he tends to think only of work while on work trips
I can relate to this schedule a lot although this was an impressively long day with the air travel at the very beginning all the way to not getting home from softball until 9:45pm! With three preteen/teen kids, our days can often be very long too. They are way more independent with things like making school lunches and doing their own laundry, like this family, but only one of our kids has his driver's license so there's still a ton of coordinating and logistics with various activities and healthcare appointments (so many trip to the orthodontist if your kid needs braces!). And many activities only happen if there are parent volunteers. Which involves lots of emails and time in the evenings. So I could also relate to the constant personal and work life juggling back and forth and attention switching. Although summer comes with its own challenges, I do enjoy a break from the after-school hustle for a bit.