A thing that is helping me right now is to remind myself to stay in my lane. I cannot respond to/donate to/focus on/try to fix ALL of the things happening right now... I just can't. But I can focus on making a difference in the area where I have the most expertise and figure out how to fight the bullshit in that area.
Also, reading lots of easy reads and going to the pool and reminding myself that people have always found ways to find small joys in the worst moments of history, so I don't have to feel guilty for having some good days too.
I'm coping with a few 'not my goal but can't control' activities: uh, buying myself fall clothing in hopes that I can look a little 'cooler' as I middle-age; hunting for vintage thingianas on Marketplace; being inert on my couch. I say I can't control these things because they feel like 'must do' things - for coping. None of them align with my goals per se. None of them have budget, time or money, allotted. My more positive coping strategies: like someone already said, staying in my lane. Trying to add help (money, mindset, mentoring) locally and when asked to be communally engaged. Trying to meet one daily goal, that I can control, and it's phrased like this (apologies for profanity), "was I an asshole to anyone today?" The answer always needs to be no. Then I've coped with 'out there' in a manner that feels better to me. My final coping strategy: I am hoping, in a few weeks, to reach out to people who see the world differently than I do. I feel like I need to learn more and understand more about where other people's points of view land, develop, generate.
I am retired so my perspective is different. I live in Texas, yes where the flooding was, no major damage for hubby and I, just a bit of overflow. We each took turns bailing the water. We are safe, but there is a solemness, a loss of joy, and stoicism in our bones for others. It is a July fourth that will not be forgotten. One thing that truly amazes me is the fundraising, cookouts and just donations that people do here. There are also repercussions from the storm, a boiling water for some areas, so much garbage from torn apart houses and RVs. It blows your mind. They have suspended the search for bodies, too much dirt, garbage, and fill, to find people.
Not a lot of people have insurance so fundraisers, and whatever can be done to help is being done. On another hand I have insurance and pay a lot for it. I realize that I worked my whole life for insurance premiums. That is a kick in the pants. I am also the grocery shopper, meal maker, and laundress. Some things never stop!
I am keeping track of the amount of layoffs, how I can support them, give them words of encouragement and occasionally a cup of coffee. I am fed up with the news as it is reported. The economy is bad, you are experiencing this first hand but you have to really look at other indicators and sources to know how bad it is. I am going to say this now, not everything you do can be turned into a revenue stream. Accept that. Not everyone can garden and make enough food to carry them through a year. When gardening you get glimpses into what farming is like, praise every farmer you meet. Seriously. You might have to entertain moving to a lower cost area whether you are retiring or not. If you can do a little bit of prepping do it. Don’t forget toys, drawing pads, books for the kids. Make lots of friends, I mean LOTS. Have pot luck once a month and invite someone out of your circle of friends. Young or old. You can and will do this and more because whether or not you know it you are smarter than you think, resourceful, engaging, and helpful. We will get through this. Anyone need a coffee?
I read the NYT email digest daily, skip over the bits I can’t face, and pick just one or two articles to read to stay informed. Being in silence, savoring a great cup of tea, listening to the birds at daybreak and sunset, tending to plants for 5 minutes, and participating in the joy of a random dog greeting me on the street, all on the regular, go a long way towards restoring my spirit. Giving myself a huge pass on doing less and becoming less of a type A human has helped.
Rescuing food these last 4 1/2 years for our NYC community fridge has probably been the one thing that has made me feel most hopeful about the power of individuals to work outside the system to bring meaningful change. And it has connected me to so many of my elder and migrant neighbors I wouldn’t have known otherwise. Not a day goes by when I don’t interact with them and receive their gratitude and blessings, hugs and smiles.
Sure - In NYC we have a large network of community refrigerators that supply 24 hour access to free food to anyone who needs it. While anyone is welcome to donate food, each fridge is tended to by a small group of volunteers who “rescue” food for that fridge so that our community can count on it being stocked on most days. The methods of securing food vary, and it’s generally up to the volunteers to create the relationships with the donors in addition to picking it up. Over the past 4 years I’ve picked up at the end of the day from bakeries to bring leftover pastries and breads, delivery services like DoorDash who have a myriad of groceries to give bc their locations have limited space, grocery stores who are culling produce or have items fast approaching their best by dates, from farm-to-table produce suppliers, and from film crews who have untouched catering trays. We also secure donations from restaurants and others, but that wouldn’t be considered a rescue, as the rescue implies that the food would have been dumped if it wasn’t picked up by the end of the day. There are now community fridges (and freezers and pantry shelving) all over the world, and they are usually excited to have help. Sometimes the rescue means walking to your local bakery for a small bag of items, and other times it could driving to a warehouse to break down pallets of overstocked shelf stable food.
Erica, thank you for your work in this area and educating others on the topic. May I ask which Community Fridge you volunteer for? I've volunteered for Groundcycle and the Vinegar Hill Community Garden (and Pantry) in the past, but would love to find a way to be more consistently involved. Not sure if there's a way to message each other directly on this platform, but I'd love to continue the conversation if possible!
Ooh, I was curious about that movie! Glad to hear it was good! I've started crawling into bed and watching movies on some Saturday afternoons, and I recently watched Austenland, which was SO silly but also pretty wonderful.
DBT! I wrote about this recently - the world can be a flaming pile of shit AND you can have lots of love and and joy in your life. This has been especially helpful for me recently as my family has been going through some extra challenging health stuff in addition to what's going on in our country. I try to practice this through mindful morning/evenings walks, getting out in nature/my favorite local spots, trying to be as present as possible with my 16 month old when I'm not working.
We first need to confront the reality that America has entered a fascist period and is not a full democracy. We each have beautiful gifts and we need to apply those to civic engagement. The same way we make space and time for exercise and eating healthy, activism must become a part of our daily routine. American individualism has taught us especially women that we must be the sole savior. Instead we must work in community with others and remember our actions are a part of a greater collective. Pick an area to focus on and remain steadfast. Have consistent conversations with others about politics and build relationships around activism. Remaining in a state of overwhelm and retreating is not helpful.
A thing that is helping me right now is to remind myself to stay in my lane. I cannot respond to/donate to/focus on/try to fix ALL of the things happening right now... I just can't. But I can focus on making a difference in the area where I have the most expertise and figure out how to fight the bullshit in that area.
Also, reading lots of easy reads and going to the pool and reminding myself that people have always found ways to find small joys in the worst moments of history, so I don't have to feel guilty for having some good days too.
This. You're not supposed to be able to do it all!
This is great, Wendy! I love this perspective!
I'm coping with a few 'not my goal but can't control' activities: uh, buying myself fall clothing in hopes that I can look a little 'cooler' as I middle-age; hunting for vintage thingianas on Marketplace; being inert on my couch. I say I can't control these things because they feel like 'must do' things - for coping. None of them align with my goals per se. None of them have budget, time or money, allotted. My more positive coping strategies: like someone already said, staying in my lane. Trying to add help (money, mindset, mentoring) locally and when asked to be communally engaged. Trying to meet one daily goal, that I can control, and it's phrased like this (apologies for profanity), "was I an asshole to anyone today?" The answer always needs to be no. Then I've coped with 'out there' in a manner that feels better to me. My final coping strategy: I am hoping, in a few weeks, to reach out to people who see the world differently than I do. I feel like I need to learn more and understand more about where other people's points of view land, develop, generate.
Haha, not going to lie, I crawled back in bed this afternoon and I'm working from there. Being inert can be wonderful sometimes!
I am retired so my perspective is different. I live in Texas, yes where the flooding was, no major damage for hubby and I, just a bit of overflow. We each took turns bailing the water. We are safe, but there is a solemness, a loss of joy, and stoicism in our bones for others. It is a July fourth that will not be forgotten. One thing that truly amazes me is the fundraising, cookouts and just donations that people do here. There are also repercussions from the storm, a boiling water for some areas, so much garbage from torn apart houses and RVs. It blows your mind. They have suspended the search for bodies, too much dirt, garbage, and fill, to find people.
Not a lot of people have insurance so fundraisers, and whatever can be done to help is being done. On another hand I have insurance and pay a lot for it. I realize that I worked my whole life for insurance premiums. That is a kick in the pants. I am also the grocery shopper, meal maker, and laundress. Some things never stop!
I am keeping track of the amount of layoffs, how I can support them, give them words of encouragement and occasionally a cup of coffee. I am fed up with the news as it is reported. The economy is bad, you are experiencing this first hand but you have to really look at other indicators and sources to know how bad it is. I am going to say this now, not everything you do can be turned into a revenue stream. Accept that. Not everyone can garden and make enough food to carry them through a year. When gardening you get glimpses into what farming is like, praise every farmer you meet. Seriously. You might have to entertain moving to a lower cost area whether you are retiring or not. If you can do a little bit of prepping do it. Don’t forget toys, drawing pads, books for the kids. Make lots of friends, I mean LOTS. Have pot luck once a month and invite someone out of your circle of friends. Young or old. You can and will do this and more because whether or not you know it you are smarter than you think, resourceful, engaging, and helpful. We will get through this. Anyone need a coffee?
So sorry you've been dealing with the floods so close to home. It's just heartbreaking.
I read the NYT email digest daily, skip over the bits I can’t face, and pick just one or two articles to read to stay informed. Being in silence, savoring a great cup of tea, listening to the birds at daybreak and sunset, tending to plants for 5 minutes, and participating in the joy of a random dog greeting me on the street, all on the regular, go a long way towards restoring my spirit. Giving myself a huge pass on doing less and becoming less of a type A human has helped.
Rescuing food these last 4 1/2 years for our NYC community fridge has probably been the one thing that has made me feel most hopeful about the power of individuals to work outside the system to bring meaningful change. And it has connected me to so many of my elder and migrant neighbors I wouldn’t have known otherwise. Not a day goes by when I don’t interact with them and receive their gratitude and blessings, hugs and smiles.
Would you please explain rescuing food?
Sure - In NYC we have a large network of community refrigerators that supply 24 hour access to free food to anyone who needs it. While anyone is welcome to donate food, each fridge is tended to by a small group of volunteers who “rescue” food for that fridge so that our community can count on it being stocked on most days. The methods of securing food vary, and it’s generally up to the volunteers to create the relationships with the donors in addition to picking it up. Over the past 4 years I’ve picked up at the end of the day from bakeries to bring leftover pastries and breads, delivery services like DoorDash who have a myriad of groceries to give bc their locations have limited space, grocery stores who are culling produce or have items fast approaching their best by dates, from farm-to-table produce suppliers, and from film crews who have untouched catering trays. We also secure donations from restaurants and others, but that wouldn’t be considered a rescue, as the rescue implies that the food would have been dumped if it wasn’t picked up by the end of the day. There are now community fridges (and freezers and pantry shelving) all over the world, and they are usually excited to have help. Sometimes the rescue means walking to your local bakery for a small bag of items, and other times it could driving to a warehouse to break down pallets of overstocked shelf stable food.
Erica, thank you for your work in this area and educating others on the topic. May I ask which Community Fridge you volunteer for? I've volunteered for Groundcycle and the Vinegar Hill Community Garden (and Pantry) in the past, but would love to find a way to be more consistently involved. Not sure if there's a way to message each other directly on this platform, but I'd love to continue the conversation if possible!
Hi Alix, I think we can DM here, will try to reach you that way.
Oh - and my “cope” right now is investing/saving every dollar I can. Gives me a sense of security and lessens my anxiety.
Yes, being careful with your money can feel really powerful during uncomfortable times!
And I love that you're doing all that work with rescuing food. What an amazing project!
Rom-coms all the way, though good ones are hard to find. I recently enjoyed, "Jane Austen Wrecked My Life," available on streaming. If you are into reviews, here is a gift link to the NYT review: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/22/movies/jane-austen-wrecked-my-life-review.html?unlocked_article_code=1.W08.R0Gt.QbqTwzFF129f&smid=nytcore-android-share
Ooh, I was curious about that movie! Glad to hear it was good! I've started crawling into bed and watching movies on some Saturday afternoons, and I recently watched Austenland, which was SO silly but also pretty wonderful.
DBT! I wrote about this recently - the world can be a flaming pile of shit AND you can have lots of love and and joy in your life. This has been especially helpful for me recently as my family has been going through some extra challenging health stuff in addition to what's going on in our country. I try to practice this through mindful morning/evenings walks, getting out in nature/my favorite local spots, trying to be as present as possible with my 16 month old when I'm not working.
Singular focus activities is such a good way to cope: I'm going to remember that when I find myself floundering.
We first need to confront the reality that America has entered a fascist period and is not a full democracy. We each have beautiful gifts and we need to apply those to civic engagement. The same way we make space and time for exercise and eating healthy, activism must become a part of our daily routine. American individualism has taught us especially women that we must be the sole savior. Instead we must work in community with others and remember our actions are a part of a greater collective. Pick an area to focus on and remain steadfast. Have consistent conversations with others about politics and build relationships around activism. Remaining in a state of overwhelm and retreating is not helpful.