Home Economics No. 20: Breadwinning Mother of 2 Earning $300k in the Bay Area

And some resources for donating to support victims of the L.A. wildfires

It feels impossible to write this newsletter without talking about the wildfires that are decimating whole neighborhoods in Los Angeles. I have many friends, acquaintances, and former Refinery29 colleagues who live in L.A, and I have spent so much time over the last week on Instagram watching their stories in horror, sending DMs to check in, and offering to help however I can. Like many non-Californians, I feel completely helpless and totally heartbroken. When you’re 3,000 miles away, how can you really help?

Of course, there are countless ways to pitch in, and there are so many amazing people working hard to highlight these causes.

Rachel Davies

, who writes the newsletter

Personal Space

, put together a massive roundup of GoFundMe campaigns to help families who have lost everything. And the two largest African American law firms in California have set up a GoFundMe campaign specifically to help underserved Black communities impacted by the Eaton fire. You can donate to the California ASPCA, the Mutual Aid L.A. Network, and the Los Angeles-based Anti-Recidivism Coalition, which is raising money to support the incarcerated firefighters who are battling the blaze. Erika and I want to help, too, and so The Purse is donating $200 to Baby2Baby, an L.A. nonprofit supporting families with emergency supplies like diapers and formula.

In these moments of tragedy, I’m always in awe of how people rally to support their friends and neighbors, as well as complete strangers. I want to believe that our instinct is to help. But it can also be exhausting living in a wealthy society with so few safety nets in a time that seems to be plagued by one (climate-related) natural disaster after another. In the last six months, we have stood by and watched two epic hurricanes destroy communities in Florida and North Carolina, and now we are bearing witness to wildfires raging in Southern California. It’s hard not to feel deep despair for the state of our planet.

I also keep thinking about a headline I read somewhere about the importance of building community with your neighbors before you face a natural disaster. The sad truth is that while Angelenos are facing a highly publicized crisis, there are thousands of other Americans across the U.S. who are in need. “Local activism" was on the “In” column of my 2025 “In/Out List.” I may feel helpless watching the fires rage in California, but there are acts of service I could be performing in my own community, right now, today, that would make a big difference. Making sandwiches for the local homeless shelter, donating kids’ clothing to Little Essentials, or dropping off books at Brooklyn Book Bodega.

Instead of doomscrolling, we’d all be better off putting down our phones and engaging more with our communities. Let’s not wait until a disaster comes to our front doors to care for one another.

Now on a completely different note, I’m excited for today’s Home Economics—the 20th edition. It’s hard to believe it’s nearly been a year since I published the first one! Interviewing women for this series is truly one of the highlights of my job, and I love getting to share their stories.

I’m also actively looking for new Home Economics entries. You can fill out the form here.

One note about today’s entry: It was originally submitted in spring 2024. The writer and I decided that she would not update the entry to reflect her current circumstances, so you’ll see some references to dates that might seem off. We’ve provided a bit of an update at the end of the piece! Worth a read to the end, IMO!

Age: 38
Location: San Francisco
Relationship status: Married
Age of partner: 39

About me: I live in the Bay Area, and I am the breadwinning mom of two little kids. I’ve been doing everything “right” financially, and yet I still feel like my husband and I are barely getting by. Earlier this month, I started a new, higher paying full-time job after years of consulting, and my money anxiety is slowly dissipating.

Income:

1. Your job title/salary: Head of corporate development, base pay $300,000 and annual bonus $300,000 (all cash)

2. Partner’s job title/salary: Manager, $80,000

3. Your monthly take-home pay (paycheck amount after taxes and other deductions): $12,600

4. Partner’s monthly take-home pay (paycheck amount after taxes and other deductions): $4,000

5. Freelance income: I’m still making $12,000 a month as a consultant, but that ends this month (April).

6. Total monthly income: ~$16,600

Account balances:

7. Checking account balance: $17,663.86

8. Savings account balance: N/A

9. High-yield savings account balance: $74,216.73

10. Monthly contribution to savings account: I rarely contribute to our savings account. We sold a house a few years ago, and the savings balance came from the proceeds of that sale.

11. Retirement account(s) balance:

    • 401(k): $601,284.36 (This is just my retirement savings; after we met, my husband immigrated to the U.S., and he hasn’t established retirement savings yet.)

    • SEP IRA: $1,570.87

12. Monthly contribution to retirement accounts: I make an annual contribution to the SEP of about $1,200. My new employer also offers a 401(k) that I will qualify for after I work there a month. I plan to contribute 8% to meet the company’s 4% match.

13. Investment account balance: $214,744.45

14. Monthly contribution to investment accounts: I don’t add additional money to this account; this is the other portion of the proceeds from our home sale.

15. 529 account balance: $200 ($100 for each kid)

16. Monthly contribution to 529 account: None, but once we’re done paying so much for childcare, I plan to make this a priority.

17. Emergency fund balance: None. I consider our high-yield savings to be our emergency fund.

Total in checking, savings, and investment accounts: $909,680.27

Housing:

18. Size of your home: We rent two homes on the same lot: an 1,800-square-foot three-bedroom, two-bath house and a two-bedroom, one-bath accessory dwelling unit (ADU). My parents live in the ADU part-time (they have another home they are in the process of selling) and pay their share of rent.

19. Rent: $7,200 total; we pay $4,200, and my parents pay $3,000

20. Renters’ insurance: $18

21. Electricity: Averages out to ~$100

22. Water: $100

23. Cell phone: $299 a month for four phones (me, my husband, and my parents). I’ve been paying for my parents’ cell phones since I was 19 (I had a job that offered me a big discount on cell phone plans, and we’ve never changed it). They do not pay me back.

24. Internet: $70

25. Housekeeper: None

26. Gardener: None

Transportation:

27. Monthly car payment: None. We share one car, and it’s paid off.

28. Car insurance payment: $721 every six months

29. Gas: $300

30. Car maintenance: It’s rare that we have car maintenance, as we have an electric plug-in hybrid. But we don’t plug it in, hence the higher gas bill.

31. Parking: None

32. Monthly public transportation: ~$500. I rent a Zipcar twice a week to commute to the office.

33. Ride shares (Uber, taxi, etc.): We rarely use ride shares.

Children:

34. Number of children and their ages: We have a two-year-old and a four-year-old.

35. Preschool: Our four-year-old is in public preschool two days a week, which costs us $52/week. We decided not to put him in preschool full-time because he’s in speech therapy several times a week.

36. Nanny: We spend between $4,000 and $5,000 a month for our nanny. We’re part of a nanny share, but I’m the one who manages the share, and she works more for us than for the other family. It averages out to $1,200 for a 40-hour week, but sometimes we spend more if she works a longer day, and sometimes it’s less if the other family uses her more.

    It’s a lot of money, but she does a lot for us, watching both kids and driving our oldest to and from his therapy appointments. I’ve done some research to see if there are more affordable options (like daycare), but there’s nothing that makes sense for our family right now, and I think the expense is worth it because we love our nanny.

37. Babysitter: We never go out, so we never use a babysitter.

38. Extracurricular activities: We have not paid for any extra activities because I feel like my kids are young enough that they’re not missing out on anything.

Debts:

39. Student loan total balance: I didn’t have student loans. When I graduated from high school, my parents gave me $20,000 for college. I went to a state school and started working full-time for a company that offered tuition reimbursement. I was able to take the money from my parents and put it into index funds and use it for a portion of my down payment later.

40. Credit card balance (if you carry a balance month to month): We pay off our credit cards every month.

Food:

41. Groceries: ~$700. I love Grocery Outlet, and so we use that for most of our shopping, and we get a lot of deals there. The brands vary all the time, so when I see something we like, I’ll stock up. For example, I love Life cereal, so when Grocery Outlet has it for $1.99 a box, I’ll buy five or six boxes. We also shop at Costco for things like whole milk, eggs, corn tortillas, Aussie Bites, liquid dishwasher soap, Cheerios, etc.

42. Dining out: $200. We don’t go out to eat much because our kids are so young, so this mostly covers coffees, etc.

Socializing and Entertainment:

43. Subscriptions (streaming services, magazines, etc.): $15.49 for Netflix, $8.99 for Disney+

44. Memberships (museums, etc.): I spend about $2,000 per year on professional development expenses, like networking groups, etc., which I consider a business write-off. I think it’s a valuable use of money. For one, networking groups brought in many opportunities when I was consulting. But it’s also helped me maintain my identity during motherhood. It’s not easy to still feel ambitious and career-focused when you’re a new mom. I find that being part of these groups is really motivating. I’m part of a high-achieving moms group, and they’ve been so amazing. They’ve helped me stay focused and encouraged me to apply for the job I have now. This is some of the best money I’ve spent.

45. Travel: We mostly travel to visit family. In February, we spent around $2,250 for a trip to San Diego with my husband’s family. We used points for the flights. Our portion of the Airbnb and food for the week was $1,600, and we took the kids to Legoland (tickets were $273). We probably spent another few hundred dollars for miscellaneous expenses like snacks at Legoland, airport parking, etc.

    Later this spring, we’re traveling to my niece’s graduation, and the trip will cost about $1,200 for our family of four with an Airbnb, food, etc. We’re also considering a move to Reno, so we’re taking a trip to look for places to live. I imagine that trip will also cost around $1,200.
    With this new job, I get to do some international travel for work, and I love it. It definitely helps me scratch the travel itch without having to foot the bill.

Miscellaneous:

46. Clothing: We spend less than $100 a month. I try to get all our clothes from either Costco or Buy Nothing groups. I like to say that my dedication to Buy Nothing is subsidizing the cost of living in the Bay Area.

47. Home supplies: $250 on various things like paper towels, etc., from Target and Costco

48. Exercise: $12.99 for Peloton subscription

49. Personal and self-care (haircuts, manicures, massages, etc.):

    • $230 for a haircut and color, twice a year

    • $20 for my husband’s haircut, four times a year

50. Donations: $500 month

51. Events (birthday parties, etc.): I try hard to keep birthday costs low—we usually spend about $50 a party. We either host the party at our house or the local park, and I get most of the supplies from Buy Nothing or Temu. Of course, it’s a big time investment having birthday parties like this.

Insurance:

52. Life insurance: N/A

53. Health insurance: ~$220 per paycheck; my husband’s job provides our family with the insurance.

54. FSA contribution: Now that I have a new job, I signed up to set aside $3,500 a year for medical expenses.

Total monthly spending (includes annual expenses divided by 12): $12,901.97

Tell us more:

55. What are your top financial priorities?
    I want to make ends meet without dipping into savings or carrying a credit card balance—and that’s not easy to do in the Bay Area. We are spending the majority of our income on housing and childcare, but I don’t really see any other way. We have cut back on every other area of our lives to make it all work.
    I try to think of the cost of raising children as sort of like a barbell. It’s most expensive at the start (for a nanny or daycare) and then at the end (for college), but in the middle, expenses are more reasonable.

    We adore our nanny. When you crunch the numbers, my husband doesn’t make much more than her, but our nanny is a true childcare professional, and I feel really safe and secure having her care for our kids. It’s not a knock at my husband and his care capabilities, but when she started working for us, we had a three-month-old and a two-year-old. It’s really hard to take care of kids that small all day.
    From time to time, I revisit our childcare expenses to see if daycare makes more sense, but right now it just doesn’t for us.
    

56. How do you feel about your current financial situation?
    I wish I felt better. I have an MBA, and I make six figures, but it is so expensive living in the Bay Area, and it’s hard to feel like I’m ever earning enough. In reality, we get almost all of our clothes secondhand, or on clearance, or from Temu; we share a car; we’re overdue at the dentist, etc. I feel like the last several years, we have just been treading water and not making any real progress. When I get my first bonus from my new job (slated for April 2025), I think I will be able to breathe more easily.

57. What are your money stressors?
    I worry a lot about having to find new housing. When we sold our last place, we made a lot during a hot market, but it also wasn’t enough to buy something bigger to fit our growing family (and my parents, who lived with us during Covid). We pay market rent on our apartment, but renting always feels unstable and like it’s not really our place. Rent could go up, or the landlord could sell the buildings, and we have no control over it.
    I also worry about getting fired and needing to scramble to find new income sources. After years working as a consultant, I know I need to bring in at least $10,000 a month, or we’ll have to dip into savings. I don’t want to do that because that money is earmarked for a new house. I have a niche set of business skills, and I feel incredibly lucky that I found this full-time job with medical insurance. Before, it felt like we were just one slip away from being in a tough situation. But it’s hard to relax and feel completely secure.

58. Do you expect to receive (or have you received) an inheritance from a family member?
    My parents have been open about their finances and plans. They have somewhere around $2 million in assets that my two sisters and I will inherit. They are both in good health, and I hope I never see this money.

59. Do you receive any financial support from your family? No, not currently.

60. Do you financially support any family members beyond yourself and your nuclear family?
    No—except for paying their cellphone bill! We do have a somewhat shared household with my parents, and we’re pretty informal about groceries, etc. If we go shopping together, sometimes my mom will pay, sometimes I will, and sometimes she’ll randomly Zelle me some cash to cover her portion.

61. How do you and your partner split your finances? How did you decide to go that route?
    We see everything as shared. We have a joint checking, and everything flows into (and out of) it. When we first met, we were in similar financial situations. But then he immigrated to the U.S. so we could be together, and unfortunately his career didn’t translate over here. We decided I would be the main breadwinner. After he moved here, I had to help him get established financially here, setting up a bank account, etc. It was hard after we first got married and he couldn’t work while waiting for his green card, but now that we’re through that process, we feel pretty good about things.

62. What is one financial goal(s) you still want to achieve?
    I want to save for my kids to go to college. It’s hard to make this a priority right now while we’re spending so much on a nanny.
    

63. Tell us about one financial accomplishment you’re proud of.
    I bought my house “by myself” as a single 29-year-old. I put “by myself” in quotes, because I benefited in so many ways from having a lot of privilege. I had the money I saved from my parents, and I was able to borrow from my 401(k) for the down payment. The money we made from selling the house is now our savings and investment cushion, and we plan to buy another home one day once interest rates are more reasonable.

64. What do you regret spending your money on the most?
    I’m pretty thoughtful and frugal, but I’ve bought some gimmicky shit from the internet that I’ve regretted. I once bought an auto mop (like a Roomba) that didn’t work well. I still regret the $199 I spent!

65. What is one thing you spend money on that makes your life better?
    My nanny!!! Childcare is so essential!!!!!!!!!

66. What is one thing you spend money on that drives you crazy?
    I hate having a car payment, which is why we share one car, which is paid off

67. Is there anything else you would like to add?
    I wrote this almost a year ago, and so many things have changed. We moved with my parents to Reno, and we bought a house together. Both my kids are now in daycare/preschool full-time, and we’re no longer paying for a full-time nanny. And my husband left his job and is now a stay-at-home dad.

    I was nervous to leave the Bay Area because I loved being in the city, but Reno really has a lot to offer, including an international airport. I travel back to San Francisco about once a month for my job.

    The biggest change is that I’m finally feeling financially secure, and it’s a huge relief. This weekend, I took my kids to the farmers’ market, and I bought them a couple of books. It wasn’t much money, but this time last year, I would have fretted over spending it. Now, I didn’t even think twice about it, and that feels like a real luxury. I feel very lucky looking back to see how far we’ve come in a year.

Please comment with kindness!

Random Extras

• Don’t forget to take our survey for a chance to win our pretty sweet January sweepstakes! You can see the full goody bag here! And fill out the survey here! I’ve loved reading the responses! ❤️

• So…we’re still planning to host a casual coffee hangout next Wednesday, January 22, but we’re struggling a bit to find a location. (It’s been a week, friends, including illnesses, childcare troubles, traveling spouses, new freelance projects, blah blah blah.) We’re pretty sure we’ll be meeting up in the Gowanus/Carroll Gardens area of Brooklyn around 8:30 a.m., so if you’re interested in joining, drop your email address here in this form, and we’ll follow up with you this week!

• Congrats to my friend Neha Ruch on the launch of her new book The Power Pause. It’s so exciting to see it out in the world after so much hard work!! And if you’re in the D.C. area, catch her in conversation with the lovely

  Rebecca Gale
  at Wonderland Books on Wednesday, January 15. (There are also many other Power Pause events across the U.S.!)

• And last but not least, I answered Keris’s money questionnaire in the

  The Ladybird Purse • Opening up about money
  , and as usual, I was maybe a little too honest.