Home Economics No. 9: A 30-year-old living in Jersey City on $105k with $26k in credit card debt
The finances of a "yes" friend are complicated.
Welcome to The Purse, a newsletter about money and women and motherhood and careers and all that good stuff!
This week,
wrote about a piece by on the rise of the edfluencer (that’s editor + influencer, for those who might not be familiar with the concept)1. Overall, I thought Jess’s piece was interesting (though I’ve had a lively debate on Notes about it, and I appreciate differing POVs), but one section in particular stood out to me. Jess wrote:“May I add, before you question why a woman can afford something, ask yourself if you’d say the same thing about a man? There’s a silent but present misogynistic undertone to some of the tweets and notes I read because they’re operating from a place of assumption, one that women simply cannot afford these things unless someone (a husband, a rich parent) is buying it for them, someone (a brand) is gifting it to them, or they are otherwise being incentivized to share it.”
I couldn’t agree more.
I realized this week it’s been 10 years since I published my first money-related article, about how Ken and I saved $100,000 to buy our first apartment in New York City. I had no idea then that it would lead me down this path where I would build a whole career around writing and talking about women and money—though I’m very happy it did.
This week also marks five years since that Money Diary went viral—or as I like to refer to it as, “The day men discovered Money Diaries.” (IYKYK, but also you can read this article I wrote about it way back then.)
Over the past decade, I’ve seen everyone have all kinds of opinions on how women earn, spend, save, and invest their money, and honestly, you can’t fucking win. If you earn too much, you’re not relatable and you’re overprivileged—or they think your success is somehow connected to your dad or husband. If you have too much debt, you’re irresponsible or a “typical millennial” (whatever that means). If you focus on saving over spending, you’re cheap. And on and on and on.
I’ll be honest. I don’t spend a lot of time in the comment sections of male influencers. I’m not sure if people get mad at Mr. Beast for the way he spends his money. If they do, can someone share with me? I would love to hear more about people shaming men for their financial situations the way they like to shame women. And if you can’t surface them, well, I think I’ve made my point—though I’m more than happy to be wrong on this topic! (Also, I have a lot more thoughts to explore and plan to write more, so stay tuned!)
This is all a good setup for today’s paid edition of Home Economics, which features a young woman with a six-figure job and a lot of credit card debt. I’m sure many of you will have strong feelings about it. As I always ask, please be kind in the comments.
Age: 30
Location: Jersey City, N.J.
Relationship status: Long-term, long-distance relationship
Age of partner: 34
About me: I am a 30-year-old HR manager living in New Jersey and working for a large firm in New York City. I have lived in New Jersey all my life except for a few years when I lived overseas. During my time abroad, I met my boyfriend, and we’ve been in a long-term relationship since before the pandemic—we’re hoping he can move to NYC in the next year or so. My life has always been bigger than my job, and I am immensely grateful for the community of family and friends I have around me and the things I am able to do living here in NYC.
My relationship with money is very emotional and possibly…toxic?