I really enjoyed this diary and the writer sounds lovely! I am probably projecting, but I thought it was very interesting that the writer doesn't seem to have much stress over the fact that her partner is not contributing any (or hardly any) income to their partnership. Given that one of the biggest stressors in any serious relationship is money, I wonder if they can give us all some advice!
Does anyone else feel like this column is financial therapy? For us, the readers, as well as for the person we're reading about? I love seeing the openness to understanding ourselves better through our relationship with money. This "childless cat lady" in particular let us see her vulnerability in ways that help me look at myself. Well done.
Totally - it also reminded me how we all, instinctively and even though we know it’s not true, think we’re the only ones who buy too many things / under invest / sometimes make poor financial choices etc and carry shame because of it. Huge huge credit to this person for being so open with their story, which has so many positive features that she should give herself credit for. Thanks for sharing! X
Comparison is the thief of joy! When I read this story, I saw someone who has saved up over $700K in retirement savings, almost owns their house, has no major debts outside of the credit card loan, and was able to do all of this despite humble beginnings. Respect!
I don't have ADHD, but I have felt a lot of anxiety over money this past year because I'm saving up for a wedding and paid off my student loans. I've started to use Ally "buckets" to manage my "shopping money". Every month, after I pay my bills, I send the remaining amount to my Ally savings account, which has "buckets" set aside for different categories (wedding, shopping, emergency fund). The money automatically gets allocated according to percentages I've set up and then whatever is in the "shopping" bucket I consider as my budget to spend freely on fun things. Staying strict with this bucket has helped me a ton with money anxiety - I don't mind if I spend it on silly impulse purchases because I know I've set aside the money for that! However, what I've found is that having a budget for that category makes me more mindful with my fun purchases. Just wanted to share, in case helpful to the author or to anyone else reading!
The retirement savings made me feel envious, too, but I have kids I know I can depend on someday, and I think people who don't have kids probably do need to have more put by. It's just prudent. (Not all kids are going to be willing/able to help you, of course.) Already, my son is always willing to pop over and take care of the dogs if we are away from home for more than a couple of hours, and is willing to help lift heavy stuff etc. If I had to pay for all those little things, it would add up. Please note I am NOT saying people should have kids for this reason! You should have kids because you want them deeply and believe you would be a good parent. I suspect crypto is a better investment than raising kids, dollar-wise. :)
Me too. I'm addicted to online courses and must stop. It's ridiculous how much I'm spending. At the end of the day the course creators are making a killing!
Loved reading this one (fellow childless cat lady here!)
I’m surprised the contributor said she feels she’s lagging behind on retirement savings—it seems like she’s ahead by numbers and any common metrics, especially considering she owns her home! I think she’s doing great there
I’m also an upstate NY university employee with ADHD and no kids. I very much relate to this budget, including the very specific charge for the one good gym in town (and not going to it often enough)
This is like looking in a mirror! I am also guilty of overspending and have the credit card debt to prove it. Sometimes it's clothes; sometimes it's books; sometimes it's just way too much stuff for my baby. I have even told myself it's OK to spend more on groceries because fooooood is goooooood. And I am in the same boat with the anxiety of having way more than I need and constantly telling myself next month will be better. Good for you on getting your debt under control. Hopefully I can say the same soon!
Interesting read, and thanks to the author for being so open. I completely relate to some of the pros and cons of growing up poor - it gave me a very healthy perspective on money, while at the same time deprived me of a certain level of financial savvy that could have saved me from having to learn certain lessons the hard way.
It makes you think how much real financial education could benefit kids (and I'm not talking about a lot of the crap out there). Whenever I meet the adult children of accountants and financial advisors, they always seem to have the best-funded account retirement accounts.
I don't have ADHD but can absolutely relate to dopamine spending. Being aware of it is so helpful and an important first step! This year, I'm tracking my clothing purchases in a spreadsheet and it's made me a much more mindful purchaser -- not even by trying to restrict my spending but just the mere fact of tracking (borrowing from the concept behind "food logs" for people trying to be more mindful eaters). Also, just wanted to say I LOVED seeing the Sponsored by Ellevest part of your newsletter! Congrats!
And the clothing spreadsheet is a great idea. I did something years ago to track outfits I wore to work, so I could challenge myself to wear more in my wardrobe and then get rid of the stuff I never wore.
Yes, I have been doing this too on my Indyx app (which I just saw Emily Oster recommended in her newsletter today!). Feeling excited for my former colleague who founded the app and also admittedly a tiny bit smug that I recommended it first. 😝
I think the contributor is doing very well with retirement savings and a savings account, as well as paying off student loans. Kudos from me. I would probably pay off the personal loan, and then do what I could to pay down the mortgage early (unless there was a financial penalty for doing so). I was a bit concerned about the partner’s lack of earning money…it is a burden to be the sole breadwinner. (I speak from past experience!)
Absolutely loved reading this! Thank you Lindsey for sharing and a bug thank you to the author for being so open! As a person who also struggles with attention and spending money thoughtfully I really valued hearing someone else’s story! Lately I’ve realized how I’m either super guilty or super removed from my purchases and hope to “enjoy” (lol still don’t know what to call it) spending my money in the future.
I was struck by the property taxes she pays. I grew up in upstate New York and sort of knew generally that my parents had high property taxes but also that they helped fund our schools which were excellent. I’ve now lived most of my adult life in Arizona which is typically ranked in the bottom 5 for K-12 public education and also has very low property taxes. But I’ve never really known how exact numbers compare! Just some places are “high” and some are “low.” I can now see that this person pays over 3 times what I do. We pay about $3000 per year for a 2500 sq ft house on a 0.4 acre lot. And that’s a big difference! Anyway, it’s helpful to know these things - really appreciate this ongoing series.
The part about growing up pour really resonates with me. I used to buy things sometimes out of not being able too when I was younger. Grateful, having a son now has really forced me to be more intentional. I wonder how parents who grew up like this navigate. Do they spoil their children? Or use poverty as a way to teach them to appreciate what they have now.
I think it’s why I never pass on dessert, becuz it was such a rarity as a child. That and eating in restaurants. (In my youth, the whole family getting McDonalds was a TREAT.)
I think this is the reason why I always finish all my food when I go out as well. It’s also why I think I’m conditioned to always look at prices before I even eat - sometimes I get something more pricey just beucuse I knew it’s something I wouldn’t have been able to get when I was younger.
As to your question re: children. My ex and I both grew up poor and I can see that he has had a tendency to spoil, whereas I have done the opposite (likely in fear of going into debt where he is more ‘free’ with his $).
This is my favourite entry in quite some time - a big thank you to the writer for being so open and vulnerable with a sprinkling of humour thrown in too!
My car is at the shop, having something called the "lower control arms" fixed for $1,716 -- which seems very high and probably exceeds the worth of the car. But at least now I will be able to drive it safely. I think the rest will go into the anemic 401(k), plus I'm making an extra house payment on the other house, which is for me the better part of my so-called retirement plan. It feels really good to have a little money beyond what is strictly needed for mortgage, gas, groceries and utilities!
Thanks for sharing. I relate to so much of this especially the streaming (I just ignore but need to review and cancel some!!). Had gym membership that was never used. I will offer one suggestion - am sure your library has all the magazines online that you could want! I do audiobooks, kindle books and magazines through my library on my ipad and it saved me a bunch. And I can go find something 'new' whenever I want.
I really enjoyed this diary and the writer sounds lovely! I am probably projecting, but I thought it was very interesting that the writer doesn't seem to have much stress over the fact that her partner is not contributing any (or hardly any) income to their partnership. Given that one of the biggest stressors in any serious relationship is money, I wonder if they can give us all some advice!
Same!
Does anyone else feel like this column is financial therapy? For us, the readers, as well as for the person we're reading about? I love seeing the openness to understanding ourselves better through our relationship with money. This "childless cat lady" in particular let us see her vulnerability in ways that help me look at myself. Well done.
Thanks, Joy! I do think it's a bit therapeutic for everyone!
Totally - it also reminded me how we all, instinctively and even though we know it’s not true, think we’re the only ones who buy too many things / under invest / sometimes make poor financial choices etc and carry shame because of it. Huge huge credit to this person for being so open with their story, which has so many positive features that she should give herself credit for. Thanks for sharing! X
Thanks, Victoria! That's what I am to dispel in this series. And I'm so indebted to the women who choose to share!
Yes!!!!
Comparison is the thief of joy! When I read this story, I saw someone who has saved up over $700K in retirement savings, almost owns their house, has no major debts outside of the credit card loan, and was able to do all of this despite humble beginnings. Respect!
I don't have ADHD, but I have felt a lot of anxiety over money this past year because I'm saving up for a wedding and paid off my student loans. I've started to use Ally "buckets" to manage my "shopping money". Every month, after I pay my bills, I send the remaining amount to my Ally savings account, which has "buckets" set aside for different categories (wedding, shopping, emergency fund). The money automatically gets allocated according to percentages I've set up and then whatever is in the "shopping" bucket I consider as my budget to spend freely on fun things. Staying strict with this bucket has helped me a ton with money anxiety - I don't mind if I spend it on silly impulse purchases because I know I've set aside the money for that! However, what I've found is that having a budget for that category makes me more mindful with my fun purchases. Just wanted to share, in case helpful to the author or to anyone else reading!
The retirement savings made me feel envious, too, but I have kids I know I can depend on someday, and I think people who don't have kids probably do need to have more put by. It's just prudent. (Not all kids are going to be willing/able to help you, of course.) Already, my son is always willing to pop over and take care of the dogs if we are away from home for more than a couple of hours, and is willing to help lift heavy stuff etc. If I had to pay for all those little things, it would add up. Please note I am NOT saying people should have kids for this reason! You should have kids because you want them deeply and believe you would be a good parent. I suspect crypto is a better investment than raising kids, dollar-wise. :)
Such good advice!
Love this and really relate to the dopamine impulsivity. For me it's online courses.. soooo many exciting new things to learn (in my pjs, on my sofa)
Ooh interesting! I can understand that!
Me too. I'm addicted to online courses and must stop. It's ridiculous how much I'm spending. At the end of the day the course creators are making a killing!
Oh my gosh, same! 😂
Oh!! Me too! But then I forget about them/forget the password/forget the webinar date.
PayPal is my downfall. If I had to go find my credit card to enroll in a course or register for a talk, I’d save myself a lot of money.
Loved reading this one (fellow childless cat lady here!)
I’m surprised the contributor said she feels she’s lagging behind on retirement savings—it seems like she’s ahead by numbers and any common metrics, especially considering she owns her home! I think she’s doing great there
I’m also an upstate NY university employee with ADHD and no kids. I very much relate to this budget, including the very specific charge for the one good gym in town (and not going to it often enough)
This is like looking in a mirror! I am also guilty of overspending and have the credit card debt to prove it. Sometimes it's clothes; sometimes it's books; sometimes it's just way too much stuff for my baby. I have even told myself it's OK to spend more on groceries because fooooood is goooooood. And I am in the same boat with the anxiety of having way more than I need and constantly telling myself next month will be better. Good for you on getting your debt under control. Hopefully I can say the same soon!
Also working to pay off some CC debt. Solidarity!
Interesting read, and thanks to the author for being so open. I completely relate to some of the pros and cons of growing up poor - it gave me a very healthy perspective on money, while at the same time deprived me of a certain level of financial savvy that could have saved me from having to learn certain lessons the hard way.
It makes you think how much real financial education could benefit kids (and I'm not talking about a lot of the crap out there). Whenever I meet the adult children of accountants and financial advisors, they always seem to have the best-funded account retirement accounts.
I don't have ADHD but can absolutely relate to dopamine spending. Being aware of it is so helpful and an important first step! This year, I'm tracking my clothing purchases in a spreadsheet and it's made me a much more mindful purchaser -- not even by trying to restrict my spending but just the mere fact of tracking (borrowing from the concept behind "food logs" for people trying to be more mindful eaters). Also, just wanted to say I LOVED seeing the Sponsored by Ellevest part of your newsletter! Congrats!
Thanks, Abby!
And the clothing spreadsheet is a great idea. I did something years ago to track outfits I wore to work, so I could challenge myself to wear more in my wardrobe and then get rid of the stuff I never wore.
Yes, I have been doing this too on my Indyx app (which I just saw Emily Oster recommended in her newsletter today!). Feeling excited for my former colleague who founded the app and also admittedly a tiny bit smug that I recommended it first. 😝
I think the contributor is doing very well with retirement savings and a savings account, as well as paying off student loans. Kudos from me. I would probably pay off the personal loan, and then do what I could to pay down the mortgage early (unless there was a financial penalty for doing so). I was a bit concerned about the partner’s lack of earning money…it is a burden to be the sole breadwinner. (I speak from past experience!)
Absolutely loved reading this! Thank you Lindsey for sharing and a bug thank you to the author for being so open! As a person who also struggles with attention and spending money thoughtfully I really valued hearing someone else’s story! Lately I’ve realized how I’m either super guilty or super removed from my purchases and hope to “enjoy” (lol still don’t know what to call it) spending my money in the future.
I was struck by the property taxes she pays. I grew up in upstate New York and sort of knew generally that my parents had high property taxes but also that they helped fund our schools which were excellent. I’ve now lived most of my adult life in Arizona which is typically ranked in the bottom 5 for K-12 public education and also has very low property taxes. But I’ve never really known how exact numbers compare! Just some places are “high” and some are “low.” I can now see that this person pays over 3 times what I do. We pay about $3000 per year for a 2500 sq ft house on a 0.4 acre lot. And that’s a big difference! Anyway, it’s helpful to know these things - really appreciate this ongoing series.
Property taxes fascinate me. I love writing about them. And yes, you sort of need high property taxes to have good schools.
Michelle, you should have shared your most recent piece on the topic! https://substack.com/home/post/p-147415305?r=2zpdjp&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
I didn’t want to be pushy :)
Thanks for sharing! Can’t wait to read this!
The part about growing up pour really resonates with me. I used to buy things sometimes out of not being able too when I was younger. Grateful, having a son now has really forced me to be more intentional. I wonder how parents who grew up like this navigate. Do they spoil their children? Or use poverty as a way to teach them to appreciate what they have now.
That would make a great series, Marc!
Agreed! Or in my case a letter !
Can’t wait to read it!
I think it’s why I never pass on dessert, becuz it was such a rarity as a child. That and eating in restaurants. (In my youth, the whole family getting McDonalds was a TREAT.)
I think this is the reason why I always finish all my food when I go out as well. It’s also why I think I’m conditioned to always look at prices before I even eat - sometimes I get something more pricey just beucuse I knew it’s something I wouldn’t have been able to get when I was younger.
Oh yes - so many interesting...'downstream' effects or impacts of how we start our lives...those small kid lives which we control very little of....
As to your question re: children. My ex and I both grew up poor and I can see that he has had a tendency to spoil, whereas I have done the opposite (likely in fear of going into debt where he is more ‘free’ with his $).
I appreciate you for sharing that. I think it’s the same here at home- maybe it helps create balance?
This is my favourite entry in quite some time - a big thank you to the writer for being so open and vulnerable with a sprinkling of humour thrown in too!
Thanks, Kiri! It's always good to hear what resonates with readers!
As always, it's really interesting to read these. We are all so very different!
I am sitting here watching my seasonal pool fill up -- the pool and the new patio my husband just put in are the splurge part of the now-$16K viral Medium story: https://medium.com/minds-without-borders/we-could-learn-a-lot-about-sex-from-the-dutch-8864066b2d99
My car is at the shop, having something called the "lower control arms" fixed for $1,716 -- which seems very high and probably exceeds the worth of the car. But at least now I will be able to drive it safely. I think the rest will go into the anemic 401(k), plus I'm making an extra house payment on the other house, which is for me the better part of my so-called retirement plan. It feels really good to have a little money beyond what is strictly needed for mortgage, gas, groceries and utilities!
Thanks for sharing. I relate to so much of this especially the streaming (I just ignore but need to review and cancel some!!). Had gym membership that was never used. I will offer one suggestion - am sure your library has all the magazines online that you could want! I do audiobooks, kindle books and magazines through my library on my ipad and it saved me a bunch. And I can go find something 'new' whenever I want.
Love this tip!
Libraries frequently have partnership with an app for ebooks and audiobooks! I love love Libby, which is what mine uses!
I'm obsessed with the Libby app! Truly the best!