I read this while wearing a pair of leggings I found in a clearance cart at Kroger last year for $2. I wear them all the time! I just bought one pair bcz I was suspicious of them, but wish I’d bought them all. I’d be set for life.
But nobody is ever going to consider me fashionable. I now own ONE pair of jeans in my current size and I bought them at Old Navy for around $20 about two weeks ago. (I have jeans in multiple sizes because my weight shifts a lot; I needed a size 12 and the pair I bought the last time I was at this weight has a defective zipper.) You can only wear about 7 outfits a week. Add in some fancy options, some things for yard work or exercise, and account for seasonal changes. Consider that most pieces will last at least 10 years if you take care of them. Turns out you really only NEED to make a couple of purchases per year unless your weight changes or you switch jobs and need more (or less) professional attire.
I also have a black pure wool dress coat that I bought in the 1990s. It’s still perfect. It cost about $100 (purchased on clearance!) and I knew I’d never have to replace it. I don’t anticipate ever buying another.
If you love fashion but want to curb your consumption, I highly recommend Indyx! Changed my life, that’s not an understatement.
Also, I too feel a bit of ick at how many of the newsletters I follow are just link central. I’ve decided for now that if the primary focus of someone’s content is to keep selling me, then they probably aren’t for me. There are some incredible folks in the space though who are focused more on styling, secondhand shopping, and tools to be a better shopper.
Robyn do you use Indyx to create outfits? Or just track what you wear? So curious about how people are using it! Did you photograph your whole wardrobe?
Both outfit creation and tracking! I’ve been tracking my wardrobe for about a year before I started Indyx, but the feature set of Indyx is much richer and I do enjoy their styling services as well. I now have a 300+ outfit library (and of course many more possibilities beyond that) to reference which I tag with the season, formality level, and a rating of how I felt in it. When “I have nothing to wear”, Indyx shows me that is not the case with many outfits that have made me feel amazing. The benefit of the platform compounds over time.
To upload my wardrobe, it took a lot of time, no lie. I spent many hour over many days. I primarily used stock images of the item or that were close though (thank you Google image search). About 90% of my images are stock. Hope that helps!
I'm also a big fan of Indyx! Since I started using it, I've found myself being more creative with my outfits and shopping a lot less! Also packing for travel has been a lot easier too
Lindsey, if you pass through the Slope on your way home, you have a fabulous Buy Nothing group available to you with lots of neighbors, many who would likely be thrilled with your bags of old shoes, sweaters with holes and raggedy pants. And if you don’t get any takers, Brooklyn has multiple venues for donating to local groups collecting for migrants. Feel free to message if you need more info.
I struggled with this same dilemma when I entered my 40s three years ago with a toddler and only now feel like I’ve got a bit of a handle on it. I’ve mostly had to reframe my conception of style to include much more realistic lifestyle and environmental factors. I don’t think this works for everyone but for me, Allison Bornstein’s 3-word was helpful in figuring out how to define what my style is but soooo much was just photo documenting experimental trial and error, which included a series of truly terrible hair cuts as I navigated perimenopausal hair texture changes, as well as the weight rollercoaster. Ultimately, I realized that regardless of online or in person, I shouldn’t be buying anything that doesn’t make my heart sing and also doesn’t fit my lifestyle but there are things I won’t compromise, like knowing I will always want at least one colorful or animal-print element in an outfit or figuring out the most comfortable bras for my large chest are cotton wireless bras and deep v-necks work best for both my physical comfort and feel naturally attractive. Finding the right kind of jeans styles (which I wear 7 days a week) was also key. I do 80% of my shopping via sites like Poshmark and ThredUp but if I see something at a regular brand, especially jeans and basics, I will snap them up SO fast. But I still have a hard budget line of no more than $100 on a piece, unless it’s insanely special and I can’t source it on a resale site. And yes to Noihsaf Bazaar, love them! But it’s all so personal (I was socialized by my family to bargain hunt excellent quality pieces, we used to hit sale-on-sale at department stores like sharks on the hunt). So probably the most important thing is to just be kind to yourself because you’re doing great.
When the outside world seems scary and out of control we all want to retreat somewhere cozy, small, where we can exercise control. So go ahead, Kon Mari the heck out of things that no longer serve you - where you can. Forgive yourself for buying cheap plastic stuff and resolve to do better in the future. Set a budget, figure out what type of life you dress for most often, and buy the nicest best fitting best quality stuff you can afford to serve that life and not a fantasy we all build in our head:-) if it’s leggings - buy nice leggings, the ones that fit and feel best (always cotton for me). Get a silk tee, a cashmere tunic, an oversized wool sweater, a funky color. Enjoy:-)
Funny, I was just writing about how weird it is to think about clothes while democracy is collapsing — and yet, I do.
I'll never forget an $800 pair of boots I tried on once at Nordstrom (and this was years ago), only because the saleswoman brought them to me unbidden. They didn't even look like anything special, but when I tried them on I was amazed. I can't explain what it was, but I could tell they were of extremely high quality and at another level from any boots I'd ever tried on. I couldn't see spending that much, though. And I got these on sale for around $120 and they're both beautiful and comfortable, so: https://www.aprilcornell.com/product/Marty-Boot-ACSHMAR-Camel/
I've been having clothes swaps every year for over 20 years, a great way to reuse clothes while also having fun: https://flowerchild.substack.com/p/fighting-fast-fashion. But I admit, even with those we end up donating a lot.
I love looking through the site and getting introduced to new styles and brands. You can also "like" items so that you can watch if the price drops or just to make myself wait and see if I really need it. Plus, I've sold a lot of my clothes on the website which has been super easy. The catch is that the focus is on independent designers and small shops so the items can be pricey, but I have found some amazing deals.
Loved this one! I’ve been brainstorming something along the same lines, specifically because of what you wrote about the mom of 3 - does she really parent in those fabulous outfits? Probably not. Personal style evolves, and sometimes change is scary. When I lived in LA child-free as a fashion editor & blogger I really did live in all the outfits I posted. I was able to make statements with clothing (since I had places to wear them). I was able to walk in stilettos all day (since I wasn’t chasing a toddler). Now I’m struggling like you - I want to live in my basic uniform I’ve fallen into as a single mom who is both a wtf woman and a sahm. I related so much that you feel like you’ll just blend in. My style is so much simpler now. Will I get lost with all the other influencer if I post about what I really wear? But I don’t want to be one of the influencers you mention who curates a perfect outfit for the gram then immediately changes into sweats (I know too many of these irl). Anyway, I’m babbling but I really just wanted to say thank you. Great post!
First, I love how much your posts spark good conversation in the comments and folks are generally so respectful of differing opinions. What a happy place to be!
I tend to think we don't owe each other fiscal responsibility online. As you said, we have different budgets and priorities for spending those budgets. That's fair! But what gets me is the adjectives like "affordable" when describing a $200 dress or that $60 inn beauty moisturizer that's "such a good deal!". This is so common and influencers, I implore you to just say the dress is nice or the lotion works well or whatever. Please do not lead with telling me that a dress is affordable when frankly, to the masses including myself, $200 is not affordable. That's a very special, fancy occasion price point. To me. And you don't owe me fiscal responsibility, but I don't need to be told that I'm poor, you know?
Really I usually just roll my eyes and scroll on, but if we can provide feedback to the influencing industry, that would be mine.
Jen, thank you! I want this to be a happy place, so your comment really made my morning!
And that's such good feedback! I do think that you see some influencers falling over themselves trying to justify the high price points they feature. I like the idea of removing adjective/comments that pass judgement on a price point.
To recycle ratty clothing that can't be donated well, and you don't want to trash, I highly recommend a Take Back Bag! They make sure the cloth gets actually recycled/upcycled.
Wow do I sympathize with trying to figure out what my style is at this point in my life! Jeans are such a wild west right now that I have no idea what to buy. I found a perfect pair at a consignment store last year, and then the butt ripped open two months later in a way that could not be repaired and the brand doesn't make that cut anymore. And while I love a crop top and feel good in them, I'm also almost 40 so is that something that I want in my wardrobe anymore? It's all hard to figure out!
For the shopping part, I don't follow fashion or mom-influencer content, so that at least takes away some of the consumption pressure. I also tend to stay away from buying things new in general, both because I have a very limited clothing budget and because all the problems with how clothing is made stress me out. So I have very little buyer's remorse. Instead, it just takes me *forever* to find or replace items. Buying things secondhand takes time and I don't have a lot of that to devote to shopping for clothes! I'd been looking for a specific sort of boots for about two years before I finally found a pair at a local consignment store that I liked this winter. Two years!
I will buy things new sometimes if I just cannot find them secondhand, or if I need something very specific, like when I traveled to Iceland last year and needed weather-appropriate gear. But all of it adds up to making getting dressed and feeling good about it a real challenge!
I got all the ig ads for https://www.trashie.io/ and have been accumulating clothes that become unwearable (mine/kids) to eventually send to them. They do make you feel a little better about where your well-used items end up!
I enjoyed this, and these are questions we all should be asking.
The first post I ever wrote online was about my year of no shopping -- for clothes, shoes, or accessories. It was such an interesting experience. The only way to stop the itch of wanting to shop is to stop scratching/shopping. I can't recommend it highly enough!
There is no better way to see the artificial need created by consumer capitalism than by stepping aside and becoming a witness instead of a participant.
Yes, I agree! I often take months off from shopping, and not shopping online makes it easier because usually I’m too busy to make it to a store! Erika and I talked a little about how easy it is to fall into a buy buy buy mentality where once you buy one thing you want to buy another and another.
Such an important topic, Lindsey! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your relationship with shopping. We are drowning in clothes and need to have honest conversations of what buying new is doing to our planet. Please don’t let this be the only post on the topic.
I feel this post, thanks for sharing. What to wear / what is my personal style takes up more head space than I would like, and I still don’t have any definitive answers! I’m also in my 40s, home with two young kids, live in a rural area, and what I want to wear versus what is practical to wear is sometimes (okay, often) a really wide gap. I also don’t feel good about the amount of online browsing I do (so many links!), and have lately wondered how much of my fantasy wear is influenced by my time online. I’m guessing it’s a lot, and wonder how I would feel about it all if I’m just online less. I could go on, but it is nice to know that I’m not alone in wrestling with these thoughts!
I read this while wearing a pair of leggings I found in a clearance cart at Kroger last year for $2. I wear them all the time! I just bought one pair bcz I was suspicious of them, but wish I’d bought them all. I’d be set for life.
But nobody is ever going to consider me fashionable. I now own ONE pair of jeans in my current size and I bought them at Old Navy for around $20 about two weeks ago. (I have jeans in multiple sizes because my weight shifts a lot; I needed a size 12 and the pair I bought the last time I was at this weight has a defective zipper.) You can only wear about 7 outfits a week. Add in some fancy options, some things for yard work or exercise, and account for seasonal changes. Consider that most pieces will last at least 10 years if you take care of them. Turns out you really only NEED to make a couple of purchases per year unless your weight changes or you switch jobs and need more (or less) professional attire.
I also have a black pure wool dress coat that I bought in the 1990s. It’s still perfect. It cost about $100 (purchased on clearance!) and I knew I’d never have to replace it. I don’t anticipate ever buying another.
If you love fashion but want to curb your consumption, I highly recommend Indyx! Changed my life, that’s not an understatement.
Also, I too feel a bit of ick at how many of the newsletters I follow are just link central. I’ve decided for now that if the primary focus of someone’s content is to keep selling me, then they probably aren’t for me. There are some incredible folks in the space though who are focused more on styling, secondhand shopping, and tools to be a better shopper.
Robyn do you use Indyx to create outfits? Or just track what you wear? So curious about how people are using it! Did you photograph your whole wardrobe?
Both outfit creation and tracking! I’ve been tracking my wardrobe for about a year before I started Indyx, but the feature set of Indyx is much richer and I do enjoy their styling services as well. I now have a 300+ outfit library (and of course many more possibilities beyond that) to reference which I tag with the season, formality level, and a rating of how I felt in it. When “I have nothing to wear”, Indyx shows me that is not the case with many outfits that have made me feel amazing. The benefit of the platform compounds over time.
To upload my wardrobe, it took a lot of time, no lie. I spent many hour over many days. I primarily used stock images of the item or that were close though (thank you Google image search). About 90% of my images are stock. Hope that helps!
I'm also a big fan of Indyx! Since I started using it, I've found myself being more creative with my outfits and shopping a lot less! Also packing for travel has been a lot easier too
Lindsey, if you pass through the Slope on your way home, you have a fabulous Buy Nothing group available to you with lots of neighbors, many who would likely be thrilled with your bags of old shoes, sweaters with holes and raggedy pants. And if you don’t get any takers, Brooklyn has multiple venues for donating to local groups collecting for migrants. Feel free to message if you need more info.
I struggled with this same dilemma when I entered my 40s three years ago with a toddler and only now feel like I’ve got a bit of a handle on it. I’ve mostly had to reframe my conception of style to include much more realistic lifestyle and environmental factors. I don’t think this works for everyone but for me, Allison Bornstein’s 3-word was helpful in figuring out how to define what my style is but soooo much was just photo documenting experimental trial and error, which included a series of truly terrible hair cuts as I navigated perimenopausal hair texture changes, as well as the weight rollercoaster. Ultimately, I realized that regardless of online or in person, I shouldn’t be buying anything that doesn’t make my heart sing and also doesn’t fit my lifestyle but there are things I won’t compromise, like knowing I will always want at least one colorful or animal-print element in an outfit or figuring out the most comfortable bras for my large chest are cotton wireless bras and deep v-necks work best for both my physical comfort and feel naturally attractive. Finding the right kind of jeans styles (which I wear 7 days a week) was also key. I do 80% of my shopping via sites like Poshmark and ThredUp but if I see something at a regular brand, especially jeans and basics, I will snap them up SO fast. But I still have a hard budget line of no more than $100 on a piece, unless it’s insanely special and I can’t source it on a resale site. And yes to Noihsaf Bazaar, love them! But it’s all so personal (I was socialized by my family to bargain hunt excellent quality pieces, we used to hit sale-on-sale at department stores like sharks on the hunt). So probably the most important thing is to just be kind to yourself because you’re doing great.
Thanks so much for this note!
When the outside world seems scary and out of control we all want to retreat somewhere cozy, small, where we can exercise control. So go ahead, Kon Mari the heck out of things that no longer serve you - where you can. Forgive yourself for buying cheap plastic stuff and resolve to do better in the future. Set a budget, figure out what type of life you dress for most often, and buy the nicest best fitting best quality stuff you can afford to serve that life and not a fantasy we all build in our head:-) if it’s leggings - buy nice leggings, the ones that fit and feel best (always cotton for me). Get a silk tee, a cashmere tunic, an oversized wool sweater, a funky color. Enjoy:-)
“What type of life you dress for most often” — this is a great takeaway, thanks!
It really is!
Thank you so much for this comment! Really loved it!
Funny, I was just writing about how weird it is to think about clothes while democracy is collapsing — and yet, I do.
I'll never forget an $800 pair of boots I tried on once at Nordstrom (and this was years ago), only because the saleswoman brought them to me unbidden. They didn't even look like anything special, but when I tried them on I was amazed. I can't explain what it was, but I could tell they were of extremely high quality and at another level from any boots I'd ever tried on. I couldn't see spending that much, though. And I got these on sale for around $120 and they're both beautiful and comfortable, so: https://www.aprilcornell.com/product/Marty-Boot-ACSHMAR-Camel/
I've been having clothes swaps every year for over 20 years, a great way to reuse clothes while also having fun: https://flowerchild.substack.com/p/fighting-fast-fashion. But I admit, even with those we end up donating a lot.
Yes, I love the idea of a clothing swap! And those boots are super cute!
I walked all over Paris and Barcelona in them last October!
Even better!
Thanks for a thoughtful article! I wanted to plug Noihsaf Bazaar. https://noihsafbazaar.com/
I love looking through the site and getting introduced to new styles and brands. You can also "like" items so that you can watch if the price drops or just to make myself wait and see if I really need it. Plus, I've sold a lot of my clothes on the website which has been super easy. The catch is that the focus is on independent designers and small shops so the items can be pricey, but I have found some amazing deals.
Ah yes! I love Noihsaf, and I meant to mention them! It's such a great site!
Loved this one! I’ve been brainstorming something along the same lines, specifically because of what you wrote about the mom of 3 - does she really parent in those fabulous outfits? Probably not. Personal style evolves, and sometimes change is scary. When I lived in LA child-free as a fashion editor & blogger I really did live in all the outfits I posted. I was able to make statements with clothing (since I had places to wear them). I was able to walk in stilettos all day (since I wasn’t chasing a toddler). Now I’m struggling like you - I want to live in my basic uniform I’ve fallen into as a single mom who is both a wtf woman and a sahm. I related so much that you feel like you’ll just blend in. My style is so much simpler now. Will I get lost with all the other influencer if I post about what I really wear? But I don’t want to be one of the influencers you mention who curates a perfect outfit for the gram then immediately changes into sweats (I know too many of these irl). Anyway, I’m babbling but I really just wanted to say thank you. Great post!
Thank you, Sydne! I love this! The transition is tough and it's ongoing!
The work from home thing has really deteriorated my outfits — and I've been doing it since 2017! I seem to get more casual every year. ;-)
First, I love how much your posts spark good conversation in the comments and folks are generally so respectful of differing opinions. What a happy place to be!
I tend to think we don't owe each other fiscal responsibility online. As you said, we have different budgets and priorities for spending those budgets. That's fair! But what gets me is the adjectives like "affordable" when describing a $200 dress or that $60 inn beauty moisturizer that's "such a good deal!". This is so common and influencers, I implore you to just say the dress is nice or the lotion works well or whatever. Please do not lead with telling me that a dress is affordable when frankly, to the masses including myself, $200 is not affordable. That's a very special, fancy occasion price point. To me. And you don't owe me fiscal responsibility, but I don't need to be told that I'm poor, you know?
Really I usually just roll my eyes and scroll on, but if we can provide feedback to the influencing industry, that would be mine.
Jen, thank you! I want this to be a happy place, so your comment really made my morning!
And that's such good feedback! I do think that you see some influencers falling over themselves trying to justify the high price points they feature. I like the idea of removing adjective/comments that pass judgement on a price point.
To recycle ratty clothing that can't be donated well, and you don't want to trash, I highly recommend a Take Back Bag! They make sure the cloth gets actually recycled/upcycled.
https://bombas.com/products/take-back-bag
Ooh, I will check this out!
Wow do I sympathize with trying to figure out what my style is at this point in my life! Jeans are such a wild west right now that I have no idea what to buy. I found a perfect pair at a consignment store last year, and then the butt ripped open two months later in a way that could not be repaired and the brand doesn't make that cut anymore. And while I love a crop top and feel good in them, I'm also almost 40 so is that something that I want in my wardrobe anymore? It's all hard to figure out!
For the shopping part, I don't follow fashion or mom-influencer content, so that at least takes away some of the consumption pressure. I also tend to stay away from buying things new in general, both because I have a very limited clothing budget and because all the problems with how clothing is made stress me out. So I have very little buyer's remorse. Instead, it just takes me *forever* to find or replace items. Buying things secondhand takes time and I don't have a lot of that to devote to shopping for clothes! I'd been looking for a specific sort of boots for about two years before I finally found a pair at a local consignment store that I liked this winter. Two years!
I will buy things new sometimes if I just cannot find them secondhand, or if I need something very specific, like when I traveled to Iceland last year and needed weather-appropriate gear. But all of it adds up to making getting dressed and feeling good about it a real challenge!
I got all the ig ads for https://www.trashie.io/ and have been accumulating clothes that become unwearable (mine/kids) to eventually send to them. They do make you feel a little better about where your well-used items end up!
Thanks! I haven't heard of this! I will check it out!
I enjoyed this, and these are questions we all should be asking.
The first post I ever wrote online was about my year of no shopping -- for clothes, shoes, or accessories. It was such an interesting experience. The only way to stop the itch of wanting to shop is to stop scratching/shopping. I can't recommend it highly enough!
There is no better way to see the artificial need created by consumer capitalism than by stepping aside and becoming a witness instead of a participant.
Yes, I agree! I often take months off from shopping, and not shopping online makes it easier because usually I’m too busy to make it to a store! Erika and I talked a little about how easy it is to fall into a buy buy buy mentality where once you buy one thing you want to buy another and another.
The Diderot Effect is real!
Haha yes!
Such an important topic, Lindsey! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your relationship with shopping. We are drowning in clothes and need to have honest conversations of what buying new is doing to our planet. Please don’t let this be the only post on the topic.
Thank you! Definitely not the only! I feel like I only scratched the surface!
Basic fashion-loving, style-less Brooklyn mom feeling seen over here 🙌 Appreciate you putting my exact thoughts into words!
ditto 🤣
I feel this post, thanks for sharing. What to wear / what is my personal style takes up more head space than I would like, and I still don’t have any definitive answers! I’m also in my 40s, home with two young kids, live in a rural area, and what I want to wear versus what is practical to wear is sometimes (okay, often) a really wide gap. I also don’t feel good about the amount of online browsing I do (so many links!), and have lately wondered how much of my fantasy wear is influenced by my time online. I’m guessing it’s a lot, and wonder how I would feel about it all if I’m just online less. I could go on, but it is nice to know that I’m not alone in wrestling with these thoughts!
Oh man, Danielle! I feel you on this! We could all probably do well to spend less time online.