While it may be increasing, this is an old and worn cudgel, used mostly (though not entirely) against women in the workforce. As a 63-year-old woman who came up in Silicon Valley, by the time I was in my 40s I could feel myself written off as “kind of used up,” despite having been very successful in my late 20s and 30s. I had pushed against the grain for years-in how I dressed, how I worked, and how I questioned norms (my first hybrid job was in 1995, and I was the first in my large corporation). Those traits were seen as smart, even visionary, when I was younger. As I aged, the same behavior was increasingly seen as being difficult or a nag. I spent several years struggling to find work that felt aligned, before finally changing course and starting my own organization. It is the only security you can have. I would rather fail on my own than struggle to operate with blowhards that use their dick and their low self esteem to make decisions.
I talk a lot about being unemployable at my age, but it’s not just my age: It’s my failure to attempt to look younger.
I’m keenly aware that being competent and reliable are not enough. Talent and hard work are not enough, either.
Could I have found a job if I were more attractive and willing (and able!) to have work done or at least to have spent more on my appearance?
Probably. I meet traditional grooming standards — feel free to look at my profile pic and tell me if you think I’m wrong — but I don’t meet the higher standards demanded of women today — and ONLY women, mind you!
As a 34-year-old who works with college students, I am fighting so hard to NOT participate in the never-ending hamster wheel of preserving every aspect of my face, hair, weight, etc. in perpetuity. What sort of example does that set for the younger women in my life? I am a feminist after all! What does that say about our value system? I don't have the time, let alone the money. (I have never thought about what that could be costing me, though. How freakin' bleak.)
I work 40 hours a week and everything I choose to do means saying no to a million other things. I choose friends, books, good food, a cheap gym membership, beers by the river and volunteering.
No judgement to those who have more money and choose to spend it in this way. There are days where I wish I was one of those girlies!! But I'm just not and I wish I wasn't feeling like more and more of anomaly.
Interesting take - I wonder about the education and healthcare sector, as opposed to corporate world. I’m in education and nobody really cares how you look, lol, although I love quirky dressers who show their personality to the students. And healthcare or science? I tend to reasons favorably to social media faces that are more authentic and wise in these spaces, as I probably feel they have more experience and wisdom to share. Hmmm, interesting to think about!
I was thinking/wondering the same thing! I’ve worked in schools for over 20 years and no one cares how you look. Ive spent a ton of time in hospitals and healthcare settings over the last year helping my mom through cancer treatments and same thing. I’ve never wanted a corporate job and definitely didn’t survive 90s diet culture intact to give into anti-aging culture at 44. Aging is a privilege.
I’ve worked in direct patient healthcare for over 25 years. Appearance seems to matter more in healthcare sales and marketing, but not necessarily in patient care. However, I have experienced my age and experience being a factor in whether I even get an interview. I have been told it is because I will expect a higher starting wage than someone fresh out of school. I’ve also experienced extreme salary differences based on gender. I may have more education and experience, but have repeatedly found I’m compensated less than a male counterpart. This has been slowly changing, but partly because my state is now required to post salary ranges for jobs and people have become more open to discussing what they’re making.
When you have to pursue beauty and youth as a condition of employment (or promotion/career progression), it’s essentially work disguised as “self-care.” Beauty work. Another form of unpaid labor (in this case, perversely costly to its subjects) that men don’t have to do and gain comparative advantage in not having to do, get to enjoy on the side, frame as something women like to do anyway, and refuse to see as “labor.” What a toxic brew of misogyny and capitalism, in the form of the beauty-industrial complex.
Totally. 50yo guy here - I just commented about getting facials "for work." I was wondering if other men would jump in here. I am a bit surprised by how many corporate men in there 40s and 50s "let themselves go." with infrequent haircuts and poor skin care. I do see a relationship between their level on the ladder and their looks.
I'm an early 40s woman living outside the US and when I went home for the holidays, I was surprised to learn nearly all of my friends - and their husbands- are on Ozempic and/or getting Botox regularly. So many people I never expected this from, who seemed confident and comfortable in their skin for ages, but they all spoke of it as routine maintenance. As something everyone is doing, like it's upgrading tech or something. It has become so normalized that I worry for Gen Z who sees it as preventative, and what will come after that. The hamster wheel keeps spinning indeed.
50 year old guy in a corporate sales job here and I agree. I'm getting facials quarterly, using serums to bring down redness. Looks count at work, especially in the Zoom era. I think more and more about my clothes for work and finding the right balance to show my seniority, creativity and being "with it". Causes me to buy too many pairs of minimalist sneakers.
I am not the brightest bulb in the packet. I know who I am and work with that. There are lots of beautiful people out there, and maybe they have a certain power that I do not have, or for that matter want. I am immensely happy that I am retired and average in looks. I use to buy and sell beauty products in my younger years and loved making up women, to show them how beautiful their outside could be. It was a different time and place, we didn’t have the pressures we have now.
There were women who I worked with who used their beauty, sex to advance themselves. It was interesting to watch as they climbed over others up the ladder, and viewed their coworkers with animosity, and contempt. I didn’t play that game, because it wasn’t in me to financial harm someone, and I didn’t want to pursue a career in banking.
I know I bitch a lot about not making money or succeeding in the work world like I wanted too, but at the end of the day I have to live with myself. I have done really well from where I started, and I am so glad I am retired.
This captures the anxiety of turning your own face into a line item in a budget. The connection between economic instability and appearance as “career insurance” feels uncomfortably plausible. I appreciate how you zoom out to show the larger systems at play instead of treating it like a series of individual choices. The hamster wheel metaphor lingers because it explains why the pressure never seems to ease. It left me thinking about what we’re sacrificing when optimization becomes the default setting.
It was 60s music!!! But TBH, I would have been happy either way. It's when the oldies music is from the early aughts that I get sad, mostly b/c I don't like that music very much, LOL!
While it may be increasing, this is an old and worn cudgel, used mostly (though not entirely) against women in the workforce. As a 63-year-old woman who came up in Silicon Valley, by the time I was in my 40s I could feel myself written off as “kind of used up,” despite having been very successful in my late 20s and 30s. I had pushed against the grain for years-in how I dressed, how I worked, and how I questioned norms (my first hybrid job was in 1995, and I was the first in my large corporation). Those traits were seen as smart, even visionary, when I was younger. As I aged, the same behavior was increasingly seen as being difficult or a nag. I spent several years struggling to find work that felt aligned, before finally changing course and starting my own organization. It is the only security you can have. I would rather fail on my own than struggle to operate with blowhards that use their dick and their low self esteem to make decisions.
I talk a lot about being unemployable at my age, but it’s not just my age: It’s my failure to attempt to look younger.
I’m keenly aware that being competent and reliable are not enough. Talent and hard work are not enough, either.
Could I have found a job if I were more attractive and willing (and able!) to have work done or at least to have spent more on my appearance?
Probably. I meet traditional grooming standards — feel free to look at my profile pic and tell me if you think I’m wrong — but I don’t meet the higher standards demanded of women today — and ONLY women, mind you!
As a 34-year-old who works with college students, I am fighting so hard to NOT participate in the never-ending hamster wheel of preserving every aspect of my face, hair, weight, etc. in perpetuity. What sort of example does that set for the younger women in my life? I am a feminist after all! What does that say about our value system? I don't have the time, let alone the money. (I have never thought about what that could be costing me, though. How freakin' bleak.)
I work 40 hours a week and everything I choose to do means saying no to a million other things. I choose friends, books, good food, a cheap gym membership, beers by the river and volunteering.
No judgement to those who have more money and choose to spend it in this way. There are days where I wish I was one of those girlies!! But I'm just not and I wish I wasn't feeling like more and more of anomaly.
Interesting take - I wonder about the education and healthcare sector, as opposed to corporate world. I’m in education and nobody really cares how you look, lol, although I love quirky dressers who show their personality to the students. And healthcare or science? I tend to reasons favorably to social media faces that are more authentic and wise in these spaces, as I probably feel they have more experience and wisdom to share. Hmmm, interesting to think about!
I was thinking/wondering the same thing! I’ve worked in schools for over 20 years and no one cares how you look. Ive spent a ton of time in hospitals and healthcare settings over the last year helping my mom through cancer treatments and same thing. I’ve never wanted a corporate job and definitely didn’t survive 90s diet culture intact to give into anti-aging culture at 44. Aging is a privilege.
I’ve worked in direct patient healthcare for over 25 years. Appearance seems to matter more in healthcare sales and marketing, but not necessarily in patient care. However, I have experienced my age and experience being a factor in whether I even get an interview. I have been told it is because I will expect a higher starting wage than someone fresh out of school. I’ve also experienced extreme salary differences based on gender. I may have more education and experience, but have repeatedly found I’m compensated less than a male counterpart. This has been slowly changing, but partly because my state is now required to post salary ranges for jobs and people have become more open to discussing what they’re making.
When you have to pursue beauty and youth as a condition of employment (or promotion/career progression), it’s essentially work disguised as “self-care.” Beauty work. Another form of unpaid labor (in this case, perversely costly to its subjects) that men don’t have to do and gain comparative advantage in not having to do, get to enjoy on the side, frame as something women like to do anyway, and refuse to see as “labor.” What a toxic brew of misogyny and capitalism, in the form of the beauty-industrial complex.
Well put. For anyone interested in hearing more on this perspective, I'd highly recommend checking out Jessica Defino's work on this.
The best!
I'm a fan of both Hanna and Lindsey. The beauty wars are increasing and they are coming for/have already come for men!
Totally. 50yo guy here - I just commented about getting facials "for work." I was wondering if other men would jump in here. I am a bit surprised by how many corporate men in there 40s and 50s "let themselves go." with infrequent haircuts and poor skin care. I do see a relationship between their level on the ladder and their looks.
I'm an early 40s woman living outside the US and when I went home for the holidays, I was surprised to learn nearly all of my friends - and their husbands- are on Ozempic and/or getting Botox regularly. So many people I never expected this from, who seemed confident and comfortable in their skin for ages, but they all spoke of it as routine maintenance. As something everyone is doing, like it's upgrading tech or something. It has become so normalized that I worry for Gen Z who sees it as preventative, and what will come after that. The hamster wheel keeps spinning indeed.
50 year old guy in a corporate sales job here and I agree. I'm getting facials quarterly, using serums to bring down redness. Looks count at work, especially in the Zoom era. I think more and more about my clothes for work and finding the right balance to show my seniority, creativity and being "with it". Causes me to buy too many pairs of minimalist sneakers.
I am not the brightest bulb in the packet. I know who I am and work with that. There are lots of beautiful people out there, and maybe they have a certain power that I do not have, or for that matter want. I am immensely happy that I am retired and average in looks. I use to buy and sell beauty products in my younger years and loved making up women, to show them how beautiful their outside could be. It was a different time and place, we didn’t have the pressures we have now.
There were women who I worked with who used their beauty, sex to advance themselves. It was interesting to watch as they climbed over others up the ladder, and viewed their coworkers with animosity, and contempt. I didn’t play that game, because it wasn’t in me to financial harm someone, and I didn’t want to pursue a career in banking.
I know I bitch a lot about not making money or succeeding in the work world like I wanted too, but at the end of the day I have to live with myself. I have done really well from where I started, and I am so glad I am retired.
I’m in my 40’s and I think this topic really matters. I love ailey jolie’s writing on this regarding women and that hamster wheel.
https://substack.com/@aileyjolie/note/c-203036638?r=b624l&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action
This captures the anxiety of turning your own face into a line item in a budget. The connection between economic instability and appearance as “career insurance” feels uncomfortably plausible. I appreciate how you zoom out to show the larger systems at play instead of treating it like a series of individual choices. The hamster wheel metaphor lingers because it explains why the pressure never seems to ease. It left me thinking about what we’re sacrificing when optimization becomes the default setting.
Now when I picture dancing with the oldies, I start hearing music from the 60s. Very curious if that was the case or if "oldies" was a 90s mix tape ;)
It was 60s music!!! But TBH, I would have been happy either way. It's when the oldies music is from the early aughts that I get sad, mostly b/c I don't like that music very much, LOL!