My friends and I have instituted a “you pick-you pay” for annual birthday events and meals. It removes the onus to pay on friends who didn’t pick the place or activity, lets the birthday girl decide what the activities and events will be and the budget. As our individual circumstances have shifted it has let us do a range of things that is always comfortable for each one of us and always within our means. Fantastic. Would highly recommend at any age!
I really enjoyed reading this. I too grew up waay before FB and Instagram was a thing -- was perfectly happy living and enjoying my life. I've lived in NYC for decades, never made a lot of money - but I never felt poor like I often do now. Also, now I have some friends who are lovely AND make a ton of money. Being in my 50's I do have the confidence to tell people, "I just can't afford that show, that restaurant, the weekend getaway that costs 2 weeks of my salary and maybe a day of theirs," but it doesn't feel great. I can't help mentioning how the cost of everything has sky rocketed too. Even going to a movie and a diner afterwards has become a production and so expensive.
Paying for birthday dinners that are ridiculously extravagant simply irks me. If I want to celebrate your birthday by cooking you dinner, or taking you to dinner is one thing - but forcefully having to pay for the way you want to be celebrated -- sorry - no can do.
I know I sound old and curmudgeon-y -- I'm really not. But then maybe I am -- a little. I could go on but I won't.
Great read though - thank you so much for sharing.
I did a lot of living before social media was a thing... when I got married at 30 in 2003, my bachelorette party was in my friend's backyard and we had a blast! I had 1 wedding dress and got my rehearsal dinner dress at the mall for $50. We all however had already purchased our first homes, owned cars and none of us had moved back home after finishing college. Now what I see on instagram is fancy bachelorette parties in palm springs, Nashville, Vegas etc. Wedding weekend wardrobes that cost thousands between the welcome party, the rehearsal, the getting ready outfit, the wedding dress and then party dress. They say that they cannot afford to move out/get into the real estate market but in many cases, they are just spending their money differently than we did
I'm a few years older than you and wonder about this too. I'm not going to gripe about the 'kids these days with their avocado toast', but it's hard to avoid raising a Gen-X eyebrow sometimes when I see how much parental funds some people get in their 20s and 30's and how that lifestyle gets amplified on social media and distorts perceptions.
I do get judgy when i see reels etc about "underspending" or the things you'll remember if you grew up in a poor/lower middle class household and it's stuff that used to be pretty damn common for everyone, especially people just starting out in adulthood. Forget matching storage containers and cute furniture and bring on the random hand-me-down furniture and milk crates. But even that observation is sort of clouded by the reality that is that accumulating stuff took a larger percentage of our income 30 years ago and housing/college took less. I recently bought a couch, end table and rug for my office and wanted to get second hand ones because I'm a cheap elder Gen X who cares about not sending too much stuff to the landfill. it was a bit disconcerting to see the low price point of the low end stuff on Amazon
I feel this deeply! It is hard not to feel judge-y! I think that's a really good point about how it was more expensive to accumulate stuff 30 years ago. Also, arguably, it took more work, since you couldn't just shop from your phone. There's probably a whole other story there! Thanks for the inspiration!
Ha, I was also thinking about the time aspect because it took me much longer to get the couch and table from the consignment shop/FB marketplace than it would to just order them. I actually gave up on the used rug search and ordered a new one.
I enjoyed reading this! For me, I have friends both above and below where our family is on the income scale, and everyone has different priorities. So with one friend, we might spend a boatload on a fancy dinner out because we both enjoy trying new things, and with another we meet up for coffee and a walk because they are focused on their health right now. I struggle with trying to be everything to everyone so my challenge is to watch my own budget and make sure I'm not spending irresponsibly. (My coffee friend spends a lot on their boutique gym and keeps inviting me to join and I simply can't justify the expense. My foodie friend and I try to keep our indulgent meals to once a quarter.) Three of my mom friends and I have rented a beach house for our families for the last several summers and had to come to terms on what we could each spend and what that would mean for the rental - maybe we could get ocean front but no pool, or one more bathroom but in the second row, etc. I'm glad we could be open about what features were important and what we could spend without judgment. I feel like my parents' generation DID NOT talk about money, basically, ever.
loved this post, and i will say the financial playing field among friends in my area feels so much more leveled since I left New York City (although i still sometimes wonder with some jealousy how some of the people i know afford the vacations they take!) Since NYC isn't often an easy place to entertain in your home, it often felt like get togethers always cost money. It might also be the pandemic, but I now feel like people are much more willing to meet up for a walk or on a porch rather than a space that involves spending.
I’ve definitely noticed more receptivity to cheap/free dates over the past few years, too! I also credit it to people realizing they can only meet up to eat/drink so often before that gets old :)
This made me think of the time when I was a young mom who had a budding friendship with an attorney married to a doctor. We used to go out for coffee, which was already a stretch for me — I didn’t really have a budget for that and was prioritizing this splurge over some real needs. She would forget her wallet or would only have a card (at a time when some places still only took cash). She did this every time! She saw my house and knew I was poor but seemed not to understand paying her way was harming me. I dropped her. I never said anything because at that point, I was still ashamed of not having money.
I suspect her level of privilege was such that it honestly never occurred to her that paying for coffee or a simple lunch could be difficult for someone. I don’t think she had bad intentions. It was “just a few bucks” in her eyes. She was otherwise really nice.
This showed up in my Substack feed and I jumped in. Well written. An aspect that has been challenging for me is how many people have felt entitled to what I have now or envied me, but never made the sacrifices to get where I am now. I hide my money so most people have no idea. Inexpensive cars, modest house, make my own clothes. I grew up very poor and am fairly frugal, although less so now.
In college I had a friend, one who I eventually stopped loaning small amounts of money to, who said she envied me my travel. I was dirt poor and worked in Europe because I could not afford to travel without someone else paying. I stayed with friends and family and I did not own a car. This friend had a money sucking car. If she had been riding the Greyhound, like me, she would have been able to travel. I was so poor the hostels were too expensive.
Currently, I have a dear friend who is as cheap as I am, a bit cheaper because she is 10 years younger and has not gone to therapy to spend more, and we can talk because our positions and risk averseness are so similar.
My childhood friend came to me when they got a windfall so she could talk through the emotional parts. We got a tech windfall, Microsoft, back in our 30's and I was able to give support. This is not something most people will give sympathy for, but it is deeply life altering. It gave us the freedom to take time off and my husband was able to go to grad school with 3 kids at home.
When I had a big house, I bought fixer uppers and fixed them up, people would treat me strangely and it was very uncomfortable.
I grew up poor due to alcoholism. I was that little kid who smelled bad that no one was allowed to play with. No one respectable, anyway, my childhood friend grew up neglected in a commune and hippies didn't bathe either. At one point I was almost homeless and I swore I would never be in that position again. It is possible to go to far, but it has given me freedom. When my husband had irreconcileable differences with his job a year and a half ago, retiring was not a problem. We are 60. One of us may work for money again, but we have options. All those expensive vacations do not give people long term options and I picture a lot of regret for those people. I also picture fear of being poor because they don't know how and are not good at it. Growing up poor can be a huge blessing.
Great topic, thanks for covering this! I often think about that Friends episode. I find it interesting that in my circle of well-educated, middle-class people there's such a range of incomes and wealth. One friend has never made over $30K — in the SF Bay Area! — but her husband had a good government job and they bought a house when it was still possible. Others probably make around $200K — though I don't really know. Another is a retired schoolteacher and is stuck forever in her rent-controlled apartment, which is in a nice neighborhood but she can hear her neighbor snoring through the walls. Another owns two properties in SF with his wife and managed to retire at the age of 61 because they're both in tech. Others will have to work till 70 or longer. I've been up and down myself, with a stint in tech but mostly lower-paid work, so now at 62 I'm constantly fretting over money. Luckily, my friends are understanding and since covid began, we're mostly dining at one another's houses, so it hasn't been much of an issue. But I feel it, just being aware of how different all of our circumstances are.
This is helpful and interesting! My husband and I are in our early 30s, but we got married and had kids super young, so most people we spend time with are about a decade older than us. Our combined income is pretty low. I definitely struggle at times to not feel jealous of these friends and how easily they can do certain things (like go to the grocery and not worry about keeping it under a certain dollar amount!) but the core values are similar enough and we find common ground on other things - parenting style, sense of humor, etc., which provides a through-line for us all. It’s tricky at times!
Lindsey, this was such a fun read! Thanks so much for inviting Aja and me to be a part of it. There's no doubt there's so much to say (and I wish our conversation could've gone on even longer!), but you've done a skillful job capturing so much of the richness and nuance in the topic. xo
Loved reading this piece! I totally agree the NYC birthday dinners are crazy and can get so out of hand with expenses—also, NYC is one of the few places where restaurants never split the bill per person (compared to many restaurants I’ve been in other areas of the country where they happily split the bill per person and what they ordered). I have had many a dinner where we all throw down our cards at the end even though dishes/drinks varied a lot in cost
It’s rough! Although I have a funny memory of taking a group of grad students in town for AWP to Congee Village and the group trying to explain why they needed individual checks so they could get reimbursed and it was pure chaos lol 😂
Trust me as someone who worked in that industry, nobody splits the bill happily, they are being polite. Individual checks is a pet peeve of mine and I would never do that to a server. If you must, work it out among yourselves. I think this is mostly a woman thing as I never saw a group of men do that. I find it easier to go out with friends who don't keep such close tabs. I also am not about the expensive food, I want to pay for the food itself, not the tablecloth and trappings.
really love this topic as someone who does value my friendships and want to be intentional and inclusive. Not sure if you came across this NYT article about group savings accounts for friends
I think "money well spent" is the crux here! I have no problem accepting a more expensive invitation with friends I really love, and no problem declining even a cheap invitation when I don't care to invest in the relationship. It's a gut check thing: Do I want to pursue/grow this friendship? How much or little have I gone out lately? If it's at the high end of my budget, will it be really good for my soul? Questions like that go through my mind.
My friends and I also like gathering at someone's house, having a picnic at a public park or beach, taking a coffee walk, or something else free/cheap. But I'm also pretty introverted and fulfilled by less social time than others.
Made more difficult for those of us who were brought up in a world where it wasn't done to talk about money. I've never managed to lose that discomfort.
I loooove this topic. Money is such a thing in friendships, and it feels like at every life stage there’s a new round of complexity. When I go through a phase of needing to forge new relationships I try to set a “new friend budget” where I might say yes to things I normally wouldn’t, explicitly for the purpose of cementing and growing a friendship vs because I want to spend money on that thing. In NYC it’s usually restaurants, but has also been as large as a weekend trip that I wouldn’t otherwise prioritize right now. I also try to be open and honest with new friends when something is out of the ordinary or a splurge for me/us. Not in an over the top way or repeatedly, but I do try to set expectations that a certain restaurant is a once a year thing for me vs more often, or I’ll cheerily say they should invite a different friend to XYZ if they mention it but I’m their go to for happy hour or $2 taco Tuesdays. Usually they respond enthusiastically and it helps set expectations moving forward, and then I try to come up with concrete ideas really soon.
It’s been interesting bc having small kids has meant that 90% of my socializing is cheaper than ever because it happens at the park or playground and is 100% free. But 10% is much more expensive than ever because all of the parent friends make such differing amounts of money and are in different life stages. When we all figured out a kid free night to go out to dinner, the restaurant choice was one that would be an anniversary celebration for my husband and I, but was a pretty normal night out for everyone else. I try not to always be the “planner,” I do try to jump in with an early suggestion because oftentimes people are happy to not have to plan.
I have also found that in the right friendships, getting vulnerable about money has helped us grow closer even with a huge disparity between us. We’re currently in the process of buying an apartment in NYC, something that puts us in the upper echelon of money-privileged humans on the planet and also at first our friends assumed we would be buying something similar to what they own (multi-million 3-4 beds, 3 bath condos). We’re actually buying a sub 700k 2 bed/1 bath co-op. Still amazing and SO much more expensive than what most can afford! But realistically is also much lower than most families are spending in Manhattan. But both asking for advice on some of the steps of buying and then sharing more about what we could afford helped everyone get real about some of our disparities while building trust in the friendship.
Ooh this is such a good topic! As a working mom and two-income family, my biggest curiosity is always my two stay-at-home mom friends. It's none of my business, and I remind myself that whenever the thought creeps in, but naturally I can't help but wonder how they make it work.
My friends and I have instituted a “you pick-you pay” for annual birthday events and meals. It removes the onus to pay on friends who didn’t pick the place or activity, lets the birthday girl decide what the activities and events will be and the budget. As our individual circumstances have shifted it has let us do a range of things that is always comfortable for each one of us and always within our means. Fantastic. Would highly recommend at any age!
Love this!
wow, what a great idea!! Thanks for sharing, I might suggest this to some friends :)
I really enjoyed reading this. I too grew up waay before FB and Instagram was a thing -- was perfectly happy living and enjoying my life. I've lived in NYC for decades, never made a lot of money - but I never felt poor like I often do now. Also, now I have some friends who are lovely AND make a ton of money. Being in my 50's I do have the confidence to tell people, "I just can't afford that show, that restaurant, the weekend getaway that costs 2 weeks of my salary and maybe a day of theirs," but it doesn't feel great. I can't help mentioning how the cost of everything has sky rocketed too. Even going to a movie and a diner afterwards has become a production and so expensive.
Paying for birthday dinners that are ridiculously extravagant simply irks me. If I want to celebrate your birthday by cooking you dinner, or taking you to dinner is one thing - but forcefully having to pay for the way you want to be celebrated -- sorry - no can do.
I know I sound old and curmudgeon-y -- I'm really not. But then maybe I am -- a little. I could go on but I won't.
Great read though - thank you so much for sharing.
I agree, the cost of NYC has gotten out of control! I do think it was easier to do things more cheaply in the past. We can be curmudgeon-y together!
I did a lot of living before social media was a thing... when I got married at 30 in 2003, my bachelorette party was in my friend's backyard and we had a blast! I had 1 wedding dress and got my rehearsal dinner dress at the mall for $50. We all however had already purchased our first homes, owned cars and none of us had moved back home after finishing college. Now what I see on instagram is fancy bachelorette parties in palm springs, Nashville, Vegas etc. Wedding weekend wardrobes that cost thousands between the welcome party, the rehearsal, the getting ready outfit, the wedding dress and then party dress. They say that they cannot afford to move out/get into the real estate market but in many cases, they are just spending their money differently than we did
I'm a few years older than you and wonder about this too. I'm not going to gripe about the 'kids these days with their avocado toast', but it's hard to avoid raising a Gen-X eyebrow sometimes when I see how much parental funds some people get in their 20s and 30's and how that lifestyle gets amplified on social media and distorts perceptions.
I do get judgy when i see reels etc about "underspending" or the things you'll remember if you grew up in a poor/lower middle class household and it's stuff that used to be pretty damn common for everyone, especially people just starting out in adulthood. Forget matching storage containers and cute furniture and bring on the random hand-me-down furniture and milk crates. But even that observation is sort of clouded by the reality that is that accumulating stuff took a larger percentage of our income 30 years ago and housing/college took less. I recently bought a couch, end table and rug for my office and wanted to get second hand ones because I'm a cheap elder Gen X who cares about not sending too much stuff to the landfill. it was a bit disconcerting to see the low price point of the low end stuff on Amazon
I feel this deeply! It is hard not to feel judge-y! I think that's a really good point about how it was more expensive to accumulate stuff 30 years ago. Also, arguably, it took more work, since you couldn't just shop from your phone. There's probably a whole other story there! Thanks for the inspiration!
Ha, I was also thinking about the time aspect because it took me much longer to get the couch and table from the consignment shop/FB marketplace than it would to just order them. I actually gave up on the used rug search and ordered a new one.
Love this, Sharon! Jen and I both organized each other's bachelorette, which involved nights out in NYC. They were SO fun!
I enjoyed reading this! For me, I have friends both above and below where our family is on the income scale, and everyone has different priorities. So with one friend, we might spend a boatload on a fancy dinner out because we both enjoy trying new things, and with another we meet up for coffee and a walk because they are focused on their health right now. I struggle with trying to be everything to everyone so my challenge is to watch my own budget and make sure I'm not spending irresponsibly. (My coffee friend spends a lot on their boutique gym and keeps inviting me to join and I simply can't justify the expense. My foodie friend and I try to keep our indulgent meals to once a quarter.) Three of my mom friends and I have rented a beach house for our families for the last several summers and had to come to terms on what we could each spend and what that would mean for the rental - maybe we could get ocean front but no pool, or one more bathroom but in the second row, etc. I'm glad we could be open about what features were important and what we could spend without judgment. I feel like my parents' generation DID NOT talk about money, basically, ever.
This is great, Margaret! I think you sum it up really well!
loved this post, and i will say the financial playing field among friends in my area feels so much more leveled since I left New York City (although i still sometimes wonder with some jealousy how some of the people i know afford the vacations they take!) Since NYC isn't often an easy place to entertain in your home, it often felt like get togethers always cost money. It might also be the pandemic, but I now feel like people are much more willing to meet up for a walk or on a porch rather than a space that involves spending.
It was definitely easier to have apartment parties pre-kids. I miss get-togethers like that now that I have a little one at home.
I’ve definitely noticed more receptivity to cheap/free dates over the past few years, too! I also credit it to people realizing they can only meet up to eat/drink so often before that gets old :)
This made me think of the time when I was a young mom who had a budding friendship with an attorney married to a doctor. We used to go out for coffee, which was already a stretch for me — I didn’t really have a budget for that and was prioritizing this splurge over some real needs. She would forget her wallet or would only have a card (at a time when some places still only took cash). She did this every time! She saw my house and knew I was poor but seemed not to understand paying her way was harming me. I dropped her. I never said anything because at that point, I was still ashamed of not having money.
Ugh, Michelle! That's awful! Why do people act like that?
I suspect her level of privilege was such that it honestly never occurred to her that paying for coffee or a simple lunch could be difficult for someone. I don’t think she had bad intentions. It was “just a few bucks” in her eyes. She was otherwise really nice.
This showed up in my Substack feed and I jumped in. Well written. An aspect that has been challenging for me is how many people have felt entitled to what I have now or envied me, but never made the sacrifices to get where I am now. I hide my money so most people have no idea. Inexpensive cars, modest house, make my own clothes. I grew up very poor and am fairly frugal, although less so now.
In college I had a friend, one who I eventually stopped loaning small amounts of money to, who said she envied me my travel. I was dirt poor and worked in Europe because I could not afford to travel without someone else paying. I stayed with friends and family and I did not own a car. This friend had a money sucking car. If she had been riding the Greyhound, like me, she would have been able to travel. I was so poor the hostels were too expensive.
Currently, I have a dear friend who is as cheap as I am, a bit cheaper because she is 10 years younger and has not gone to therapy to spend more, and we can talk because our positions and risk averseness are so similar.
My childhood friend came to me when they got a windfall so she could talk through the emotional parts. We got a tech windfall, Microsoft, back in our 30's and I was able to give support. This is not something most people will give sympathy for, but it is deeply life altering. It gave us the freedom to take time off and my husband was able to go to grad school with 3 kids at home.
When I had a big house, I bought fixer uppers and fixed them up, people would treat me strangely and it was very uncomfortable.
I grew up poor due to alcoholism. I was that little kid who smelled bad that no one was allowed to play with. No one respectable, anyway, my childhood friend grew up neglected in a commune and hippies didn't bathe either. At one point I was almost homeless and I swore I would never be in that position again. It is possible to go to far, but it has given me freedom. When my husband had irreconcileable differences with his job a year and a half ago, retiring was not a problem. We are 60. One of us may work for money again, but we have options. All those expensive vacations do not give people long term options and I picture a lot of regret for those people. I also picture fear of being poor because they don't know how and are not good at it. Growing up poor can be a huge blessing.
Thanks, Liz! And thanks for sharing your story.
Great topic, thanks for covering this! I often think about that Friends episode. I find it interesting that in my circle of well-educated, middle-class people there's such a range of incomes and wealth. One friend has never made over $30K — in the SF Bay Area! — but her husband had a good government job and they bought a house when it was still possible. Others probably make around $200K — though I don't really know. Another is a retired schoolteacher and is stuck forever in her rent-controlled apartment, which is in a nice neighborhood but she can hear her neighbor snoring through the walls. Another owns two properties in SF with his wife and managed to retire at the age of 61 because they're both in tech. Others will have to work till 70 or longer. I've been up and down myself, with a stint in tech but mostly lower-paid work, so now at 62 I'm constantly fretting over money. Luckily, my friends are understanding and since covid began, we're mostly dining at one another's houses, so it hasn't been much of an issue. But I feel it, just being aware of how different all of our circumstances are.
This is helpful and interesting! My husband and I are in our early 30s, but we got married and had kids super young, so most people we spend time with are about a decade older than us. Our combined income is pretty low. I definitely struggle at times to not feel jealous of these friends and how easily they can do certain things (like go to the grocery and not worry about keeping it under a certain dollar amount!) but the core values are similar enough and we find common ground on other things - parenting style, sense of humor, etc., which provides a through-line for us all. It’s tricky at times!
Yes! Parenting style is a BIG friendship factor! I feel like there's a whole story there!!
Lindsey, this was such a fun read! Thanks so much for inviting Aja and me to be a part of it. There's no doubt there's so much to say (and I wish our conversation could've gone on even longer!), but you've done a skillful job capturing so much of the richness and nuance in the topic. xo
Thank you!
Loved reading this piece! I totally agree the NYC birthday dinners are crazy and can get so out of hand with expenses—also, NYC is one of the few places where restaurants never split the bill per person (compared to many restaurants I’ve been in other areas of the country where they happily split the bill per person and what they ordered). I have had many a dinner where we all throw down our cards at the end even though dishes/drinks varied a lot in cost
It’s rough! Although I have a funny memory of taking a group of grad students in town for AWP to Congee Village and the group trying to explain why they needed individual checks so they could get reimbursed and it was pure chaos lol 😂
First time I have seen a good reason for individual checks
Trust me as someone who worked in that industry, nobody splits the bill happily, they are being polite. Individual checks is a pet peeve of mine and I would never do that to a server. If you must, work it out among yourselves. I think this is mostly a woman thing as I never saw a group of men do that. I find it easier to go out with friends who don't keep such close tabs. I also am not about the expensive food, I want to pay for the food itself, not the tablecloth and trappings.
really love this topic as someone who does value my friendships and want to be intentional and inclusive. Not sure if you came across this NYT article about group savings accounts for friends
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/18/business/mutual-funds/saving-korea-gyemoim.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&sgrp=c-cb
Ooh, yes, someone shared and I meant to go back and read. Thanks for resharing!
I think "money well spent" is the crux here! I have no problem accepting a more expensive invitation with friends I really love, and no problem declining even a cheap invitation when I don't care to invest in the relationship. It's a gut check thing: Do I want to pursue/grow this friendship? How much or little have I gone out lately? If it's at the high end of my budget, will it be really good for my soul? Questions like that go through my mind.
My friends and I also like gathering at someone's house, having a picnic at a public park or beach, taking a coffee walk, or something else free/cheap. But I'm also pretty introverted and fulfilled by less social time than others.
Made more difficult for those of us who were brought up in a world where it wasn't done to talk about money. I've never managed to lose that discomfort.
Totally understand! It can be really uncomfortable!
I loooove this topic. Money is such a thing in friendships, and it feels like at every life stage there’s a new round of complexity. When I go through a phase of needing to forge new relationships I try to set a “new friend budget” where I might say yes to things I normally wouldn’t, explicitly for the purpose of cementing and growing a friendship vs because I want to spend money on that thing. In NYC it’s usually restaurants, but has also been as large as a weekend trip that I wouldn’t otherwise prioritize right now. I also try to be open and honest with new friends when something is out of the ordinary or a splurge for me/us. Not in an over the top way or repeatedly, but I do try to set expectations that a certain restaurant is a once a year thing for me vs more often, or I’ll cheerily say they should invite a different friend to XYZ if they mention it but I’m their go to for happy hour or $2 taco Tuesdays. Usually they respond enthusiastically and it helps set expectations moving forward, and then I try to come up with concrete ideas really soon.
It’s been interesting bc having small kids has meant that 90% of my socializing is cheaper than ever because it happens at the park or playground and is 100% free. But 10% is much more expensive than ever because all of the parent friends make such differing amounts of money and are in different life stages. When we all figured out a kid free night to go out to dinner, the restaurant choice was one that would be an anniversary celebration for my husband and I, but was a pretty normal night out for everyone else. I try not to always be the “planner,” I do try to jump in with an early suggestion because oftentimes people are happy to not have to plan.
I have also found that in the right friendships, getting vulnerable about money has helped us grow closer even with a huge disparity between us. We’re currently in the process of buying an apartment in NYC, something that puts us in the upper echelon of money-privileged humans on the planet and also at first our friends assumed we would be buying something similar to what they own (multi-million 3-4 beds, 3 bath condos). We’re actually buying a sub 700k 2 bed/1 bath co-op. Still amazing and SO much more expensive than what most can afford! But realistically is also much lower than most families are spending in Manhattan. But both asking for advice on some of the steps of buying and then sharing more about what we could afford helped everyone get real about some of our disparities while building trust in the friendship.
Ooh this is such a good topic! As a working mom and two-income family, my biggest curiosity is always my two stay-at-home mom friends. It's none of my business, and I remind myself that whenever the thought creeps in, but naturally I can't help but wonder how they make it work.
Completely understand! This has come up in my friend group as well! Probably worth a story at some point! :)