Division of Labor No. 8: A journalist and a product manager raising a toddler in the Chicago suburbs
Not above a little ice cream bribe.
Welcome to The Purse, a reader-supported newsletter about money and women and motherhood and careers and all that good stuff!
I don’t know about you all, but July 2024 has been both the shortest and longest month that I can ever remember—at least since 2020. I’ve been completely and totally overwhelmed by the news and also completely and totally overwhelmed by my summer schedule. We’ve been traveling a lot but also working a lot, and I feel epically behind on everything because I haven’t had a real weekend at home for the last month. Not good, my friends. Not good at all.
I’m writing this intro on Tuesday evening, which is unusual for me. I’m a morning writer for one. And I’m not usually so late finishing up my newsletters. I have so many things I want to say, but I’m just going to hold onto it for another day, when I’m not feeling quite so burned out. Anyone else suffering from a bit of midsummer exhaustion? Part of me feels bad we haven’t done more fun summer things (Coney Island and ice cream from Mr. Softee and lazy evenings with friends), and part of me is just ready for the fall, with a regular school schedule and some cooler days. How are you all feeling?
This being the last day of July, it’s also the last chance to sign up as a paid subscriber to be entered to win our very fun sweepstakes. I’m teaming up with my friend Alison Morris Roslyn, founder of Francey Not Fancy. We’re giving away a Summer in a Bottle prize pack, which includes all four wines in Wölffer Estate’s Summer in a Bottle lineup: Summer in a Bottle White, Summer in a Bottle Long Island Sauvignon Blanc 2023, Summer in a Bottle Long Island Rosé, and Summer in a Bottle Côtes de Provence Rosé. Upgrade to paid and sign up for Francey Not Fancy’s free newsletter, One Thing About Wine, to win.1
I’m excited for today’s Division of Labor, featuring my former Fortune colleague L’Oreal Thompson Payton; her husband, Jeff; and their adorable toddler daughter.
L’Oreal is a woman who truly seems to do everything. She’s an award-winning journalist, keynote speaker, book coach, and yoga instructor. She also writes the
newsletter and is the author of Stop Waiting for Perfect. I love L’Oreal’s newsletter because she talks so frankly about ambition, motherhood, burnout, and striving for balance.Okay, I’ll let L’Oreal and Jeff take it from here!
Name: L’Oreal Thompson Payton
Age: 36
Spouse’s Name: Jeff Payton
Spouse’s Age: 40
Number of children and their ages: One toddler
Your job and how many hours your work per week: Full-time freelance writer and author (and speaker and yoga teacher and writing coach), 30–40 hours per week
Your spouse’s job and how many hours they work per week: Product manager, 40–50 hours per week
Type of childcare you use: Full-time daycare
How do you split up household responsibilities: It’s an ongoing conversation, and we’ve had to change things up a few times since our daughter was born, but typically we tend to go based on each other’s strengths and availability. For example, I (L’Oreal) do not enjoy cooking. It just doesn’t bring me any pleasure, and I’m usually too hangry by the time I decide to start cooking to actually enjoy it.
Jeff, however, loves cooking (it relaxes him, whereas it stresses me out). So he typically makes the grocery list and meal plan for the week, and I go grocery shopping because I have more flexibility in my schedule.
We used to alternate who does the bedtime routine (after two years of breastfeeding, and Jeff being the one who primarily put her down after I finished nursing); however, we recently discovered that Violet falls asleep faster when Jeff puts her down instead of me, so now he’s primarily in charge of bedtime.
We also used to alternate daycare pickup and drop-off based on Jeff’s work-from-home schedule (he’s required to be in the office three days a week); however, I’ve started doing drop-off on his WFH days as a tradeoff to bedtime.
What labor do you outsource? (Nanny, daycare, housekeeper, babysitter, virtual assistant, gardener, or even apps like Instacart for easier grocery shopping)
Daycare (Monday to Friday)
Babysitter (once every two months or so, for special occasions/date night)
Cleaners (Once every two to three months, also for special occasions/family visits)
How did you decide who does what: Usually based on who has the capacity to fulfill the task. Lately, Violet has had a hard time falling asleep when I do the nighttime routine, so we have switched to where Jeff handles the nighttime routine, and I do the morning.
Can you share one “parenting hack” that’s worked for your family: Uhhh, I don’t know if it’s really a “hack,” per se. But given the cost of babysitters in our area ($20–$25/hour), we often opt for day dates whenever the calendar aligns that daycare is in session but we’re off for the day. It only happens a few times a year, but recently this fell on Juneteenth. We went for coffee, saw the new Bad Boys movie, and then went to lunch. I got the idea from a college friend who says she and her husband take off one day per quarter (or month?) when the kids are in school to go on a day date. Definitely saves money while also giving us the chance to reconnect outside of the day-to-day responsibilities!
Do you feel like it’s a fair division of labor: There’s a lot of ebb and flow. Nothing is ever 50/50. But more like 70/30 or 60/40 depending on what’s going on and who’s having an especially busy season at work (like Jeff is right now, and like I was during my book tour/promo last year). There is a lot of negotiating and conversation, but we try to make sure both of us have ample time away from parenting/household obligations to feel like complete people outside of our role as partners and parents.
L’Oreal and Jeff shared a recent weekday.
6:30 a.m.
Jeff: Alarm goes off, and I hit snooze.
7:00 a.m.
L’Oreal: Alarm goes off. I press snooze three times, and Jeff and I discuss the day ahead, including experimenting with our daughter’s wake-up time. She’s been super cranky in the mornings, so we’re letting her sleep in to see if that changes anything, which means Jeff will walk to the train instead of me dropping him off like we’ve been doing.
Jeff: L’Oreal’s alarm goes off, so I usually get out of bed at this time. L’Oreal and I chat about the day’s tasks at hand, and I start getting dressed for work.
7:30 a.m.
L’Oreal: Finally get out of bed, get ready for the day, brush my teeth, get dressed, read devotionals, make last-minute changes to my weekly newsletter.
Jeff: Get dressed for work.
8:00 a.m.
L’Oreal: Violet wakes up in a pretty good mood, and we cuddle for a bit on the rocking chair before getting ready for daycare. Then we get a strawberry bar from the kitchen, and Jeff gets her dressed while I pack Violet’s backpack for daycare.
Jeff: Continue getting dressed and help L’Oreal with Violet. Leave the house for the train.
8:30 a.m.
L’Oreal: Drive to daycare.
Jeff: Walk to train/commute to work.
9:00 a.m.
L’Oreal: Grocery shopping.
Jeff: My first Zoom meeting of the day. I take the call from the train.
9:30 a.m.
L’Oreal: Drive home, unload groceries.
Jeff: Zoom meeting continues; arrive at the office.
10:00 a.m.
L’Oreal: Consultation with a potential book-coaching client. Helping writers achieve their goals is one of my greatest joys—whether it’s learning to make a living as a freelance writer or writing their first book.
Jeff: Zoom ends.
10:30 a.m.
L’Oreal: Workout—Peloton ride and light arms and shoulders class.
Jeff: I check emails, then we have a team check-in to discuss the day’s tasks.
11:00 a.m.
L’Oreal: Shower.
Jeff: Team meeting continues.
11:30 a.m.
L’Oreal: Watch replay of a webinar I missed yesterday about midyear planning.
Jeff: Team meeting ends; I map out a plan for the day.
12:00 p.m.
L’Oreal: Eat a pesto chicken wrap from Trader Joe’s for lunch and continue watching the webinar.
Jeff: Another meeting to discuss an upcoming presentation. (It lasts an hour.)
12:30 p.m.
L’Oreal: I have a call with a nonprofit client to map out a yoga, meditation, and guided journaling workshop that I will lead for members of their Bloom Network for Black women in Chicago.
1:00 p.m.
L’Oreal: Send emails to subjects for two stories I’m working on.
Jeff: Meeting ends; work block starts.
1:30 p.m.
L’Oreal: More emails and admin.
Jeff: Grab lunch before a therapy appointment.
2:00 p.m.
L’Oreal: Therapy. (We’re in therapy at the same time, but they’re individual sessions. It’s just a coincidence they fall at the same time.)
Jeff: Therapy.
3:00 p.m.
L’Oreal: Email.
Jeff: Work block until end of day.
4:00 p.m.
L’Oreal: Watch Summer House: Martha’s Vineyard in the background while finishing up work.
4:30 p.m.
L’Oreal: Get ready for daycare pickup.
Jeff: Pack up things to leave, head to train for evening commute. I listen to the audiobook version of On Target, which is an American spy/CIA operative novel by Mark Greaney.
5:00 p.m.
L’Oreal: Pickup Violet from her daycare that she started going to last week. This is only her fourth full day there, though, because we drove to Ohio to visit Jeff’s family over the Fourth of July holiday. So far she’s loving her new class and her new teachers (and we are, too)! It helps that there are a couple of kids from her previous daycare, too. Today they’re outside running around at the tot lot when I go to pick her up, and she runs over to me screaming “Mommy!” when she sees me. I spend a few minutes chatting with her teachers about her day, and they say she had a good day, per usual.
Jeff: Commute home.
5:30 p.m.
L’Oreal: Briefly meet up with a couple of my mom friends. There’s a new walking club that’s meeting at a coffee shop before a three-mile walk along Lake Michigan. I forgot to bring Violet’s stroller, and I’m not wearing walking shoes, so we just chat for a while before everyone else takes off for the walk.
6:00 p.m.
L’Oreal: I bribed Violet with gelato before we met up with my friends (she recognized the storefront as soon as we parked), so we cross the street as everyone leaves for the walk, and we share a small vanilla gelato (although she eats most of it).
Jeff: Make it home.
6:30 p.m.
L’Oreal: Drive home.
7:00 p.m.
L’Oreal: Take Violet to play with our downstairs neighbor’s kid.
Jeff: Start dinner. Tonight it’s the pasta alla vodka recipe from Bon Appetit (minus the vodka).
7:30 p.m.
L’Oreal: Eat dinner.
Jeff: Eat dinner.
8:00 p.m.
Jeff: We FaceTime my mom.
8:30 p.m.
L’Oreal: Help Jeff get Violet ready for bed.
Jeff: Bedtime routine starts for Violet (diaper change, put pj’s on, pick out books to read).
9:00 p.m.
L’Oreal: Shower.
Jeff: Bedtime routine continues.
9:30 p.m.
L’Oreal: Scroll social media.
Jeff: Violet falls asleep.
10:00 p.m.
L’Oreal: Finish This Could Be Us by Ryan Kennedy.
10:30 p.m.
L’Oreal: Book manicure and pedicure for Friday.
11:00 p.m.
L’Oreal: Sleep.
Jeff: Sleep.
Thank you so much, Jeff and L’Oreal! And subscribe to L’Oreal’s newsletter! You won’t regret it!
If you’re interested in submitting to Division of Labor, please fill out this brief survey, and I will reach out.
**Sponsored**
To those with divorce in the picture: It may not feel like it right now, but you’ve got this. Ellevest—the financial company built by women, for women—is here to help reclaim your financial future and create a plan for financial independence. Wherever you are in the process, learn how Ellevest can help you plan for a positive outcome.
More on The Purse
The sweepstakes is limited to readers within the U.S. It closes at 11:59 p.m. ET on July 31, 2024. To enter without upgrading to a paid subscription, please reply to this email by 11:59 p.m. ET on July 31, 2024, that you would like to be entered in the sweepstakes. If there’s any further questions, simply respond to this email and I will do my best to answer them.
Loved this! Finally a lifestyle that feels attainable and balanced. Sometimes I don’t know how the families featured in Division of Labor manage to keep up.
Thank you so much for sharing a day in our lives! 🥰