Division of Labor No. 9: Small Business Owners Raising 2 Young Kids in Bend, Oregon

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I had planned to write about the cost of vacations this week, but my kiddo got Covid (he’s okay!), and my schedule went out the window. It’s hard to write! And it’s even harder when you’ve got a sick kid to care for. Thankfully,

Jenni Gritters

turned in her edition of Division of Labor two full days early, and I was able to make a quick pivot. And I managed to finagle a credit for the bajillion dollars I spent on camp this week that my kid now can’t attend. I’m taking the wins where I can find them. (Also, I still plan to write about vacations next week!)

Before I jump into Jenni’s wonderful DoL, I wanted to re-up last weekend’s paid edition of Home Economics. It didn’t get as much love as I expected, and I’m going to blame the bad headline. This is a fun one! As one reader commented, “This story has it all! The highs! The lows! The surprising twist ending! Jeez Louise, I’m gonna need to go lay down to recover from this one.” 

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Home Economics No. 11: Independent Insurance Adjusters Living Full-Time in Their RV on $9,100 a Month

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Also, I feel like I’ve been a real taskmaster about the comments, telling everyone to “be nice.” You all are nice, and I’m sorry that I’ve been harping on it. I just care about the community we’re building, but I will try not to be such a nag going forward.

Okay, on that note, here’s today’s Division of Labor, featuring Jenni and Sean Gritters, small business owners who are raising two young children in Bend, Ore. Enjoy!

Interesting in sharing your own division of labor? Fill out this form, and I’ll get back to you!

Name: Jenni Gritters
Age: 34
Spouse’s Name: Sean Gritters
Spouse’s Age: 34
Number of children and their ages (can be nonspecific and say “toddler, baby, school-aged, etc.) Liam, age 4.5, and Lily, age 2

Your job and how many hours you work per week: I’m a business coach who helps solopreneurs build simple, sustainable businesses. I was a journalist for a decade-plus before starting my coaching practice. My husband and I also run a content agency called the Riverwoods Media Group, which helps solopreneurs create expertise-driven content, rebrand, redo their websites, and launch podcasts and newsletters. In total, I work about 25 hours per week (less in the summer). I’m only online Monday through Thursdays.

I also run a Substack called The Third Door, which is all about taking the third option in business and life, when you’re presented with only two “standard” choices.

Your spouse’s job and how many hours they work per week: Sean is in a bit of a career transition. He spent a decade working as a critical care nurse—a job he left last year when he became burned out, and we realized we couldn’t care for two kids well, and make enough money, if he was working 60 hours per week at the hospital. Now, he takes a few per diem shifts (about one day per week) at a local clinic. He’s also a website designer and podcast producer for our agency, and he ran operations for my coaching business for a while; we just hired someone else to take that over, though, which is a big win for both of us!

Type of childcare you use: Liam, our 4.5-year-old, is in full-time preschool pretty much year round, from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. We love his Montessori program. Lily, who’s 2, goes to a daycare on Mondays and Tuesdays. Then we each take a day with her (Sean takes Wednesdays, I takes Fridays), and my parents, who live nearby, try to watch her on Thursdays. Sometimes we end up splitting Thursdays if my parents can’t watch her.

How do you split up household responsibilities: This changed a lot when Sean left his nursing job. Previously, I was cooking, cleaning, running my freelance writing business, and pretty much handling 90% of the kid logistics (drop-offs, pickups, dealing with sick days). However, once Sean left his job, he took over a huge amount of the household labor while I grew my business (now our business) to make up for the revenue we lost when he left his job.

Now, he is responsible for cooking three nights per week, and I cook for the other three. He does all the grocery shopping and most of the laundry, as well as the yard work. (We live on an acre in the woods, so it’s a ton of work.) He also does more of the kids’ drop-offs and pickups than I do. I deal with purchasing things the kids need, tidying up the house on the days I work from home, and planning vacations or other scheduling issues. We both jump in as needed, though, depending on the season the other person is in with their work.

What labor do you outsource? (Nanny, daycare, housekeeper, babysitter, virtual assistant, gardener, or even apps like Instacart for easier grocery shopping) We outsource a lot of our childcare. In addition to both kids being in school during parts of the week, we try to go on date nights twice per month, so we have babysitters to help with that. My parents also help in a pinch. We have cleaners come in once per month, just to do a big base clean. Kids are so messy! And I have two contractors who support me in our business, too. We also both have coaches of our own, to help us with personal development and professional growth, and we see a therapist together.

How did you decide who does what: When we first became parents, the load was really uneven. I remember writing down everything I was doing on a piece of paper when my son was six months old, then handing it to Sean because I needed him to see how unfair the balance was. But the truth was that his 60-hour-per-week hospital job didn’t allow him the bandwidth to be super present with household tasks, and I had a lot more flexibility. (I have been self-employed since 2018.)

After Sean left his job in 2023, we had a huge sit-down conversation about how the household management would be divided up. I have less of the load now—my duties in the business now take more of my bandwidth—and he has more, but I think we feel like it’s incredibly equitable from an energy standpoint. We also check in on Sunday nights to make sure we both feel supported for the week ahead.

Can you share one “parenting hack” that works for your family: We are super clear on our priorities (our own well-being, then our marriage, then the kids, then our community, then work) and make sure that we’re choosing what’s important to us when making decisions. Along with that, we each try to take one evening off from parenting per week, plus we each take a solo overnight at a hotel each month (which we book using credit card points). And we aim for an overnight away together, just us, each quarter.

Having time to be a human outside of parenting and outside of work may not be a traditional “hack,” but it has kept us both feeling fulfilled in a way we weren’t before, and it gives us a lot more energy for the kids and each other.

Do you feel like it’s a fair division of labor: Yes. It’s taken a long time to get here, though! This new setup was a relief for both of us because we were totally drowning after we had a second kid.

Anything else you’d like to share? We’ve made a lot of nontraditional decisions to get to this place of “balance” and freedom. Sean took a three-month leave of absence before actually leaving his job in 2023 so we could test the finances. It meant I had to scale my business way up, which was a cool challenge and also somewhat terrifying.

I really believe there’s no right answer for “how” to set up your life with two careers and two small kids, but I’m all about making radical choices that give you that “I’m getting away with something!!” feeling. The risks we’ve taken—because we believed this season of parenting small kids could actually feel like joy and not suffering—have almost always worked out. I’m in a season of feeling really grateful for that.

Jenni and Sean shared a Tuesday in August.

6:30 a.m.

Jenni: The alarm goes off, and it’s not as painful as usual because I went to bed on the earlier side last night, around 10 p.m. I roll out of bed and brush my teeth. Then I get back in bed and pull out my phone for a five-minute breathwork session, trying not to read my emails. I set an intention for the day (“I am honest”) and write down what I need to make my day feel good.

Sean: Since I was up late last night at band practice, my alarm wakes me up. When I go to bed at a decent time, my body usually wakes me up before my alarm. I immediately get up and make sure Jenni is awake as well. After brushing my teeth, I go out to the armchair in the family room and sit to gather my thoughts.

7:00 a.m.

Jenni: I want to go running but the AQI (air quality) is bad—summer in the mountains is smoky—so I turn on a 30-minute heavy weights class. Around 7:05 a.m., I can hear the kids wake up. We’ve trained them to stay in their rooms until 7:30 a.m., with a “red light/green light” system, but that doesn’t prevent them from being loud. My daughter is shout-singing “happy birthday.” (It’s pretty cute and funny.) I’m done with my workout by 7:30 a.m. I feel a lot better, even though I usually hate the beginning of a morning workout.

Sean: I would like to go to gym or on a run in the neighborhood, but the smoke is bad this morning, so I give it a pass. Both kids are up and bumping around in their rooms. Liam is playing with his Magnatiles and Lily is singing something in her own language. I’ve had my iced coffee, and I’m fully awake.

7:30 a.m.

Jenni: Sean goes into the kids’ rooms to get them up while I start making breakfasts and packing lunches. 

We haven’t potty-trained our two-year-old yet, but she’s really ready. Sean finds her without a diaper on, with a wet bed. Sigh. Time for laundry.

I also let our dog, Gavyn, out to pee, and I pour his breakfast. He’s a nine-year-old border collie-lab mix who we adopted right before we got married. 

Sean: Lily’s babble becomes higher pitched, and I can tell something is up. I go into her room, and it turns out she’s taken off her diaper and peed in the bed. The whole thing goes in the wash, and we let her be naked to dry out. Oh, and she has some pee in her hair. I take the win that it’s not out the other end. I also make sure Liam is out of bed and getting dressed.

8:00 a.m.

Jenni: Everyone has eaten breakfast and the kids are dressed, so I take a quick shower. The kids ride bikes in the driveway while Sean finishes getting ready. I love where we live—it’s quiet and safe, so I don’t have to worry about the kids when they’re playing in the yard.

Sean: Breakfast has been made and (mostly) consumed, and the lunches for both kiddos are made and packed. Like most mornings, I like to sit and read the news while eating. Both kids are dressed and fed, so they head outside to bike around before we leave.

8:30 a.m.

Jenni: The kids head out with Sean. This is my favorite time of the day! We share a coworking space membership, so usually one of us works from our home office while the other is there. Today is my day to work from home.

I sit down at my desk with a smoothie. Usually, I don’t have calls until 10 a.m., but you’re catching me on a day that’s full of back-to-back coaching sessions. The kids don’t have school at the end of August, so I won’t be working for about a week and a half, and I had to move a few clients to today. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my coaching days.

I listen to a Voxer (voice memo) message from my coach, reminding me to ground myself. She says: “The chaotic energy is something you can choose not to take on.” It’s the right message for today.

Before my calls, I prep a loaf of sourdough bread. I like to bake when I work from home; it’s grounding and creative.

I also take about 10 minutes to record video content for a brand sponsor I’ve been working with. My hair is wet, and I’m wearing a T-shirt, but I’ve learned that in this season, I don’t need to look fancy every day when I show up online. It’s a relief to lower the bar. (And my clients actually love seeing the “real” me!)

Sean: It’s my morning for drop-off, and I’m going to our coworking space. The kids and I are packed in the car and heading into town. Lily gets dropped off first, and Liam always comes in with us. Her teachers welcome her, and she runs right in as Liam and I say goodbye. 

I get Liam back in the car and head to his school, about eight minutes away. We can’t go into the garage at his Montessori school because the smoke is bad. We go in the front door and are immediately greeted by a gaggle of 3/4/5-year-olds. 

One of Liam’s teachers tells me about some of his more funny antics; I kiss his shaggy red hair, he hugs me, and I leave.

9:00 a.m.

Jenni: My first meeting of the day is with a high-powered COO who wants to become a thought leader. We chat about the things she needs (clarity on her next steps, some conversation about her personal brand) and make a game plan to do a strategy session together. Our content agency helps people like her develop thought leadership, so we’ll likely support her as a team after this initial session, which is only with me. I email Sean with details about the call, since he’ll likely develop her website later this fall.

Sean: I pull into the parking lot of the coworking space and make my way in. I’m greeted by the front desk, I get the WiFi password for the day, and I find a spot to work.

I find an open table in the library and run into a couple of office friends, talk some shop, and then unpack my office set up. 

After setting up, I make sure to grab a big bottle of water and some of the nitro cold brew coffee. 

9:30 a.m.

Jenni: I chat with a former client of mine who’s ready to come back in for some coaching. She has a really cool business model—a consultancy and a writing program that supports people after they finish their MFA—and she’s ready to level-up in her business. We also land on doing a 90-minute strategy session together. I’m smiling as I get off the call because I adore her approach to work, and it’s a dream to be able to help her refine her business.

Sean: I comb through emails from EOD yesterday and anything received outside my normal working hours. 

I double-check with Jenni that she doesn’t need me for the live group coaching session and begin working through my work checklist.

I find that one of our current web-design clients wants to go in a different direction regarding the design of her site. I respond to her message and begin work making changes to her site, according to her feedback. 

10:00 a.m.

Jenni: My bread timer goes off, and I run into the kitchen to grab it out of the oven. As I’m walking out, I notice that there are two baby deer in the yard. They’re so cute! I risk being three minutes late to my next call just because I want to watch them bounce around.

I run a group coaching program for solopreneurs called SUSTAIN. My next call is with them! Twenty of the members join, and I spend an hour coaching them.

Sean: I get a reminder that I have a call at noon with Jenni’s new assistant, and I make sure she has a Zoom link. 

I continue my web-design work. 

10:30 a.m.

Jenni: Still coaching the group! We talk about practicalities like building an email list, as well as money and pricing, and how to deal with a lack of motivation.

11:00 a.m.

Jenni: I usually don’t stack my client calls quite so close together, but I’m already on to the next one. This time, I’m meeting with a longtime client who finished a fellowship and wants to lean into her brand as a business owner and podcast producer. We’re setting goals, talking about her website, and dreaming bigger about the impacts she can make. She’s made a TON of progress this year, and it’s great to get updates. I feel like a proud mom.

Sean: Since I have a call at noon, I make sure to eat lunch on the earlier side. There’s nothing worse than being hangry for a client call. Quiche and pretzels are on the menu today. 

I take a quick break from work and watch a mini-documentary on history while I eat.

11:30 a.m.

Jenni: I sneak in time for lunch—sautéed veggies, burrata, and sourdough toast—between calls. I also check my daughter’s daycare app to see what she’s up to.

Sean: I keep working on the web design leading up to my call at noon.

12:00 p.m.

Jenni: My next call is with a media freelancer who has started to identify patterns of overwork and wants to change her whole business model, inspired by having a child. We’ve been working together for a while—mainly to uncover those old patterns related to overwork—and our sessions are deeply rewarding for both of us. Today, we wireframe a new business model for her that would allow her more ease. She leaves feeling excited and confident about her expertise.

Sean: I meet with Jenni’s new assistant. We discuss my role—now her role—and what she does during, before, and after Jenni’s live sessions. 

12:30 p.m.

Jenni: After that coaching call, I have a quick moment to answer a few scheduling emails, then I pack a bag so I can hop in the car right after my final call. We have marriage therapy today!

Sean: During the call, I receive a notification from Jenni that the cloud recording from her live session that morning is available. I get to work downloading, processing, producing, and uploading the audio and video files into our SaaS system for our clients to access. 

1:00 p.m.

Jenni: My last coaching call is with an amazing business owner who is completely pivoting her business and redesigning her website. She’s in my group coaching program, but she booked a one-on-one call to get some strategic support. I’m obsessed with her human-first approach to really technical practices, and we talk about how she can own that part of her branding. 

Sean: While the video file from the session processes, I work on giving Jenni’s new assistant access to our many, many online tools. This requires either adding her as a user or just giving her our credentials for login.

1:30 p.m.

Jenni: The coaching call runs for 45 minutes, then I run out the door, leaving the house a total mess behind me: piles of laundry, dirty dishes. I’ll do them when I get home, in addition to gardening.

Sean: I pack up and make my way uptown to marriage therapy!

2:00 p.m.

Jenni: We recently found a new marriage therapist who’s covered by our insurance. (Huge win!) I’m only a few minutes late to our meeting, thankfully! We’re still doing the intake process, so we chat with her about our upbringings, our hopes and dreams, and our current stressors. Right now, we’re doing weekly marriage therapy to talk about how to manage two careers while caring for two kids and being well people on our own, especially as Sean sets up basically a whole new trajectory for himself. It’s been a lot to juggle. We’ve been to marriage therapy off and on throughout our 12 years together, and we find that having an actual set time and place to talk about our relationship is really helpful, especially during super busy seasons like this one.

Sean: We meet with our therapist in her lovely office above the Deschutes. We talk about our parents at first, which is interesting to go through as you start seeing parallels with your relationships. Given that we’re going through some serious transitions, this is a sacred space for Jenni and me to walk through some important stuff.

3:00 p.m.

Jenni: I listen to the Ignite Your Dream podcast by my coach, Amber Lilyestrom, while driving home. I’m exhausted from all my calls, so I decide to ignore my inbox and texts and tidy up the house.

Sean: Tuesdays = grocery days. This is in my wheelhouse and needs to be done weekly to feed the two creatures that live in our house. I head to Trader Joe’s, just a hop north from the therapist.

3:30 p.m.

Jenni: I fold the huge pile of laundry and empty and load the dishwasher, all while still listening to the podcast.

Sean: I get to TJ’s and go through my list. I know the layout well enough now that I know just about where everything is. I’m in and out, but I miss a couple of ingredients that the nearby local market has. I head over there. 

4:00 p.m.

Jenni: I have about 30 minutes until Sean will be home with Lily, so I wander out to the garden to pull weeds. We live on an acre of land, and there’s a lot of maintenance required. That work feels like a good balance alongside my online coaching work, though. It’s less cerebral and more tactile.

Sean: It’s my day to pick the kiddos up, and I head to Lily’s daycare. Liam’s Boompa (grandpa) is due to pick him up, so I head home after I grab her. I’m greeted by her at the gate, where she immediately starts crying. She had a good day but sometimes seeing your Dada can produce that kind of emotion.

4:30 p.m.

Jenni: Lily and Sean get home. Lily “helps” me garden while Sean puts away the groceries. He’s on dinner duty tonight, so I play with Lily. She brings me rocks from the garden, then puts them all back in her own bucket.

Sean: We get home! I unpack Lily first as she’ll begin to overheat immediately. She runs into the house and goes to greet the mule deer in our yard. I have to unpack the groceries as I’m making dinner for the next couple of nights. 

5:00 p.m.

Jenni: We pull out the Play-Doh. This holds her attention for much longer than usual, so I get to read a few of the newsletters I’ve saved in my inbox, plus plan out my schedule for tomorrow. Sean is prepping dinner, so we chat a bit about our plan for the rest of the week.

Sean: I start prepping the basil fried rice recipe in one of Jenni’s Bon Appetit magazines. These recipes are gold and make for fun cooking. Jenni and I go back and forth about that week’s events. 

5:30 p.m.

Jenni: My dad brings Liam home. My parents live nearby (a huge privilege) and pick Liam up from school one day per week for some special time. Today, they stopped for ice cream.

The kids ride bikes in the driveway while I sit and read and Sean cooks.

Sean: Boompa and Liam get home from being out and about after school. They went to Handel’s for ice cream, and now he’s biking around in the yard. I’m still getting dinner ready.

6:00 p.m.

Jenni: Sean made us basil fried rice from the most recent Bon Appetit issue. He started cooking a lot more after leaving his job last year, and it’s the best. He’s really good at it!

We watch the rest of A Bug’s Life as a family while eating our dinners. (Despite being presented with fried rice, the kids share an entire carton of blueberries and nothing else. Toddlers!!!) We pick one night per week to have a family movie night, and it’s genuinely fun for all of us.

Sean: Since I had started A Bug’s Life with Liam earlier in the week, we decide to watch the rest this evening. This movie is a lot funnier than I remember, and it occurs to me that I just didn’t understand the humor as a kid watching it for the first time.

6:30 p.m.

Jenni: At 6:45 p.m., the kids jump in the bath. This is their happy place. They’ll play in there for as long as we let them. I monitor bath time and prep their rooms for bedtime while Sean finishes up the dishes. (Thankfully, there are only a few left since I did most of them before he got home.)

Sean: Pixar movies are short, so it’s already bath time, and Liam is sore about it. Jenni did a solid and cleaned the kitchen a bit earlier. Dinner cleanup is pretty quick.

7:00 p.m.

Jenni: It’s bedtime for the kids. Sean reads to Liam in his room while I read to Lily in her’s. We give them both hugs and kisses. They won’t go to bed immediately—both will sing and play in their beds for about 30 minutes—but we both crave quiet evenings.

Sean: It’s my turn with Liam for a book at bedtime, and he chooses a Dr. Seuss book. These are short, and he wants another one, but unfortunately, one book is the agreement. He acquiesces and gets a song. He’s immediately asleep.

7:30 p.m.

Jenni: We talk a little bit about our therapy session and check in about each other’s days; then I do a bit of newsletter writing.

Sean: I take a shower and get ready for the evening.

8:00 p.m.

Jenni: I make us a pot of tea, and we snuggle up on the couch to watch a super heartwarming documentary on Netflix about the science of dogs. We have a busy schedule this week, and this is the only evening we’ll be home together, between Sean’s band practices for an upcoming gig, my yoga class tomorrow night, and a trip he has coming up.

Sean: The dog documentary we watch makes us both weep and crack up in the same 45 minutes. I’m thinking through the list of work/band/kids/travel that this week has in store. We also do a little vibe check with each other. This is a lovely little ritual that keeps us both in tune with the other.

9:00 p.m.

Jenni: The documentary ends. I feed my sourdough starter, then wander toward bed. I’m exhausted—today was a good one but super full. I’m out of words.

Sean: I get the house prepped for the night. This means turning off the lights and AC and taking the dog out one last time. Since he often chases mule deer, he needs to be on a leash. He flops down onto his blanket with a groan. 

9:30 p.m.

Jenni: I read The Housemaid, a fun thriller (fiction at bedtime is my favorite way to slow my brain down), then take a magnesium gummy, which makes me nice and sleepy.

Sean: I brush my teeth, change, and get into bed. I put on my earbuds and watch something mindless for 20 minutes before turning out the light. I check in with Jenni about tomorrow’s plans, and we call it a night.

10:00 p.m.

Jenni: I’m asleep.

Sean: I’m usually out in five to ten minutes, and tonight is no exception. We’re both exhausted.

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Thank you so much, Jenni and Sean! And don’t forget you can sign up for Jenni’s newsletter, The Third Door.

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