Home Economics No. 5: Living in the New Jersey Suburbs on a $800K Joint Income

$4,400 for the mortgage, $5,200 for the nanny, and $250 for self-care.

Welcome to The Purse, a newsletter about money and women and motherhood and careers and all that good stuff!

Hello! And welcome back to The Purse! Before I dive into this week’s Home Economics (yes, that’s a big income in the subject line!), I want to remind you lovely readers that for every new subscriber who signs up for an annual subscription, I’m donating $5 to the nonprofit Chamber of Mothers, now through May 31. So far eight of you have taken me up on the offer—but I think as a community we can do a little better than that! 🙂

I also have a quick question. I’m approaching the one-year anniversary of The Purse (woo-hoo!), and I’m thinking of having a little event in NYC to celebrate. NYC-based readers, let me know if you’re interested!

Now, on to the reason you all opened this newsletter in the first place!

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Home Economics No. 5

I haven’t featured a high-earning mother since the first Home Economics went sort of viral and hundreds of people felt like they needed to tell me in the comments that the series wasn’t relatable because it featured a woman earning over $200k a year. Readers who’ve been here for a while know that I pay very close attention to the comments, and I reply to nearly all of them. I really like to know what you all think, and in some cases, I apply it to the work I do. It was a conversation in the comments that inspired “Divorced in Colorado” to share her story! I love that!

I want to feature all kinds of women earning all kinds of salaries in Home Economics, but I’ve got to be honest, “relatability” is not necessarily my goal here. I see Home Ec as having a few purposes. One is simply that it’s fun to see how other people live and choose to spend their money, even if it doesn’t look exactly like my life. Two, I want to highlight women across the economic spectrum and examine how they make it work (or don’t), and that includes women who earn a lot (or whose partners earn a lot). 

I’m not here to make some grand moral judgment on the lives of the rich or the poor, but I’m also well aware of how privilege and generational wealth have a huge impact on earning potential and financial success. I try to make sure the women featured here are forthcoming about their privilege, but I also hope this series shows that regardless of how much you make, it’s likely you’ll always be worried about something and have some sort of money stressor(s). Also, I think some of the negative comments around women who earn big salaries can be just downright sexist. 

This is all a wordy way of saying that I love a vibrant comments section, but please remember that today’s “New Jersey Working Mom” is a real person (and also I’m a real person, LOL). Post with kindness. As someone said to me once, don’t write it in an email if you wouldn’t want it published on the front page of The New York Times. Same goes for this comment section!

Want to submit your own money story? (It’s anonymous!)
Fill out our HOME ECONOMICS form.

Age: 33
Location: New Jersey
Relationship status: Married
Age of partner: 33

About me: Former bona fide city girl turned suburban mom, currently balancing a consulting career with hands-on parenting.

Income:

1. Your job title/salary: Consultant, $200,000 + performance-based bonus. Last year, my bonus was $75,000. (My bonus varies a lot from year to year. Last year it was very high; during the first year of the pandemic, it was $10,000.)

2. Partner’s job title/salary: Finance, $600,000 + performance-based bonus. (Like mine, his bonus varies from year to year, so we don’t factor them in when making our financial plans.)

3. Your monthly take-home pay (paycheck amount after taxes and other deductions): $10,816

4. Partner’s monthly take-home pay (paycheck amount after taxes and other deductions): Around $30,000. (We do not have shared finances.)

5. Total monthly income: ~$40,000

Account balances:

Note from today’s contributor: My husband and I keep our finances completely separate, so the numbers below reflect just my accounts. 

6. Checking account balance: My checking account: $50,000 (includes emergency fund); my husband’s is roughly double. We keep a lot in cash because we prioritize having large emergency funds, which is a hangover from the pandemic when both of our jobs felt unstable.

7. Savings account balance: $2,000

8. High-yield savings account balance: N/A (My current banks don’t offer this.)

9. Monthly contribution to savings account: N/A

10. Retirement account(s) balance: 

    • 401(k): $205,000

    • IRA: $15,000 

11. Monthly contribution to retirement accounts: $1,875 to 401(k) to hit 2024 max contribution

12. Investment account balance: $365,000

13. Monthly contribution to investment accounts: $2,500

14. 529 account balance: $130,000

15. Monthly contribution to 529: $1,500 to hit 2024 max contribution

16. Emergency fund balance: N/A

17. Goals-oriented savings account balance: N/A
    

    Total cash, savings, and investments: $767,000

Note from today’s contributor: My husband and I split the expenses below, but they are listed as the total amount (so our total mortgage is $4,400, but I pay $1,100 for example) with a few exceptions (food, clothing, personal care). All expenses are monthly, unless otherwise specified.

Housing:

18. Size of your home: We live in a 4-bedroom, 2.5-bath house in the New Jersey suburbs.

19. Mortgage: $4,400

20. Current home value: $1.4 million

21. Current mortgage balance: $836,000

22. Year you bought your home: 2019

23. Price you paid for your home: $1.15 million

24. Mortgage interest rate: 2.85%

25. Home taxes: $2,000 

26. Home insurance: Built into mortgage payment

27. Electricity and natural gas: $350

28. Water: $50

29. Internet: $222

30. Housekeeper: $300 (for two visits a month)

31. Gardener: $350 a month (They come weekly between late spring and late fall to mow the lawn, do leaf clean-up, mulch, etc.)

32. Cell Phone: $82 (This is my bill for my cell phone; my husband’s company covers the cost of his cell phone.)

Transportation:

33. Monthly car payment: $900 (We only have one car, and I believe it’s a six-year lease. This isn’t an expense I “own,” so I’m not as familiar with the details.)

34. Car insurance: $130

35. Gas: N/A (It’s an electric vehicle.)

36. Monthly public transportation: $50 (I often work from home.)

37. Ride shares (Uber, taxi, etc.): $200

Children:

38. Number of children and their ages: 1 child (baby)

39. Nanny: $5,200

40. Extracurricular activities: $200

Debts:

41. Student loan total balance: $0 (I didn’t have student loans because my parents were able to afford to pay for my college tuition.)

Food:

42. Groceries: $350 (only covers me and my child)

43. Dining out: $200 on average (only for me)

Socializing and Entertainment:

44. Subscriptions (streaming services, magazines, etc.): $75 (This includes Netflix, AppleTV, Hulu bundled with Spotify, Peacock, HBO Max, Prime Video.)

45. Memberships (museums, social clubs, etc.): $0

46. Movies, concerts, other events: $0 (I wait until I can watch movies on streaming; with the exception of the Barbie movie, I haven't gone to a movie theater in years!)

47. Entertaining and socializing: $200 (I like to host family and friends on weekends at our home, since it can be challenging to go out or to others’ homes with our baby.)

Miscellaneous:

48. Clothing: $200 on average (This includes clothes for my son. I strive for a minimalist wardrobe, so I focus on replacing workhorse items. I will do a month of a clothing-rental service when I have a lot of events concentrated within a specific time period.)

49. Home supplies: My husband buys these sorts of things through Amazon, and then I reimburse him when we figure out our expenses.

50. Exercise: $21 for lowest credit option on ClassPass; I also use the ç app, but my company reimburses me for that expense.

51. Personal and self-care: $250 on average (This covers occasional haircuts, manicures, waxing, facials, and massage throughout the year, as well as some more expensive noninvasive procedures like a Clear + Brilliant facial or microneedling, which I don’t do very often.)

52. Pet products and insurance: My husband covers pet expenses, and I reimburse him when we figure out our expenses.

53. Donations: $200

54. Events: $200 on average (Includes gifts for holidays and events.)

55. Travel¹: I love to travel, both with my family and on my own with friends. So far this year, I’ve taken two trips:

    • Ski trip with my family: $2,000 for flights, ski pass, meals, and other expenses throughout the trip; my parents were traveling with us and covered the cost of accommodations.

    • Girls trip to Mexico: $4,000 total for flights, accommodations, and all expenses; my friend and I stayed at an outrageously expensive hotel, which we had been wanting to visit together for years; it was incredible, and it will be hard to resist returning! 

Insurance:

56. Healthcare: 

    • Heath: $512 (for me and my child)

    • Dental: $30

    • Vision: $5

57. HSA balance: $9,500

58. HSA monthly contribution: $690

59. FSA balance: $1,000

60. FSA monthly contribution: $100 

61. Life Insurance: $11/month for supplemental life insurance through work; my husband has basic life insurance through work that is covered by his employer.

    Total Monthly Expenses: $23,353 (This includes contributions to investment accounts; it does not include travel.)

Tell us more:

62. What are your top financial priorities? 

    • Comfortably afford another child with the cost of childcare, schools, and activities in our high-cost-of-living area

    • Afford private college for our child, if he chooses to go in that direction

    • “Retiring” early in the next 10-15 years; both of us would like to exit our high-pressure, high-burnout jobs and shift to jobs in industry, freelance consulting, or some form of entrepreneurship. I recognize that all of these options could become equally intense in terms of work-life balance, lack of flexibility, and self-imposed pressure, so it’s not clear exactly what our next career stage will look like yet. 
      

63. How do you feel about your current financial situation?

    I feel comfortable with our financial situation and acknowledge we are very lucky to have been able to get the jobs we are currently in (and remain in these jobs, given economic volatility and instability across industries), purchase a house at an optimal time with an advantageous interest rate, and other factors. However, throughout my life, I have often been surrounded by much wealthier individuals and families, and it can be hard not to compare myself to them. 

    
    For context, I grew up surrounded by a lot of wealth in a very-high-cost-of-living city, and I had classmates whose parents were billionaires, CEOs, etc., which was wild. Today, I have a lot of friends and neighbors who are extremely successful in their careers (finance, tech, entrepreneurship), whereas I feel like I am still catching up after spending my 20s in public-sector roles. It can be hard not to compare career trajectories with the added layer of comparing against their financial success. (Additionally, I have also spent far too much time on various FIRE subreddits, which doesn’t help!) 

    
    I absolutely work very hard to be grateful for all that I have, but my early experiences have shaped a scarcity mindset around money and finances.

64. What are your money stressors?

    • The potential cost of college when our child is old enough to attend—the Vanguard college cost projector is terrifying

    • Private school tuition and high-cost extracurricular activities, which is dependent on our child’s future interests 

    • Continuing to pay for part-time childcare until our child can easily transport himself around without the need for a caregiver

65. Do you expect to receive (or have you received) an inheritance from a family member?

    I currently expect to receive an inheritance from my parents, but I recognize that may change depending on their health/other circumstances. I would rather they live long and happy lives than I would receive any inheritance. 

66. Do you receive any financial support from your family?

    My parents have provided financial support in the past, i.e. by paying for college. And they still occasionally pay for certain expenses when we go on vacations together.

67. Do you financially support any family members beyond yourself and your nuclear family?

    My husband has supported his family substantially for a long time and will continue to do so in perpetuity. At some point, I might need to financially support my sibling, who chose to pursue a meaningful career in a field that pays very little; I would be happy to do so if that is needed in the future.

68. How do you and your partner split your finances? How did you decide to go that route?

    My husband and I have completely separate finances with no shared accounts. We each pay for different shared expenses and reconcile with each other twice a year. We split the mortgage and any other large expenses (the nanny and the car, for example) proportionally based on our current salaries at the time the expense was incurred. (We don’t split things 50/50, since my husband earns more.) We don’t take bonuses into consideration at all since they are not guaranteed. If one of us was to get a raise at a certain point during the year, we readjust how we split up our expenses taking into account the new salaries. 

    
    We started dating in college. We never combined finances when we got married and started living together as it remained easy to split our few shared expenses. After we bought a house together, we discussed getting a joint bank account, but we each wanted to maintain separate accounts to cover individual expenses (we have separate hobbies and spending priorities and often travel separately), so we continued with our system of tracking shared expenses in Excel and reconciling every six months. It works for now, but we’ll see how it evolves as our child gets older! 

69. What is one financial goal(s) you still want to achieve?

    I would like to hit $1 million in invested assets. I max out my 401(k) through work and contribute regularly to my brokerage account in order to meet this goal within the next 5-10 year timeframe.

70. Tell us about one financial accomplishment you're proud of.

    One meaningful financial milestone for me was paying for half of the down payment on our home. I worked in low-paying public-sector jobs for most of my 20s, so it took pretty much all I had in the bank!

71. What do you regret spending your money on the most? 

    A few regrets come to mind from my 20s when I wasn’t very thoughtful about how I spent my money (while living on a low-paying social sector salary). I spent a lot of my clothing budget on fast fashion to keep up with trends, instead of shopping mindfully to create a lasting, classic capsule wardrobe. As I’ve learned more about the fashion industry, I regret contributing to the environmental impact and harmful worker practices employed by fast fashion companies. I now focus on shopping my closet, buying secondhand from sites like Poshmark or eBay, and using occasional clothing rental subscriptions for special occasions to avoid purchasing new.

72. What is one thing you spend money on that makes your life better?

    Because of the high intensity of my work, I spend a significant amount on travel for trips to escape, disconnect, and recharge away from home and the office—about $1,000 a month on average. This spending is purely for my personal travel with girlfriends or family and excludes an annual trip with my nuclear family that my husband plans and pays for. 

    
    Many of my closest friends and family live in other states, so this is a way to see them and share unforgettable experiences—which became incredibly important to me after sustained pandemic isolation. (My husband also takes guys trips and travels frequently for work, so he understands this helps even out all of the solo parenting time!)

73. What is one thing you spend money on that drives you crazy?

    I love our nanny very much and recognize we are very privileged to afford her, but it is crazy to me that we spend more than our mortgage every month on childcare for one child. 

74. Is there anything else you would like to add?

    I spend a lot on medical costs; I am on a high-deductible plan and have high medical costs for various conditions, so spending is almost $1,000/month between deductibles and cost sharing (in addition to premiums mentioned above).

One more time for the friends in the back: Please comment with kindness!

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Random Extras:

Starting a new section to call out things I’m loving, hating, or just generally having feelings about!

• I’m constantly looking for like-minded personal finance experts to collaborate with. (If you have any recs, please let me know!) So much money advice ignores who we are, our background, our values, and our emotions. Paco De Leon—my former Money Diaries podcast co-host—will show you how to be in better control of your money every week, even if you're just starting out. Subscribe to The Nerdletter here! It's one of my favorite newsletters!

• Platonic Love
  is another favorite weekly read. Ken and I watched STEVE! (martin) a documentary in two pieces after
  Aliza Sir
  recommended it a few weeks back and oh wow, it’s so good. I absolutely love any documentary or book about a person’s creative process. The doc is really inspiring and funny.

• I started a chat thread this morning to give you lovely readers a chance to shout out your wins. I’m hoping to make this a regular thing, calling it REMARKABLE WEDNESDAYS, inspired by the program #IamRemarkable. If you’re on the Substack app (and you should be!), stop by and share a win!

• The WIN Summit is coming up on May 30 in NYC. I’m moderating a panel about ambition and motherhood, and the panelists are so good:

  L'Oreal Thompson Payton
  (who writes the great
  LT in the City Weekly
  newsletter);
  Hitha
  (whose
  With Hitha
  newsletter is on a bit of a hiatus but still a favorite); and Erika Hanafin Feldhus, CEO of HeyMama. Purse readers can get 20% off when you use my code LS20 to register for the WIN Summit.

1. Note from me, Lindsey: Still trying to figure out how to fold travel as an expense into this series! I realize this is a little vague, but it was a last-minute add. We’ll get more specific going forward!