In Her Purse: The Bad-Ass Mother Edition
In Her Purse: The Bad-Ass Mother Edition
I think every successful mother I know has THIS in her bag...
This edition of the newsletter is brought to you by our friends at Argent.
Good morning! Can you all believe it’s October?! This is my favorite month of the year. I call it “doing season,” because the crisp, cooler weather puts a pep in my step. Cheesy, I know! But I don’t care. I love Halloween and the changing leaves and really anything to do with decorative gourd season (so glad that some memes never die). Plus, today is my high school best friend Margaret’s birthday. Let’s hear it for the high school BFFs, those amazing people who saw you at your most awkward, and with whom you once spent countless hours driving around [fill-in-the-blank hometown] listening to Soul Coughing and Collective Soul and The Wallflowers. (Yes, I did just date myself.) Happy birthday, Maggie! Love ya!
I digress! I’m keeping my intro short today, so I can get straight into In Her Purse, which features two bad-ass mothers,
and .Hitha and I met serendipitously the morning I sent out the first edition of The Purse. We were both attending a networking breakfast hosted by our mutual friends Daniella Kahane and
1. It was one of those magical events where I knew I was at the right place at the right time, despite feeling insecure about my recent career change. Hitha put me at ease with our conversation about Taco Bell and her reassurance that leaving my job at Fortune was not the career-ender I feared.It’s still funny to me that I hadn’t met Hitha before, because as soon as I started following her on Instagram, I realized we knew so many of the same people. I’ve really enjoyed following her Instagram and newsletter because she’s so open and vulnerable about navigating a career and kids and trying to understand what to prioritize. Oh, and did I mention that Hitha also authored a book about Kamala Harris? We're Speaking: The Life Lessons of Kamala Harris: How to Use Your Voice, Be Assertive, and Own Your Story is a must-read during election season.
On the other hand, Kate and I have not yet had a chance to meet in person, but she is an early Substack writer friend. She reached out to me after the second Division of Labor was published, and we’ve kept in touch ever since, looking for an opportunity to work together. Her newsletter,
, is so beautiful, filled with tips on wellness and motherhood, as she prepares to give birth to twins (at any minute, right, Kate?).Okay, enough of me talking about Kate and Hitha. I’ll let the two of them take it from here!
Hitha: The Questions
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? Time freedom is my idea of perfect happiness. I would love to wake up and flow through my day doing what I want to do and not be at the mercy of others’ agendas. When I think of this perfect happiness, I think about wandering through a museum in the middle of the day, reading an entire book in a single sitting, traveling and exploring all the places I want to go, and being completely detached from my phone or computer.
2. What is your greatest money fear? Losing all our money. I know we’re careful with our investments and our spending, but the thought of it all disappearing terrifies me.
3. What is the financial trait you most deplore in yourself? “Little treat” shopping. I admittedly used to be much worse about this, but I still indulge in buying myself things (a new book, a coffee or tea while I’m out, a cheap thrill on Amazon) when I’m either stressed or in a celebratory mood.
4. What is the financial trait you most deplore in others? Bad tippers! While I have major issues with the ubiquity of tipping prompts with digital checkouts (particularly when there’s been no service), I think a healthy tip should be a requirement until we catch up with the rest of the established world and pay service and essential workers what they deserve to live with dignity. I especially hope folks get cash ahead of a hotel stay to tip the housekeeping staff upon their departure!
5. If you could change one thing about your financial situation, what would it be? I’d love to see some returns in our private investments—exits, royalty distributions, etc. I’m incredibly proud of the founders, companies, and funds we’ve invested in, and I would love to see the paper value be realized into cash.
6. What do you consider your greatest financial achievement? Purchasing and maintaining two homes (granted, we had a lot of financial support to help make the first purchase possible). I know it’s one of those cliché “American Dream” signifiers, but with good reason. It was a huge financial achievement, and I have so much pride in owning and caring for these special homes.
7. Where would you most like to live? It’s always been my dream to split my time between New York (specifically, the Upper West Side) and Bucks County, PA. That it’s our current reality is a dream come true.
8. What is your most treasured possession? The jewelry and family mementos passed down to me from my family members.
9. What is your greatest money regret? A YSL bag I purchased in Las Vegas after a lucky streak at the blackjack tables back in 2006. I regretted it the second it was delivered to my apartment.
10. What is your money motto? “How will you earn it?” When I was a kid and asked my parents for something (a new toy or book, but most often a new box of crayons), they’d respond with “How will you earn it? With your allowance, or by contributing more around the house, or will you pay with your savings?” It’s something I repeat to my own sons today, and I repeat it to myself when I feel tempted to buy something. Is that piece of clothing or accessory something I need to replace an older, worn item? What’s the hold time for that book from the library? Will you burn/use the candles you already own before buying the one you’re eyeing? It’s a really powerful mental filter that helps me spend mindfully.
11. What is a nonprofit that’s near and dear to your heart that you’d like Purse readers to know about? New Morning is an incredible reproductive healthcare nonprofit in South Carolina. They offer comprehensive contraceptive healthcare to every South Carolinian in need through training local healthcare providers (often the sole doctor/nurse/pharmacist serving an entire county) and delivering the contraceptive of a patient’s choice. They’ve prevented over 100,000 pregnancies and nearly 50,000 unplanned births.
Is it time to upgrade your wardrobe with some investment pieces by Argent?
We talk a lot about money, work, and mom stuff here, but what we wear—and how it makes us feel—plays a big part in those conversations, too. Recently, I asked my Instagram followers what women are wearing these days, and the flood of DMs that followed was almost overwhelming. Clearly, this topic resonates.
That’s why I am so excited to partner with Argent on this newsletter. I’ve been a fan for a while, and the FW24 collection is stunning—think timeless tailoring, elegant satins, and transitional knits in rich, fall-ready tones. Plus, Purse subscribers get 10% off (just sign up for their email list)! If you’re ready to invest in your new favorite wardrobe essentials, definitely check out Argent. #partner
Hitha: The Purse
iPad Pro + Magic Keyboard. I work from my iPad when I’m on the go.
Portable battery. This one plugs in the wall to charge and has the charging cords attached.
Essentials: wallet, sunglasses, phone, AirPods, hand sanitizer, lip gloss, a magnetic suction mount for my phone. These are always in my bag.
I keep these essentials (and whatever else will fit) stored in a Stoney Clover Lane pouch, which was a gift from the Democracy in Retrograde book launch party.
Makeup bag. I don’t usually have this with me, but I was running around the city for a podcast taping and a speaking engagement, so I packed these for a quick touch-up.
Full Focus Pocket Planner and pen. I would be lost without this planner.
Snacks. I prefer savory foods, and these have a decent amount of protein and fiber to prevent me from getting hangry.
We’re Speaking and How to Pack. I keep copies of my books with me to give to folks I’m meeting with (or may meet throughout the day).
Naghedi St. Barth’s medium tote in cashmere. It’s the best bag.
Kate: The Questions
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? It’s funny—this question made me realize that MOST of the moments I feel a sense of profound peace are often low-cost or free: a long bath with a good book, a hug from my toddler, a hike on the trails, an uninterrupted dinner with my husband, or a [very rare] morning when I wake up early enough to sip my coffee alone in peace—ahhhh.
2. What is your greatest money fear? The unpredictability of my own career. While I am proud of the small business I’ve cultivated for myself, I’m very aware it’s riskier and more inconsistent than a conventional path. While in the short term, the flexibility and income of my small business are great—especially in this season of motherhood—I still have the lingering fear that passing on a “normal” job during these crucial working years could be to my detriment financially in the long term.
3. What is the financial trait you most deplore in yourself? I wish I had more mastership over the DETAILS of finance. While I’ve made an effort to be wise financially—living below my means, putting money in savings, contributing to retirement, and so on—I’ve approached it from a broad, “big picture” perspective. But I know there’s a whole world of strategy and truly optimizing our finances (backdoor Roth IRAs, taxable brokerage accounts, etc.) which I often overlook simply due to overwhelm and confusion.
4. What is the financial trait you most deplore in others? Cheapness. Note: This is not when someone is simply on a budget or watching their spending. I completely respect that! I am more so referring to when someone consistently complains about EVERY expense, avoids contributing their fair share in group activities, hoards every penny, etc. In these situations, it feels deeper than just being responsible—it’s a true desire to save at all costs, even if it inconveniences themselves or those around them.
5. If you could change one thing about your financial situation, what would it be? Having an employer-covered retirement match—hands down. That’s the biggest thing I miss about my old roles! These years are so crucial for investing, and I used to always max out my contributions to receive the full match. I miss that benefit so much. So, if you’ve got this perk right now, make the most of it. For me! Please!
6. What do you consider your greatest financial achievement? Definitely paying my own way through college and graduate school, completely on my own, without any family help. Thankfully, I received a lot of academic scholarships, which helped tremendously. But to cover the rest, I worked all throughout school, saved like crazy during summer jobs, and stuck to a very strict budget (...though I somehow always managed to scrape together enough for weekends of cheap vodka at the campus dive bar? #priorities).
7. Where would you most like to live? Honestly? I wouldn’t really change much about our current setup in Minnesota. We live in a quirky mid-century home nestled in the Northwoods, and I absolutely adore this home and its location. We’re in town—just a short walk from Lake Superior—and we have amazing access to trails and live close to so many people we love. I feel very at peace here…. But if money were no object, I’d love to live right on the shore of Lake Superior. ;)
8. What is your most treasured possession? Cheesy, but our photo albums. Each year, I take all of our Polaroids and small mementos—plane tickets, birthday cards, etc.—and toss them into a simple album. It’s nothing fancy, but it serves as such a tangible keepsake of that specific life stage. It’s one of the few material items that would truly devastate me to lose and couldn’t be replaced.
9. What is your greatest money regret? In 2019, my husband and I almost bought a small, rundown home because of its valuable land and prime location. My gut told me it was a smart investment, but I was in grad school, so we played it safe and passed. Well, then, 2020 happened, annnnnnd the real estate market changed forevermore. That property is now worth about four times what it was.
While my example is focused on the house, what I actually regret is not trusting my gut and being too cautious with my money. Like most things in life, a bit of responsible risk-taking is key to unlocking the next level. Be wise with your finances, but don’t forget to listen to your intuition as well!
10. What is your money motto? Little things make big things happen.
11. What is a nonprofit that’s near and dear to your heart that you’d like Purse readers to know about? I would love to give a shout-out to the Black Women’s Health Imperative! As a registered nurse with my doctorate, I’m very passionate about health, and it’s clear that Black women face significant inequalities, challenges, and systemic barriers that impact their health. BWHI is doing incredible work to help change that. I really encourage you to check them out!
Kate: The Purse
Car keys. If there’s one status symbol that I genuinely could NOT care less about, it would be cars. Happily driving my old, fully paid-off Honda until it dies.
Birdie safety alarm. One of the unique delights of being a woman involves the constant consideration of safety wherever we go. ◡̈ ◡̈ ◡̈ ◡̈ ◡̈ ◡̈ This little keychain alarm gives me a bit of peace of mind.
Primally Pure Lip Balm. The best lip balm you will ever try. Trust me. Bonus: no weird ingredients or unnecessary chemicals.
Glasses, glasses, glasses! I have different pairs everywhere—in my purse, my car, my living room, etc. I purposefully buy inexpensive options as I treat them… very poorly (note: you don’t see a glasses case in my bag)
A singular cloth diaper. I’ve never been a formal “diaper bag” gal. I typically just throw a diaper and some wipes in whatever purse or bag I’m bringing out.
Wallet. I had this cute lil’ wallet custom made by a small biz (Hattie Rose) a few years ago, and it still makes me smile. I just love the unique shape and how sleek/minimalist it is.
Thank-you cards. I am currently pregnant with twins (so wild!), and I have been slowly working on thank-yous from my baby shower. I keep a stack in my bag just in case I find a spare moment to write one.
Serenity Kids. As a toddler mom, I am never without a snack. I personally opt for these pouches because they are organic, full of healthy fats, etc., and shelf stable. Perfect to have in my purse!
Laptop. As a working mom, I take my laptop with me pretty much everywhere, just in case I stumble upon a small, unexpected chunk of time to work.
Oversized silk scrunchie. I often get overstimulated with my hair down, so I always have an option to toss it up, if needed!
A race car. An emergency toy, just in case. Toddlers, man….
Ilia Skin Tint. If I could only wear one makeup item forever, it would be this.
Notebook and pen. I am a huge pen-and-paper gal. This journal is where I make lists for the days, brainstorm Substack posts for The Reset, journal, let some thoughts flow, etc.
Thank you so much, Hitha and Kate!
I highly recommend you check out their newsletters,
and !Random Extras
I’ve been thinking a lot about grief after a death in the family last month. This newsletter and chat from
came at the perfect time. Also, happy birthday, Sari!It’s been so upsetting to see the destruction caused by Hurricane Helene. I appreciate
putting together a roundup of ways to support communities in need in her most recent newsletter. I just donated to the Mutual Aid Disaster Relief.Just a reminder that you can follow The Purse on Instagram!
Speaking on Fran, she and her friend
—both best-selling authors—just launched a new newsletter all about writing. Make sure to sign up for !
Thank you so much for the shout-out Lindsey! Bethany here :) That sounds like quite the breakfast roundtable, and I'm devouring these bag reveals!
Hurray for old Hondas! We bought a Civic from a friend who was upgrading many years ago. I am not even sure how old it is -- but old enough that it doesn't have a screen and doesn't have any sort of phone capability. I wish we could drive it forever. Our other car is a 20-year-old MINI I bought used around 2011 before I realized I'd soon be unemployable. We love it, but should have gone with something like a Civic.