In Her Purse: The Money Maven Edition

Two of my favorite financial writers share their money mottos!

As this newsletter lands in your inbox, I should (fingers crossed!) be on a flight back from San Francisco, returning from our long-planned anniversary trip. (Hello from 20,000-feet!) As I’m writing this, I’m deep in that pre-vacation mania where I’m trying to get everything done. Who thought a December getaway was a good idea? Oh, right, me! Ugh!

Before I get to today’s newsletter, I want to share something fun that Erika and I cooked up recently. I hear often from women that they don’t know what questions to ask their financial advisor. And I get it—sometimes advisors can be a little heavy with the jargon. But this is your money we’re talking about, and it’s good to know what going on. So with the help of some of my favorite female money experts, I pulled together a list of questions you should ask your financial advisor, and Erika laid it all out in a beautiful and handy PDF. Click the button below to download!

And now on to the final In Her Purse of 2024, featuring two of my favorite money writers, Michelle Teheux and

Keris Fox

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There are not nearly enough women writing about money and personal finance topics. Browse the Substack “Personal Finance” tab, and you’ll find a lot of dudes talking about stocks. Snooze fest!! But if you dig around a little more, you can find some really interesting money-focused newsletters by some really interesting women. And I’d put Keris and Michelle at the top of this list.

Keris is a UK-based writer who pens The Ladybird Purse, a newsletter where she writes openly and honestly about money—and gets other women to open up, too. I love her decades series, which includes interviews with women at different life stages about their own financial experiences. Keris is also one of my favorite writers on Substack Notes, and not just because she posts a lot of sweet photos of her cat!

Michelle writes Untrickled, a sharp and smart newsletter about income inequality and the many challenges facing working class Americans. She is a former newspaper editor, and she brings those strong reporting skills to Untrickled. Michelle also comments frequently on Purse newsletters, and I really appreciate her no-nonsense feedback.

Both of these writers are vital voices in furthering the conversation around women and money—and it was so fun to get a peek inside their purses! Also, somewhat hilariously—and completely unplanned—they have totally opposite money mottos, once again proving my point that everyone has a different financial experience and POV, and all these stories are essential to share.

Tell me: Who are your favorite personal finance writers on Substack?

(I’ll add that I’ve featured a few other wonderful money experts since the launch of In Her Purse, including Heather Boneparth, Aja Evans, Maria DeVoto, Ruchi Pinniger, Louise Story and Ebony Reed.)

Keris Fox: The Questions

What is your idea of perfect happiness? I love the Nora Ephron quote, “Dinner with friends in cities where none of us lives.” But also sunrise swims in Mallorca with my 15-year-old. Making my 20-year-old laugh (he’s a tough crowd). The moment the lights go down at the start of a concert (usually Harry Styles). But also coffee in bed in the morning, watching the sky lighten, and messing around on my phone. Now with added cat (Noodles!) snoozing on my lap.

What is your greatest money fear? My first instinct is to say running out of money. But that’s never happened. I feel like I don’t have a safety net—I don’t have a partner, my parents are dead, and no one in my family is wealthy. But I do have friends who I know would help if they could, as much as they could. Maybe my greatest fear is never having enough money to be able to live the best life I can live.

What is the financial trait you most deplore in yourself? Deplore is a strong word, and I’m working on being a lot kinder to myself around money (and everything). I definitely do a lot of magical money thinking.

Because I’m self-employed, my income is erratic, and whenever a chunk of money comes in, I mentally spend it three or more times over, telling myself it’s going to solve everything. And then before long it’s gone, and I’m impatiently waiting for the next payment. (Maybe it’ll solve everything!)

What is the financial trait you most deplore in others? Stinginess. I always want to err on the side of generosity.

If you could change one thing about your financial situation, what would it be? I’d have a shit ton of money! I’d like to have enough that I don’t really need to think about it; I can just enjoy and share it.

What do you consider your greatest financial achievement? That I actually make money from novels. Not much, but still.

Also, honestly, that I’m able to support myself and my boys. I was married from 24 to 49 and got divorced (via email!) in 2020. Being solely financially responsible for the first time in 25 years inspired me to start my money Substack, The Ladybird Purse. I had so many friends in similar situations and some of them had never dealt with money at all, didn’t know who their mortgage was with or how much their partner got paid. That wasn’t my situation—we shared finances and I did all the admin—but it was still intimidating. But it was empowering, too.

Where would you most like to live? One of my sons says he wants to live in Copenhagen. The other wants to move to Mallorca. I’ve told them I’ll spend half a year with each of them…

What I would actually love to do once the boys move out (assuming they ever do) is be a digital nomad and travel the world. I’d also love to live in London again. I moved there at 18 but obviously had no money or confidence. I picture myself as a little old lady, living in the centre of the city and enjoying all the culture and food. (This is also when I hope to have a sex life again.)

What is your most treasured possession? After our parents died, my sister found a small, battered suitcase full of letters, photos, cards, and memorabilia that my mum had kept since the ’50s. I’m writing about it on my personal Substack, and I feel beyond lucky to have it.

What is your greatest money regret? Allowing money worries to ruin experiences. Trips I couldn’t enjoy because I was fretting about the cost. Meals in gorgeous restaurants I can’t even remember because I spent the whole time dreading the bill. And then all the guilt and regret afterwards!

What cured me was flying to New York to see Harry Styles just after my separation. I don’t know how much I spent, and I don’t care. It was worth every penny. And it made me realize I can’t put a price on fun with my boys or my friends (or alone!).

What is your money motto? My motto is very basic: “There will be more money.” But I really love Leo Aquino’s affirmation, “Every time I laugh, unexpected money shows up in my bank account.” It’s not true for me (yet!) but thinking that it could be makes me so happy. I laugh a lot!

What is a nonprofit that’s near and dear to your heart that you’d like Purse readers to know about? The MS Society¹. My mum was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in her late 40s, and while it’s not what she died of (leukemia, can you believe it?), MS took so much from her and from our family.

Keris: The Purse

1. My hearing aids (and spare batteries). I have age-related hearing loss—30% in one ear and 60% in the other. These hearing aids aren’t very good, so I don’t wear them all the time, but they’re essential in places with a lot of background noise.

2. Earbuds. I bought these recently for listening to music and podcasts because they adapt to your hearing. They’re actually better than my hearing aids. I love them.

3. Tweezers. Plucking the hair on my top lip could be a full-time job.

4. Sunglasses. I have had more compliments about these sunglasses than anything else in my entire life. I think they cost about £3, and I dread losing/breaking them.

5. Blue light glasses. I have glasses I need for seeing and then these glasses I wear to hide that I don’t have visible eyebrows anymore.

6. Apple. For health.

7. Masks. Also for health.

8. Perfume sample. Always trying to find my signature scent. This one smells like Ambre Solaire and reminds me of family holidays in the ’80s.

9. My (slightly grubby) bag is the small (but capacious!) cheap Uniqlo one everyone has.

   (My phone would usually be in there, too, but I used it to take the photo.)

Michelle Teheux: The Questions

What is your idea of perfect happiness? In this fantasy, all my friends and family members are doing well. I have interesting things to do that I think matter—they don’t necessarily have to be paid work, but since I need to make a living, hopefully some of these interesting things will provide enough money to cover my basic expenses and a few pleasures. Plus, in this fantasy, I have enough money to cover all the what-ifs like getting sick. Also: I have wonderful things to read and discuss with friends and loved ones, and I occasionally write something that other people appreciate.

I’m basically there except I don’t have enough money to cover my old age and what-ifs.

What is your greatest money fear? I have a problematic relationship with money. If you think of diet culture and disordered eating, I’m sort of like that with money—I have trouble spending. I fear not having enough because I’ve had so many times in my life when I have been in that situation. So far, I’ve always been able to get through them, but some people don’t. Some people end up in desperate predicaments, often through no fault of their own.

I’m terrified of being older and ill and not being able to pay for my basic needs and having to be a burden to my children. I have two awesome 30-something kids whom I trust to care for me if they had to, but the possibility that they might have to do so horrifies me. I want to help them; I do not want them to have to help me. My daughter has two young children and needs to pass things onto her kids, not to reach back and take care of me. My son isn’t planning to have kids, but I still don’t want him to spend his middle-age years caring for his old mom and stepdad.

What is the financial trait you most deplore in yourself? I feel hopeless about my financial future sometimes and just ignore everything. I spent years not even looking at my 401(k) statements from my last employer because I just felt horrible each time I did. I don’t have anything near what I’m supposed to have at my age, which is 58. I’m trying to do better. I opened a Charles Schwab online account and stuck the max in there after my viral story gave me some much-needed financial breathing room.

Also? I am not at all good at facing risk. I will always go for the low-risk option, even though financial planner types say you’ve got to be willing to take risks to make money. That’s all very well for them to say. Taking a risk means you could lose money. Doing that only makes sense if you can afford to lose it. I don’t feel I can.

What is the financial trait you most deplore in others? I’m sorry, because this sounds terrible: But WHAT IN THE AF are people thinking when they blow big money on frivolous stuff? Again, I apologize in advance for the judginess, but you asked! I try to be so damn careful with my money, and when I see others who are blessed with so much more of it than I have ever had simply wasting it, I have a hard time biting my tongue and not saying, “Listen, do you have any idea how lucky you are that you have all this money? It’s a precious resource a lot of people will never have, and THIS is what you’re doing with it?”

I think to myself, “I could do so much with all that money that they’re just letting slip through their fingers.” It especially bothers me if they are judgy about poor people’s spending. Like: You just spent $200 on a Coach bag and now you are rolling your eyes about a poor person blowing $20 on some small pleasure. That is not a good look for anyone, and I think it’s unfair.

For example, a well-dressed person at a food pantry may well have had a good job until recently. Are they supposed to throw out the clothing they wore to their professional job and dress in rags so they look poor enough to deserve a box of free food? I live near a drive-through food pantry and have noticed that virtually all the folks visiting it have far better cars than I have, but for all I know they don’t own a car at all and are borrowing one from a relative so they can pick up food. If a woman has nice nails, how do you know she doesn’t do them herself at home? If someone is buying a fancy coffee, how do you know this isn’t a rare splurge? Maybe somebody gave them a gift card for their birthday.

Now for the hypocritical part! Even with my money hang-ups, there are certain things I’ve spent money on that others might fairly judge me for. The first Medium story of mine that ever made $1,000 was about coffee. My husband, Harrie, and I came up with the idea of spending the money from the coffee story on an espresso maker. We dithered for months, checking prices and comparing models. Ultimately, we bought a really nice Breville that grinds the beans. We use it almost every day! We love it so much, especially my Dutch husband, who misses European coffee. I joke that he’s my live-in barista, and I love it when he randomly walks into my office and hands me a cute little cup of espresso. We don’t do coffee shops, so this has given us so much happiness. Here I was hanging up all my laundry to dry year-round, doing all my dishes by hand, yet we had a very nice espresso maker. I know some people would question our choice. We could have purchased a dishwasher or clothes dryer for about the same cost.

And then when I had that viral story about sex education that made $22K, we spent a thousand bucks of it on patio pavers and a seasonal pool to go on the new patio. That’s brought us a lot of joy, too. The grandchildren went nuts, and so did we! Harrie and I would float around in the dark late at night with music playing on the nearby deck. The lights on the pergola and treehouse provided little points of light. I poured us each a drink to pop into the cup holders on our floats, and we just had the best time. That’s my idea of a vacation, and it all cost less than a weekend at an Airbnb would have. We prioritize making our home an enjoyable place over spending money going to other enjoyable places.

I think we all have our private judginess about how others spend their money. I’ve just confessed I do, after all. So go ahead and judge me—but man, we really love drinking good coffee in our backyard!

If you could change one thing about your financial situation, what would it be? I’d have a steady income I could count on. Being a writer, it’s feast or famine, and mostly famine! Someone will ask why I’m a writer then. One answer is that it’s all I want to do. The other answer is that I’d have been willing to do something else I might not have felt passionate about if I could have. I’ve tried to pivot into steadier jobs, but unsuccessfully. The newspaper world imploded when I was too young to retire and too old, as it turns out, to be considered worth taking a chance on in some other field. It was a bitter pill to learn that, as an award-winning journalist with a great work record, nobody wanted to hire me for roles like public relations, communications, etc.

I did own a couple of small businesses in the past, when my kids were little, and I wanted to stay home with them. I sold nursing bras, pumps, slings, etc. from my spare bedroom. Oh, I just loved doing that. I took some of the profits and bought a third-interest in a second-hand maternity and children’s clothing store with two other moms. That was fun. We brought our kids to work with us every day. But these weren’t big money-makers.

It’s probably fair to say I put more importance on enjoying what I’m doing/doing something I think matters than I do just making money. And if other people say I’ve gotten what I deserve for making that trade-off, I won’t argue with them. It’s the most expensive splurge I’ve made in my life—the choice to do work I feel passionate about rather than collect a paycheck for doing something I don’t care about. Anyway, I don’t need to get past a corporation’s HR department to freelance and write novels. It’s up to me. Considering how many writers make almost nothing, I don’t think I’m doing too badly. (See also: the viral article that made $22K!)

What do you consider your greatest financial achievement? I’ve never made very much money. But I think if St. Peter turns out to be an accountant who tots up every penny I’ve ever had my hands on, from birthday money as a young child to the money I’m making now, and then considers how well I’ve spent it, I think he will let me in despite the pool and espresso maker. I got through divorce and several years of low-income single motherhood without going bankrupt, and that’s not something everybody can say. I could pay off the mortgage on my primary residence today, and I have a second house that’s close to being paid off. (I bought it in 2004 so my kids and I could live there, and I couldn’t sell it in 2008 when we bought the house we live in now, so we began renting it out instead, and now my son rents it from us.) I only managed that because I live in the Land of Cheap Houses—central Illinois. My two houses together cost less than most starter homes in the rest of the country. Living here allows me to be a writer.²

Where would you most like to live? Well, on one hand I don’t want to leave the house my husband and I have put so much of ourselves into, and we don’t want to be far from our grandchildren. On the other hand, if we thought we could afford frequent visits back to the U.S., we’d likely move to the Netherlands or Belgium. Most of Harrie’s family lives in the Netherlands, and one of his sisters lives in Belgium. It would be worth it for the healthcare alone. The work-life balance and better food would be the icing on the cake. Great coffee, chocolate, wine, beer and fries, and so many beautiful buildings! (Maar mijn Nederlands is slecht!)

What is your most treasured possession? I had to think long and hard about this. I have all sorts of cherished possessions, but none really stands out as the one. Am I breaking the rules to say my goldfish pond? I dug it myself many years ago, in a backyard that turns out to be more tree roots than soil. It was really hard work! I can see it from my back door and even from my upper-story home office. In fact, if I even step one foot onto the deck, the fish see me and come swimming up to the edge, begging for food. It transformed our backyard and spurred all kinds of further improvements. Several years after I dug it, my husband got the brilliant idea of adding a small patio area next to it and building a pergola over everything. In the winter we enclose the whole thing, which gives added protection to the fish and allows me to sit outside on the enclosed patio and get some sun. I don’t like winter—I tend to feel depressed. On sunny winter days when it’s not too cold, I’ll take a book, a fancy candle (to add a bit of warmth), and a cup of coffee out there and sit in the hammock swing, and it lifts my mood. It’s even better in summer, of course. It makes us happy every time we step foot in the backyard to see all the great DIY projects we have back there: the covered deck, the lighted treehouse, the pergola, the patios, the goldfish pond. We really, really love and take pride in our backyard, and we did most of the projects for free using repurposed materials. We would not enjoy it as much if we’d just paid someone to do it.

What is your greatest money regret? If I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know now, I’d have waited a year or two to have children, and I’d have saved every single penny I made during that time. I wanted to stay home with my children for a few years, and I have paid dearly for that decision. I don’t regret it—I loved those years, and I believe my choice was good for my kids—but I now realize what an impact that has had on my finances even decades later. My Social Security will be far less than it would have been if I’d continued working. In addition, I had absolute faith in my marriage with my children’s father (my first husband), and that faith was misplaced. We divorced after 15 years. I never anticipated I’d need to support myself on a community journalist’s salary, but that’s what happened. Some very lean years followed. I’d caution every woman to realize that being an at-home parent while your husband continues to work on his career can bite you in the butt later. But to be honest, it was all I could do to postpone pregnancy until I finished my degree and worked for a year. I am a baby-crazy lady. I’d have had many more children if I could have done so responsibly.

What is your money motto? “Money is a finite resource.” I realize some people have more of an abundance mindset, but mine is scarcity all the way. I mean, we lived in a trailer until I was in junior high. That leaves its mark on you. Even if you’re a billionaire, every dollar you spend one way is a dollar you cannot save or spend another way. Imagine if the day you turned 18 you were told, “Here is a check. This is all the money you will ever have in your life. Use it wisely because there ain’t no more where that came from!” You’d be very careful not to waste it, right? Well, we don’t know what that dollar amount is, but there is a certain number each of us will have, ultimately. Perhaps through some miracle my novel The Trailer Park Rules will be made into a movie—but even if that happened, I don’t think I’d change much! We all can think of examples of people who’ve run through a fortune, and you’ve probably read that lottery winners often end up bankrupt. That would not be me, although I would buy a helluva lot more books.

What is a nonprofit that’s near and dear to your heart that you’d like Purse readers to know about? My local no-kill animal shelter, Tazewell Animal Protective Society, from which I’ve now adopted three dogs over the years. They have a wish list I like to donate to (you can ship things like pee pads from Amazon right to their door), and of course cash is always appreciated. There are similar places all over the country. If you have a spare buck, any one of them could use the help. So many pandemic pups were abandoned later, which breaks my heart. Adopt, don’t shop! I guarantee my shelter mutts and I love each other just as much as an expensive purebred would.

Michelle: The Purse

1. I haven’t worked in newspapers for years, but I will never stop carrying a reporter’s notebook and several pens. You never know when you need to take some notes.

2. Atop the notebook (hiding my address and phone number!) are two receipts; one from Aldi, one from Kroger. I don’t need these for anything, but they were floating around in my purse for some reason (and that reason is that I’m not organized).

3. My old tattered wallet must be 20 years old. It works fine so it’ll probably still be in this purse when my kids clean it out after I die.

4. Hair doo-dads! I have very long hair, and on any given day, I’m going to have good intentions but end up putting it up to get it out of my face. Do I need five covered elastics? No. I was surprised to find so many. They might be breeding in there. I also have my favorite hair clip, which I would buy 10 more of if I could find them for sale again. It’s the only one I’ve ever found that actually contains my hair, which is too thick for most clips. I always carry a hair pick (you can’t easily get a hairbrush or comb through my mop) and a French hairpin for quick buns on the go.

5. I never go anywhere without eye drops. I had cataract surgery last year (way too young) in one of my eyes, and it’s been terribly dry ever since.

6. I need to have lotion at hand at all times: in my purse, by my desk, by my bed, in my bathroom, in my kitchen. I will barely go for a walk without it.

7. I keep refilling my old Tums and Advil travel packs. That Advil tube could have anything in it from vitamins to ibuprofen to old prescriptions.

8. I have to have a nail file and lip balm at all times, too. I wear my nails natural, but they have to be snag-free or I can’t think of anything else until they are.

9. Next we have my ratty old purse makeup! I love how they now call face powder “photoready™ blurring powder!” It’s still the same old stuff I’ve been using all my life but rebranded for younger people. I carry eyeliner and dark red lipstick—both drugstore stuff—because I think if I can get my eyes defined and some color on my lips, it’s good enough 99% of the time.

10. I usually stick either a baggy of nuts or a protein bar in my purse, and if I’m going to be away from home for very long, I’ll add a banana or apple and some water or a can of diet soda because I do not want to stop for overpriced food if I get hungry.

11. I call my purse my saddlebag. It’s a cross-body purse made of heavy leather, and it will probably last me forever. I paid $45 for it. It is not a designer bag! “But Michelle, what if it goes out of style?” Ha, it was never in style in the first place! (Yes, I have a teeny black purse I can carry if I need to look a bit more formal for a special occasion.) I joke that I could live for a week out of my purse. That’s only a small exaggeration.

Thank you, Michelle and Keris!

Random Extras

• For the paid-subscriber monthly giveaway, I’ve got copies of books by both Keris (The Bad Mothers’ Book Club) and Michelle (The Trailer Park Rules), as well as a lovely scented candle.³ Also, The Purse is donating 20% of all new paid subscriptions to The Brave House, a nonprofit that supports immigrant women in NYC. It’s our small way of supporting a cause we care about during this season of giving.

• I drop this nearly every week, but I’m always looking for people to participate in our social-first series, Saturday Spend. It’s easy, fun, and anonymous! Fill out the form here!

• Love The Purse and want to be even more involved? Join our Ambassadors program! Fill out the form here. It’s fun and free!

1. Readers in the U.S. who are interested can donate to the National MS Society.

2. From Michelle: By the way, being a landlord is the worst possible way to make money in the world. It was nonstop headaches until my son grew up and wanted to rent it. I will put it on the market the day he decides to live elsewhere. Seriously, if you’re thinking about buying an investment property, my advice would be to go see a therapist and find out why you don’t love yourself.

3. The sweepstakes is limited to readers within the U.S. It closes at 11:59 p.m. ET on December 31, 2024. To enter without upgrading to a paid subscription, please reply to this email by 11:59 p.m. ET on December 31, 2024, that you would like to be entered in the sweepstakes. If there are any further questions, simply respond to this email, and I will do my best to answer them.