126 Comments

See, I do not have that kind of "cool" circle so I never have that experience of wondering why I wasn't invited to such things. Nobody I know goes to such things. Nor do any of us give a shit. We wouldn't enjoy them as much as we enjoy the other things we do, like getting together at each other's houses for coffee, wine or maybe some homemade cake.

I have never been paid well. Not when I was the editor of a small-town daily and certainly not now that I'm living on Medium, Substack, books and a smattering of freelance. But I'm doing work I'm proud of. I own an inexpensive but very cool house and there is food in my fridge. People come here to hang out. This is a good life, even though I lack coolness, status and wealth.

I think you may be suffering from feeling like you have a lack of status, compared to what you had. Comparison, as you know, is the thief of joy. Enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done and don't worry about the rest of it. Downscale your life if you have to. Scrambling and fighting for money and status will kill your soul. Producing the best work you can and finding people who appreciate it will feed your soul.

You have a good newsletter here. It won't be any better if you grow it into the No. 1 newsletter -- in fact, surely you've noticed that what is popular is often trash.

I'm not reading you because I think you're cool. I only care about good writing, and I keep looking for more pieces about people of modest income who are nonetheless managing to live decent lives.

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Michelle, I'm going to copy and paste this into a Google doc and save it for times when I'm feeling low. Thank you! This is just the kind of tough love pep talk I needed. And thank you for always being a loyal reader and commenter on The Purse. Your perspective always brings a lot to the conversation!

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If you ever come through central Illinois, let me know. I will invite witty friends to meet you and we will have wine or coffee in my treehouse. I will even bake a cake for the occasion. It will be the least-cool gathering of non-socially-connected people you've ever attended, but you will walk out of there with a lot of fresh thoughts and story ideas. Just last night, at a meeting of a literacy group that's been in my town since 1929, we were discussing how such groups are dying because women are no longer doing the free labor and the men have not stepped up ... but we WANT to get books into kids' hands, so we keep doing it.

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I will let you know, Michelle! That sounds like an amazing evening!

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And I’ll give you a copy of The Trailer Park Rules if you want — it’s a novel but it’s really about income inequality. It suffers from the taint of being self-published but it’s as good as anything published by the top publishing houses. If you disagree I’ll share all my financial stuff with you to dig into. How’s that?

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Oh, I'm going to buy a copy!

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Very few things make me happier right now than those words!

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Jun 11Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

My favorite spaces are « least-cool gatherings of non-socially-connected » people :)

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Jun 13Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

Daniell!! those were my exact same thoughts!! ☺️

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Love this response.

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Then you should definitely subscribe to Michelle's Substack!

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I'm already subscribed and follow Michelle on Medium. Thanks for the suggestion, though

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Nice!

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Jun 5Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

Thanks for this. I am a relatively new (free) subscriber (I think I came from Home Exonomics?). Anyway I really appreciate hearing the creator perspective on subscribing and the value of liking/commenting.

I’m pretty new to reading and subscribing to Substacks and still figuring out how to know when/if to subscribe to because there are so many good ones! I usually subscribe to the free plan and then subscribe if a lot of posts I want to read are paywalled. So setting up a paywall is a good idea to prompt loyal readers to subscribe (and may explain at least some of 1000 readers just not being prompted to subscribe).

I admire your courage both in starting this newsletter and in posting about your experience in such an honest way.

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Thank you, Margaret!

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Jun 5Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

I’m halfway through this and as someone who started offering a paid community (and a paid anything) this year, I feel like we need to do a Zoom call for encouragement! I’m fully over the hump of being afraid to charge now and a business coach literally held my hand through it but your work is SO WORTH IT! I’m not yet a paid subscriber because honestly you’ve allowed me to stay a free subscriber with all the benefits. I promise you the minute I see a paid post I can’t access, I will upgrade. And never search yourself on Reddit 😂😂😂 it’s never good. I’m so sorry this has been challenging psychologically but your work is worth a paywall!

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I would LOVE that Afoma! Will you DM me and we'll find a time!

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Jun 5Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

Done! Yay!

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This so well captures the ups and downs of trying to build something meaningful. I'm 8.5 years in and have had MANY disappointments and pivots. From where I sit you've had an AMAZING first year. Also, the fact that it's only taken you a year to understand your work is valuable and you need to be paid for it makes you a very quick study. Go Lindsey!

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Thank you, Katherine!

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also deleting instagram off my phone is one the best things I've ever done for my mental health. I also looked at the feedback from people cancelling their paid membership yesterday, a tab i never realized I had, and I nearly had to take to my bed. Never again.

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OMG, it's SO hard! I know you pour your heart and soul into this work, too. Even the toughest among us are tender-hearted!

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It’s a monster! Me too. Why do we care?

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Jun 5Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

I've been following you silently for a few months, and I've really enjoyed your writings. I like to consider that the followers who unsubscribe are just people who found you in a season they may have needed your words and wisdom, and that season has come to an end, which entirely puts all the emphasis on them and not on you 'not meeting their needs' or 'offending them'. I appreciate the content you write, I enjoy reading it, and that's why I joined you when you sent out your plea for paid subscribers. I admired your bravery for putting yourself out there and I'm pretty sure I also felt the anxiety that it brought you. Keep your dreams and visions alive!!

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Thanks so much, Elizabeth!

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Jun 5Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

What tremendous growth you've had. It is an inspiration. The Reddit thread spewing nonsense just means you are actually popular enough to have a Reddit thread!

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Haha, thanks, Kristen! That's a good way to think about it!

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I love your writing and this newsletter and just upgraded to paid because I think your newsletter is worth it!

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Thank you so much!!

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And as a few others have mentioned, it’s hard figuring out what to pay for on substack when there are so many great newsletters and I can’t afford to spend 60-80/year on more than just a few, but if you had pay walled any of your posts earlier I probably would have paid earlier because your newsletter IS that good!!

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100% agree! I feel the same way, re: it's hard to support everyone! Which is another reason why it's so weird to ask for money!!

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Jun 5Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

Just saying, we all thought you were cool and impressive the first time we met you….still do❤️

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Means so much, Andrea! You and Larry are the coolest!

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Jun 5Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

I love your work and totally understand why you need to be remunerated accordingly for it. I live in South Africa and earn in rands which are a pittance in comparison to dollars. Perhaps consider a sliding scale of contributions especially for people living and earning in the global south. A quick sense of what I am getting at - in South Africa $8 is effectively ZAR151. I can get five cappuccinos whereas I believe a cappuccino in the states averages out at $4.3. Worth considering perhaps?

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That's a great idea, Kathleen! I'll look into it!

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Jun 10Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

Lindsey, I am late to the party here but want to echo some of the sentiments I have seen in the comments. Stats, worth, comparison, solopreneuring, value, and creativity are all vastly nuanced areas and you are navigating all of them beautifully. Though a very different lens, I just wrote my first post a year out of corporate America - most recently from financial services. https://ericagiselle.substack.com/p/motherhood-the-success-gap

If you are still looking for co-workers of some variation, I would be delighted to connect! I do small business consulting alongside women's private coaching (and there is far more overlap there than one would think), but just having someone to connect with to bounce ideas off of has such immense value. If you have any interest in connecting, please reach out!

You're doing the dang thing! Keep going!

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Jun 5Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

As they say "Nothing ventured, nothing gained". Hang in there! I really

enjoy your newsletter and writing and you are one of a small group of writers that I read and can relate to. I think you are doing great your first year and will only get better as time goes on. Keep up the good work! I will be upgrading to paid- you deserve it!

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Thanks, Carolyn! I'm so glad you relate!!

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Jun 5Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

As someone who is also in the midst of a VERY uncomfortable year, thank you for your honesty! I am newer to The Purse but have greatly enjoyed your writing so far. For what it is worth, you are doing great!

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Thanks, Anabel! Hang in here! I hope for both of us things get a bit more comfortable!

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Jun 5Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

We love Muppets Take Manhattan in our house, especially the song "You Can't Take No For an Answer". I feel like that would be another good song for you to sing, especially when looking for those invites!

I hear you about the loneliness. I work for myself doing geography programs at different places, so I don't have any co-workers. I see a lot of people I really like weekly or monthly or once in a while, but day to day, it's just me, and sometimes my three year old coming along with me to places like H Mart and Staples to prep.

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Ha, I love to meet another Muppets household! Did you watch The Mayhem show on Disney+ Another personal favorite!

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We are an old school Muppet House., so no Mayhem yet. We will check it out if we are ever at a place that has Disney+. Thanks!

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Jun 12Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

I also quit my editorial staff job to strike out on my own as a freelance editor last May--I remember reading your first post and thinking, "OK, maybe what I'm doing isn't so crazy after all!" I've experienced so many of the ups and downs that you describe, especially the loneliness. My partner has a staff job, and even though he gets frustrated at times, he has colleagues he can commiserate with :) But I'm still incredibly happy with my decision to leave, and I hope you are too. The Purse is an incredibly valuable resource and has great potential. If you ever need editorial or other support, send me a note!

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Jun 7Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

Cheering you on, as always: The Purse was not a bad idea!!!

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Thank you, Laura!!

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Jun 5Liked by Lindsey Stanberry

First of all CONGRATS on your first year. That is a big accomplishment and I hope you do something fun and silly and/or get something delicious to celebrate.

Secondly, thank you for this newsletter in general. I found you via my friend Sam Raddatz pretty early on and I've loved watching the growth. I feel like I learn something new every time I read it, particularly with all the different types of content you have and are exploring. I'm a pretty big proponent of having open conversations about money in my own life (especially because I am a creative and many of the people in my circle are also creatives and that's a whole can of worms) and it's been so great to see how those conversations go in sectors I'm less familiar with.

I write a newsletter myself and I know it can be nerve-wracking all around. I have a small but mighty base of readers, most of whom I know. I turned on paid subscriptions right away because I am also always trying to get better about being paid for the work that I do. My paid subscribers are also a small but mighty base. I agree you should definitely ask for what you're worth and get paid for your work. I also know how weird it can feel to ask for that through an independent newsletter. Writing and being vulnerable through writing is hard just baseline and especially hard when it's just you with no greater entity to back you. I think it's worth it but it's hard. I write in the personal essay/memoir vein, and I know for myself, there are weeks where I feel like the piece is much better than other weeks which, sometimes, makes me second guess the worth all around. But we're humans and every day we try our best and every day that best looks different which means every day the writing looks different too.

After having a couple of long unemployments, I recently made a move similar to yours and decided to try to pursue a business as a creative consultant. I'm in the relatively early phases but I'm so glad for the pivot. Thank you for so candidly sharing your process through your journey; it's definitely been helpful to me.

So, to circle back, CONGRATS and thank you for you work. I'm not in a place to support financially at the moment but I hope these words of connection are a little bit of that. I'm excited to see what's next with The Purse.

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Thanks so much, Samantha! It's so great to hear you came here through Sam. She's the best! Good luck to you w/ your newsletter and consulting journey!

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