Hi there! The OP came back w/ some additional details on the two biggest points of discussion FOOD and the AU PAIR. Here are her notes. :)
Monthly Food:
-We do a heavy mix of home-cooked PLUS delivery food from all kinds of restaurants/cuisines (not things like McDonalds). This may be strange for people outside of NY, but it feels pretty normal to us.
-Yes, I spend about $200/month on going to the grocery store; but my husband spends between $400-500/month total
-The food bought at the grocery feeds me, my husband, and the au pair, but so does the delivery based food
-When we grocery shop, our au pair goes along and picks out anything/everything she wants or needs for her apartment. She prepares her own breakfasts and lunches (as do we each) and for dinner she always has the option of eating what we have prepared, eating something she prepares herself or going out (which we do not give her extra money to pay for, it's at her discretion).
-As it says in the survey, our take out/delivery/eating out expenditure is roughly $1,000 between the two of us and that includes lunches when at the office (those $15 salads add up) and dinners a few nights a week, which also result in leftovers most of the time. It also includes a couple of nice date nights out a month.
-I also forgot to include a big expenditure - baby formula. We spend $280/month on formula (it's a subscription delivery service). Our kiddo recently started eating solids, but is still mostly getting calories from formula. I pay for this myself.
Au Pair: The monthly hard costs are accurate, and meet U.S. mandates. However there are many other ways she is receiving both monetary support and other kinds of support too.
-The stipend has a minimum mandate established by the US government. We pay ~17% over that based on talking to other families in the area.
-We cover all of her transportation costs. This is not required, but we felt it right to ensure she could get around easily in the city.
-We pay for any toiletries, feminine hygiene products, kitchen etc. products. She has a fully equipped kitchen and any time she needs something, I get it for her.
-We have her on our phone plan (this is required) and covered the majority of the cost for her to get a new iPhone (not required).
-We paid for a good winter coat because she is not accustomed to winters like we have and we felt it was unfair to expect her to spend that money.
-We gave her a holiday bonus of $350
-She is required to take an accredited education course during the year and host families are required to cover $500 in that educational expense.
-She gets 2 weeks of paid vacation. We gave her extra days off during Thanksgiving and Christmas that do not count against her vacation time.
-She works a consistent schedule of 8:30-5:30 Mon-Fri, with some slight changes when we have traveled. She takes breaks when the baby is napping (usually about 2.5-3.5 total hours/day) but has to stay at home. It is a legal mandate that au pairs cannot work more than 45 hours per week and must have at least 1 weekend off a month - we rarely if ever have her work outside of the aforementioned schedule.
-The garden apartment she is living in is a 1-bedroom / 1-bath apartment. In this area, we would be renting it out for ~$2,200/month based on same size rentals on our street for comp. The utilities that she generates in that apartment are roughly $150-250/month depending on seasonal usage, which we pay for.
WHEW! I'm glad she expanded on the groceries because I was like, "groceries are expensive! Where in the world is she buying groceries for only $200 per month!" I needed that secret. LOL
When she says she spends $200/month on groceries, but her husband spends $400-$500/month on "food," is that included here? Or no because they keep their finances separate? I'm trying to determine if their total monthly grocery bill is indeed $200, or if it's actually $600-$700 when you add in her husband's spend. Or perhaps they just don't cook and spend a ton on takeout like many New Yorkers?
Hope everyone is having a good Sunday. I've been following the comments closely, and so has the OP. She wanted to add a few additional details.
She writes: One thing ppl seem concerned with is retirement - so I figured I’d add that those are just MY retirement numbers. I don’t know my husband’s current numbers. But for me, I max out both my 401k and Roth IRA contributions (401k = $23k/year; IRA = $7000/year). My employer matches 100% of first 4% of salary contributed to 401k which comes to an additional $11,400/year. I didn’t include the employer part bc it doesn’t come from my paycheck, so that might be a good additional q for the questionnaire. Also Lindsey was correct in her conjecture that I didn’t put a ton away for retirement while I was paying off loans. At the time I was making $75-100k in New York and my loan payment was about $1500/month so I was really struggling to pay that off.
It also may be interesting to people that I pay ~36% in total taxes. I don’t complain about that at all, but it does mean that big income number drops by $100k annually.
I put $78k of my own savings (just me, not my husband’s) into our down payment/fees. So that wiped a big part of my savings. Then having a baby has similarly brought down my savings too as I mostly pulled from that rather than carry a cc balance to buy the equipment and pay for medical bills. I’m in a rebuild mode now.
I'll also state again that I want to make sure these comments remain civil. Right now, they are a little judge-y for my taste, and not the kind of community I'm looking to build at The Purse. Just because you don't relate to a person's experience, doesn't mean they don't have the right to share it. And if you don't like, no one is forcing you to read it!
I think the OP is pretty self-aware of her privilege, but I also appreciate that she shares her anxieties and fears—that's part of what makes this such a compelling read IMO. Many people think that making a lot of money will guarantee that we feel secure, but bigger salaries and expensive homes come with their own set of challenges.
I insist, OP has no "privilege" and should not be made guilty for getting a high salary. She was not "gifted" it and don't find it magically appearing on her nightstand every morning. She works and she EARNS it.
Having been involved NYC corporate world myself, I have an idea what it takes to get to the top. It's not just being very good in your profession. You have to be super-determined, super-skilled in people relations, super-organized, design your strategy and tactics, and most importantly, bring tremendous value to your chosen company. Bravo, OP
I guess you just interpret the word "privilege" differently; it's an advantage. Being able-bodied, being free of significant emotional or cognitive impairment, having had access to a certain type of education, being raised in a stable household and/or to functional parents, being able to live in a city with a wide variety of employment and cultural opportunities, even being (yes) male and conventionally attractive... all privileges. Nothing to feel "guilt" over, but certainly ones I recognize others don't have and that (whether they "should" or not) make my life somewhat easier in many ways.
All this is not privilege, it's a roll of a dice. Which might change any minute - education and even decades of work experience will not protect one from a sudden layoff; health is not a permanent constant; city life becomes too dangerous to sustain; attractiveness...you get my drift. Memento mori, and carpe diem. You feel compassion for people on the downside of Fortune's Wheel - then help them, but you have nothing to feel guilty about for not being there yourself.
Besides, all these advantages, as you see them (I do not, necessarily) are not the topic here. All negative commenters in the threads respond to OP family's high monthly income and how they manage their budget. They see it as an unearned privilege. It is not.
I'm thrilled to find your newsletter- I'm hoping people in the comments here are a little kinder than on R29! It's honestly such a gift to be given a window into someone's personal finances in this way.
Yeah exactly - if I got anything out of reading this, it would be one more reason why making more money really doesn’t fix the problem of a feeling of insecurity. Astounding but true
This was fascinating to read. I appreciate the question about receiving financial support from family, as (in my opinion) that's usually the thing that's most shrouded in mystery/kept hush-hush that also helps people leap forward in building more wealth.
You've got the magic touch, Lindsey! Can't wait to read more from this series!
So true! In my twenties I was looking at the people who were buying homes in a HCOL place and wondering HOW? Always, the answer was parents' financial support.
On Culture Study, Anne Helen-Peterson just hosted a thread where people explained *HOW* they bought their homes. It is fascinating. Lots of family gifts and couples represented.
Absolutely wild that they received family support of $250,000 for the downpayment of a house as well as the same amount for the husband's sister to buy a house. I can't even imagine what that type of support is like. Always good to see these details that people tend to leave out when summarizing their success stories.
This is so interesting to me - why are people so upset over this being about a high income earner? Is it not just fascinating to see where the expenses go? and to see how others spend their money, or what life would be like to earn that much? I live in Ireland and we make good money, definitely not as much as this couple but I enjoyed reading about someone's experience living in Brooklyn while earning great money. And also interesting to see how no matter how much you earn, you still have money worries and expenses relative to your income. Fair play to this woman, she really deserves her income and her feeling of safety, she has worked hard to get to where she is. Love to see a woman earning more too!
I should comment with cleaner better information, but I believe there’s an option called Amazon household that lets you share a prime account and maintain privacy. This is what my husband and I do and now I’m questioning myself but I think we don’t pay twice and we don’t see each other‘s purchases.
My late husband and I did this when we first moved in together. If I remember correctly it just required that we live at the same address and I entered his email address when I added him. His account remained the same but he got the prime shipping etc.
Somehow stumbled upon this today (which is what I love about Substack!) and love the way you're helping demystify how people "make it work" financially and otherwise. I will be following along with interest (pun intended)!
Yes! I am so excited for this (already enlightening) series. Thank you for bringing your brand of brilliance and transparency here. Looking forward to what’s to come.
This is a wonderful series and I look forward to following it! It’s unfortunate to see people critical of their spending, choices, compensation for their au-pair, or help from their families. How will people want to participate and be transparent if people are making critical comments? This series is a learning tool and even though my personal situation is very different I learn so much from her generous contribution and information. So helpful. Thank you!
Well, if people are willing to disclose their income and expenses, they should be prepared for criticism and advice - which is not always positive. That's the risk you take when going public. I agree this series is a useful learning tool, but not just for the audience, but for the participants in the survey.
Yes, I agree that this can be a learning tool for everyone, but I am trying to be mindful that people aren't mean. This is public, but also, as the editor of a free publication, I can decide which comments should be deleted. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your feedback. It's good to hear what people like and don't like and want to know more of as I develop the series.
We are in agreement - as a blogger of 20+ years I appreciate the option of deleting aggressive/ rude/ insulting comments and have used it myself many times. However, opinions vary and if a negative one is expressed politely, I'd make sure it is heard, rather than suppress it. Civil conversation of opposing views is more productive in finance-related discussions than an echo chamber of fawning praise.
This has been one of the most interesting things I’ve read in ages. I’m so nosy! I love this!!! Thank you for putting this together.
I’m wondering, this food/grocery budget … that has to be weekly right? My grocery budget boggles my mind every month. I love to cook so it’s sorta an expense that’s half necessity and half hobby. Still. It sometimes feels like the monthly budget of a small restaurant.
I thought the same thing about groceries! We swing about $800/ month in suburban Pennsylvania for a family of 4 (up from $600 just two years ago 😭)-- we eat mostly organic, but meat-lite and with constant meal-planning/ price shopping. Even with a higher take-out budget, the poster has a really low grocery spend.
I think the thing that isn't clear right away is that this budget is just for the responder, not the entirety of what she and her husband spend.
And yes, groceries are nuts. We are on Oahu, and it's eye-watering. Way worse than even mid-2023. I think our monthly budget is $1,500, but that is helped by Costco, and we're military.
I could not BELIEVE the price of groceries in Hawaii! We are so lucky in Texas to get great produce from our neighbors to the south and have wonderful stores like HEB that keep our prices at a fraction of yours. (You Do get to live in Hawaii though ;))
I live in California and we have a second home in Austin. I love HEB. Great quality, selection, and food is almost half the price of California. Half the stuff is grown in California and it's cheaper at HEB in Texas. Even California wines are substantially cheaper in Texas than either at the wineries in Napa or the Costco's in the Bay Area.
Commenting again because I just totaled my own groceries for the month (we cook dinner every night and eat every meal at home, with the exception of pizza delivery every Friday night, and this is for a family of 4 (one child age 5 and one age 2) - we spent $1200 between Costco and Amazon groceries 😱
Food prices are so ridiculous right now! I think even though other categories pricing is easing from inflation groceries are still up by something like 30% - but don't quote me on that figure. All this to say, you are probably doing great and it's not you!
Love this! But would love to hear more details on her career moves over the last few years!! To more than double salary and step into a role she loves is goals.
A new subscriber, I find this series an interesting read - thank you, Lindsey (if I am be so familiar)!
I, too, live in Brooklyn and used to own a townhouse - at the time the R.E. was half the price OP and her husband paid - I do understand the general layout and would like to congratulate OP on the low mortgage rate she was able to obtain. It's great deal - I was paying 5.75% rate after 2 successful refinances from the original 9.5% [btw, what's OP?]
Something's puzzling me.
I've attempted to add the subtotals above into a monthly expense figure and came up with $14,422 (including the $280 in formula cost, from the comments). Taking it from the income of $25,392 leaves roughly $11,000. Yet, the retirement contributions are only $2,5K. Where the balance goes - to the bank accounts? It's relatively low , combined~$30,000.
The expense figures are not joint. They are hers alone, so if you added it all up to $14,4 that should be accurate because that's the monthly take home pay for her.
If that was meant by OP, then probably you're right. The survey's breakdown is ambiguous and rather inconsistent in ascribing subtotals: some expenses are noted to be hers only (hair care or formula), some indicate her part (groceries $200 from OP, $500 from her husband), some have no note at all - like mortgage. So I added up all figures mentioned, no matter who is contributing.
I know in the day-to day expenses of a household, especially with an infant, it is difficult to keep a running budget with clear sources, I've been there. Still, hopefully the future survey replies will be adjusted for a better consistency.
Agreed! I found this confusing - for me it’s most helpful to understand how people are living either as a whole or with just their portion of income / expenses.
OMG, I soooo feel for this couple! So much financial stress. Sad that they have this atrocious income and au pair and cleaning person expenses. I mean, my $22,000 Brooklyn income is low and life is tough, but these poor Yuppies, wow!
I'm confused. Did the couple complain at all in this questionnaire response? I read that that the OP grew up poor and made 2 strategic job changes in the last 4 years that bumped her salary significantly. Maybe you read something different? Just wondering.
Yeah, you are exactly who Lindsey is talking to when she asks commenters to refrain from judging or being snotty, since this series is meant to inform and just shed some light.
Would you want people judging you for your $22k salary, assuming that they have a right to tell you to go after a higher paying job? Didn't think so.
It's the system that's f*cked up. Let's not take it out on each other in needless self defense and preservation.
Thanks Lindsey! Just wild to see the differences in all things money based on job titles, location of living, etc.
We live in rural central MN and have a very obvious much less cost of living than Brooklyn, NY.
As a solo window cleaning contractor myself and wife as a teacher (with two kids), our takehome pay per month after all retirement contributions (we max out 401ks and and HSA) is approx. $5,800/month...so when I see a take home pay of $25k/month, it floors me! However, after factoring in housing and cost of living, it seems like things become more "relative."
Much appreciate this series! Have you read the book PATHFINDERS by JL Collins? You and JL are delivering what people want...REAL PEOPLE from all walks of life with REAL STORIES on the pursuit of a healthy relationship with money.
Based on your new series, I can almost guarantee you will enjoy it. Is there a place where one can share their financial picture with you? In case you are interested in one from a window cleaner, teacher, and family of 4 from central rural MN 😉
Hi there! The OP came back w/ some additional details on the two biggest points of discussion FOOD and the AU PAIR. Here are her notes. :)
Monthly Food:
-We do a heavy mix of home-cooked PLUS delivery food from all kinds of restaurants/cuisines (not things like McDonalds). This may be strange for people outside of NY, but it feels pretty normal to us.
-Yes, I spend about $200/month on going to the grocery store; but my husband spends between $400-500/month total
-The food bought at the grocery feeds me, my husband, and the au pair, but so does the delivery based food
-When we grocery shop, our au pair goes along and picks out anything/everything she wants or needs for her apartment. She prepares her own breakfasts and lunches (as do we each) and for dinner she always has the option of eating what we have prepared, eating something she prepares herself or going out (which we do not give her extra money to pay for, it's at her discretion).
-As it says in the survey, our take out/delivery/eating out expenditure is roughly $1,000 between the two of us and that includes lunches when at the office (those $15 salads add up) and dinners a few nights a week, which also result in leftovers most of the time. It also includes a couple of nice date nights out a month.
-I also forgot to include a big expenditure - baby formula. We spend $280/month on formula (it's a subscription delivery service). Our kiddo recently started eating solids, but is still mostly getting calories from formula. I pay for this myself.
Au Pair: The monthly hard costs are accurate, and meet U.S. mandates. However there are many other ways she is receiving both monetary support and other kinds of support too.
-The stipend has a minimum mandate established by the US government. We pay ~17% over that based on talking to other families in the area.
-We cover all of her transportation costs. This is not required, but we felt it right to ensure she could get around easily in the city.
-We pay for any toiletries, feminine hygiene products, kitchen etc. products. She has a fully equipped kitchen and any time she needs something, I get it for her.
-We have her on our phone plan (this is required) and covered the majority of the cost for her to get a new iPhone (not required).
-We paid for a good winter coat because she is not accustomed to winters like we have and we felt it was unfair to expect her to spend that money.
-We gave her a holiday bonus of $350
-She is required to take an accredited education course during the year and host families are required to cover $500 in that educational expense.
-She gets 2 weeks of paid vacation. We gave her extra days off during Thanksgiving and Christmas that do not count against her vacation time.
-She works a consistent schedule of 8:30-5:30 Mon-Fri, with some slight changes when we have traveled. She takes breaks when the baby is napping (usually about 2.5-3.5 total hours/day) but has to stay at home. It is a legal mandate that au pairs cannot work more than 45 hours per week and must have at least 1 weekend off a month - we rarely if ever have her work outside of the aforementioned schedule.
-The garden apartment she is living in is a 1-bedroom / 1-bath apartment. In this area, we would be renting it out for ~$2,200/month based on same size rentals on our street for comp. The utilities that she generates in that apartment are roughly $150-250/month depending on seasonal usage, which we pay for.
WHEW! I'm glad she expanded on the groceries because I was like, "groceries are expensive! Where in the world is she buying groceries for only $200 per month!" I needed that secret. LOL
We all do
Exactly
I honestly dont know how little is spent on food.
We are in LA and with mt mom and husband I spent at least 80 a day on food
Your state is taxing your food too much. That’s why it’s so high
Eggs , the good ones 10 bucks. Butter irish, 7
Its not just the tax
There's no tax on eggs or butter in California. Food is tax exempt except for restaurant food, prepared food, and junk food.
Hummm...yes, but when I went to the supermarket I noticed that food prices have increased significantly
So easy to do! We live 2 hours outside NYC and strawberries are $12 right now, and a cauliflower can run to the same.
Can you share what you’re eating to spend so much? Assume you’re going out every day?
When she says she spends $200/month on groceries, but her husband spends $400-$500/month on "food," is that included here? Or no because they keep their finances separate? I'm trying to determine if their total monthly grocery bill is indeed $200, or if it's actually $600-$700 when you add in her husband's spend. Or perhaps they just don't cook and spend a ton on takeout like many New Yorkers?
Hope everyone is having a good Sunday. I've been following the comments closely, and so has the OP. She wanted to add a few additional details.
She writes: One thing ppl seem concerned with is retirement - so I figured I’d add that those are just MY retirement numbers. I don’t know my husband’s current numbers. But for me, I max out both my 401k and Roth IRA contributions (401k = $23k/year; IRA = $7000/year). My employer matches 100% of first 4% of salary contributed to 401k which comes to an additional $11,400/year. I didn’t include the employer part bc it doesn’t come from my paycheck, so that might be a good additional q for the questionnaire. Also Lindsey was correct in her conjecture that I didn’t put a ton away for retirement while I was paying off loans. At the time I was making $75-100k in New York and my loan payment was about $1500/month so I was really struggling to pay that off.
It also may be interesting to people that I pay ~36% in total taxes. I don’t complain about that at all, but it does mean that big income number drops by $100k annually.
I put $78k of my own savings (just me, not my husband’s) into our down payment/fees. So that wiped a big part of my savings. Then having a baby has similarly brought down my savings too as I mostly pulled from that rather than carry a cc balance to buy the equipment and pay for medical bills. I’m in a rebuild mode now.
I'll also state again that I want to make sure these comments remain civil. Right now, they are a little judge-y for my taste, and not the kind of community I'm looking to build at The Purse. Just because you don't relate to a person's experience, doesn't mean they don't have the right to share it. And if you don't like, no one is forcing you to read it!
I think the OP is pretty self-aware of her privilege, but I also appreciate that she shares her anxieties and fears—that's part of what makes this such a compelling read IMO. Many people think that making a lot of money will guarantee that we feel secure, but bigger salaries and expensive homes come with their own set of challenges.
Here's that word again.
I insist, OP has no "privilege" and should not be made guilty for getting a high salary. She was not "gifted" it and don't find it magically appearing on her nightstand every morning. She works and she EARNS it.
Having been involved NYC corporate world myself, I have an idea what it takes to get to the top. It's not just being very good in your profession. You have to be super-determined, super-skilled in people relations, super-organized, design your strategy and tactics, and most importantly, bring tremendous value to your chosen company. Bravo, OP
I guess you just interpret the word "privilege" differently; it's an advantage. Being able-bodied, being free of significant emotional or cognitive impairment, having had access to a certain type of education, being raised in a stable household and/or to functional parents, being able to live in a city with a wide variety of employment and cultural opportunities, even being (yes) male and conventionally attractive... all privileges. Nothing to feel "guilt" over, but certainly ones I recognize others don't have and that (whether they "should" or not) make my life somewhat easier in many ways.
All this is not privilege, it's a roll of a dice. Which might change any minute - education and even decades of work experience will not protect one from a sudden layoff; health is not a permanent constant; city life becomes too dangerous to sustain; attractiveness...you get my drift. Memento mori, and carpe diem. You feel compassion for people on the downside of Fortune's Wheel - then help them, but you have nothing to feel guilty about for not being there yourself.
Besides, all these advantages, as you see them (I do not, necessarily) are not the topic here. All negative commenters in the threads respond to OP family's high monthly income and how they manage their budget. They see it as an unearned privilege. It is not.
Not gifted...but was given a large chunk of money for a down payment. Ok.
Reading comprehension 101. Pls read again what I've written:
"salary. She was not "gifted" it"
I'm thrilled to find your newsletter- I'm hoping people in the comments here are a little kinder than on R29! It's honestly such a gift to be given a window into someone's personal finances in this way.
Yeah exactly - if I got anything out of reading this, it would be one more reason why making more money really doesn’t fix the problem of a feeling of insecurity. Astounding but true
This was fascinating to read. I appreciate the question about receiving financial support from family, as (in my opinion) that's usually the thing that's most shrouded in mystery/kept hush-hush that also helps people leap forward in building more wealth.
You've got the magic touch, Lindsey! Can't wait to read more from this series!
So true! In my twenties I was looking at the people who were buying homes in a HCOL place and wondering HOW? Always, the answer was parents' financial support.
On Culture Study, Anne Helen-Peterson just hosted a thread where people explained *HOW* they bought their homes. It is fascinating. Lots of family gifts and couples represented.
Absolutely wild that they received family support of $250,000 for the downpayment of a house as well as the same amount for the husband's sister to buy a house. I can't even imagine what that type of support is like. Always good to see these details that people tend to leave out when summarizing their success stories.
My entire house cost $100K, and nobody else chipped in. We support ourselves.
Neither can I. Lucky them.😃
This is so interesting to me - why are people so upset over this being about a high income earner? Is it not just fascinating to see where the expenses go? and to see how others spend their money, or what life would be like to earn that much? I live in Ireland and we make good money, definitely not as much as this couple but I enjoyed reading about someone's experience living in Brooklyn while earning great money. And also interesting to see how no matter how much you earn, you still have money worries and expenses relative to your income. Fair play to this woman, she really deserves her income and her feeling of safety, she has worked hard to get to where she is. Love to see a woman earning more too!
I should comment with cleaner better information, but I believe there’s an option called Amazon household that lets you share a prime account and maintain privacy. This is what my husband and I do and now I’m questioning myself but I think we don’t pay twice and we don’t see each other‘s purchases.
My late husband and I did this when we first moved in together. If I remember correctly it just required that we live at the same address and I entered his email address when I added him. His account remained the same but he got the prime shipping etc.
Yes we do this in our house too! We only pay once but we have our separate accounts under the one payment.
Somehow stumbled upon this today (which is what I love about Substack!) and love the way you're helping demystify how people "make it work" financially and otherwise. I will be following along with interest (pun intended)!
So glad you enjoyed it!
Yes! I am so excited for this (already enlightening) series. Thank you for bringing your brand of brilliance and transparency here. Looking forward to what’s to come.
Thank you, Caroline!! Means so much to hear!
This is a wonderful series and I look forward to following it! It’s unfortunate to see people critical of their spending, choices, compensation for their au-pair, or help from their families. How will people want to participate and be transparent if people are making critical comments? This series is a learning tool and even though my personal situation is very different I learn so much from her generous contribution and information. So helpful. Thank you!
Well, if people are willing to disclose their income and expenses, they should be prepared for criticism and advice - which is not always positive. That's the risk you take when going public. I agree this series is a useful learning tool, but not just for the audience, but for the participants in the survey.
Yes, I agree that this can be a learning tool for everyone, but I am trying to be mindful that people aren't mean. This is public, but also, as the editor of a free publication, I can decide which comments should be deleted. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your feedback. It's good to hear what people like and don't like and want to know more of as I develop the series.
We are in agreement - as a blogger of 20+ years I appreciate the option of deleting aggressive/ rude/ insulting comments and have used it myself many times. However, opinions vary and if a negative one is expressed politely, I'd make sure it is heard, rather than suppress it. Civil conversation of opposing views is more productive in finance-related discussions than an echo chamber of fawning praise.
Definitely agree with you!
This has been one of the most interesting things I’ve read in ages. I’m so nosy! I love this!!! Thank you for putting this together.
I’m wondering, this food/grocery budget … that has to be weekly right? My grocery budget boggles my mind every month. I love to cook so it’s sorta an expense that’s half necessity and half hobby. Still. It sometimes feels like the monthly budget of a small restaurant.
I thought the same thing about groceries! We swing about $800/ month in suburban Pennsylvania for a family of 4 (up from $600 just two years ago 😭)-- we eat mostly organic, but meat-lite and with constant meal-planning/ price shopping. Even with a higher take-out budget, the poster has a really low grocery spend.
I think the thing that isn't clear right away is that this budget is just for the responder, not the entirety of what she and her husband spend.
And yes, groceries are nuts. We are on Oahu, and it's eye-watering. Way worse than even mid-2023. I think our monthly budget is $1,500, but that is helped by Costco, and we're military.
I could not BELIEVE the price of groceries in Hawaii! We are so lucky in Texas to get great produce from our neighbors to the south and have wonderful stores like HEB that keep our prices at a fraction of yours. (You Do get to live in Hawaii though ;))
I live in California and we have a second home in Austin. I love HEB. Great quality, selection, and food is almost half the price of California. Half the stuff is grown in California and it's cheaper at HEB in Texas. Even California wines are substantially cheaper in Texas than either at the wineries in Napa or the Costco's in the Bay Area.
Groceries are so expensive right now. 😩
I'm wondering the same thing! That must be weekly - even then, I spend way more on the west coast per week.
Commenting again because I just totaled my own groceries for the month (we cook dinner every night and eat every meal at home, with the exception of pizza delivery every Friday night, and this is for a family of 4 (one child age 5 and one age 2) - we spent $1200 between Costco and Amazon groceries 😱
Yes, I’m a thrifty cook and I questioned their groceries. I doubt they’re living on dried beans bought in bulk.
I thought the same!
Food prices are so ridiculous right now! I think even though other categories pricing is easing from inflation groceries are still up by something like 30% - but don't quote me on that figure. All this to say, you are probably doing great and it's not you!
Love this! But would love to hear more details on her career moves over the last few years!! To more than double salary and step into a role she loves is goals.
Me as well - thought that was the most interesting part (especially in NYC)
Echoing others, but it feels important to add my voice to the chorus: I am here 👏 for 👏 this 👏 series 👏 !!!
I LOVE this series! Also, even if you get rid of Prime you still have access to your purchase history.
Yes, one of you can make the other a household member without merging the accounts! No one needs to lose history or access the other's history
That’s good to know!
Also when you become a household member, you can’t see what the other one buys! Goes both ways :)
A new subscriber, I find this series an interesting read - thank you, Lindsey (if I am be so familiar)!
I, too, live in Brooklyn and used to own a townhouse - at the time the R.E. was half the price OP and her husband paid - I do understand the general layout and would like to congratulate OP on the low mortgage rate she was able to obtain. It's great deal - I was paying 5.75% rate after 2 successful refinances from the original 9.5% [btw, what's OP?]
Something's puzzling me.
I've attempted to add the subtotals above into a monthly expense figure and came up with $14,422 (including the $280 in formula cost, from the comments). Taking it from the income of $25,392 leaves roughly $11,000. Yet, the retirement contributions are only $2,5K. Where the balance goes - to the bank accounts? It's relatively low , combined~$30,000.
A mystery.
I haven’t added up the math, but OP said she pays 36% in taxes which reduces her annual take home by 100k.
I understand the monthly income is described as "take home" pay. Net, not gross.
The expense figures are not joint. They are hers alone, so if you added it all up to $14,4 that should be accurate because that's the monthly take home pay for her.
If that was meant by OP, then probably you're right. The survey's breakdown is ambiguous and rather inconsistent in ascribing subtotals: some expenses are noted to be hers only (hair care or formula), some indicate her part (groceries $200 from OP, $500 from her husband), some have no note at all - like mortgage. So I added up all figures mentioned, no matter who is contributing.
I know in the day-to day expenses of a household, especially with an infant, it is difficult to keep a running budget with clear sources, I've been there. Still, hopefully the future survey replies will be adjusted for a better consistency.
Agreed! I found this confusing - for me it’s most helpful to understand how people are living either as a whole or with just their portion of income / expenses.
Fuzzy math
OMG, I soooo feel for this couple! So much financial stress. Sad that they have this atrocious income and au pair and cleaning person expenses. I mean, my $22,000 Brooklyn income is low and life is tough, but these poor Yuppies, wow!
I'm confused. Did the couple complain at all in this questionnaire response? I read that that the OP grew up poor and made 2 strategic job changes in the last 4 years that bumped her salary significantly. Maybe you read something different? Just wondering.
Yeah, you are exactly who Lindsey is talking to when she asks commenters to refrain from judging or being snotty, since this series is meant to inform and just shed some light.
Would you want people judging you for your $22k salary, assuming that they have a right to tell you to go after a higher paying job? Didn't think so.
It's the system that's f*cked up. Let's not take it out on each other in needless self defense and preservation.
Thanks Lindsey! Just wild to see the differences in all things money based on job titles, location of living, etc.
We live in rural central MN and have a very obvious much less cost of living than Brooklyn, NY.
As a solo window cleaning contractor myself and wife as a teacher (with two kids), our takehome pay per month after all retirement contributions (we max out 401ks and and HSA) is approx. $5,800/month...so when I see a take home pay of $25k/month, it floors me! However, after factoring in housing and cost of living, it seems like things become more "relative."
Much appreciate this series! Have you read the book PATHFINDERS by JL Collins? You and JL are delivering what people want...REAL PEOPLE from all walks of life with REAL STORIES on the pursuit of a healthy relationship with money.
Thanks, Jordan! I haven't read PATHFINDERS. I will look into it!
Based on your new series, I can almost guarantee you will enjoy it. Is there a place where one can share their financial picture with you? In case you are interested in one from a window cleaner, teacher, and family of 4 from central rural MN 😉
Yes you can! She has a link (I think at the top of this article series?)